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[VanillaSugar21]

Lately I haven't felt like myself. Everyone wants me to explain what I mean and I don't know how to. All I know is I'm not me. I mean everything is going good lately. Well kinda... my therapist and I talk a lot about my meeting my new doctor and what we think should happen. I haven't been depressed in a good bit. I get sad sometimes but it's usually because something has happened and I get disappointed. I had to cancel my driver's test because I been having days where I just totally freak out. Not like flip out. I just can't deal with everything. I haven't seen a doctor in 2 months almost and the side effects from the lamictal have me in h*ll. I try to explain to my mom that I need to do certain things and I'm sorry that I can't do other things she wants me to do or I can't be what she wants me to be right now. I can't be what I want me to be right now. I feel like sh*t 24/7. I have over 50% of the side effects for lamictal and if you look them up none of them are good. Being 21 and losing your hair does not thrill me. It makes me cry. I'm 21 I need my hair! I love my hair! Feeling like I'm sick all the time doesn't help any. I'm not actually sick... it's just the side effects but coughing all the time and having my ears hurt all the time isn't fun either and getting what every female looks at as "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" all the time. I feel like my body is falling apart and all I want is for them to take me off this medication so this h*ll I have been living in can go back to being my life. Oh my head hurts! I had more I wanted to say but I forget what it was... so I'ma just go take an advil and lay on the swing outside so I can make my mom happy by being outside for a lil.

[runningfree]

Dear Vanilla,
I hope that you have an emergency appointment with your doctor. Side effects that effect you as you described should be discussed immediately so that a different, more comfortable path is chosen. Your mother should agree that being sick from medicine is not a good solution.
Please get on the phone!
Let us know!

[VanillaSugar21]

(((runningfree)))

I've tried everything that I can think of to get my doctor to see me and he won't. I was in the ER already but nothing has helped. I have to sit and wait for the appointment that was givin to me the last time I was there. That was 2 months ago and my mother and I both know this isn't good. My therapist tried to get me into see the doctor but they ignored him too. I just got a new case manager from MH/MR so now I have her help too. My mom is too the point that she wants to find me a new doctor but is willing to wait till next week to see what this one says. My insurance is changing in the begining of October so I have to wait till then before I can change anything. I had to change my insurance cause I have to start going to a specialist and I am scared to death to go but I know I have too. My grandfather just died of Crohn's and colitis and my PCP and my mom think I have it. My 22 yr old brother just had 4 surgeries for it. I dunno! Everything has been scary lately but with help from everyone on here and my friends and family I make it through all my road blocks. And I'll keep making it!