When you're in recovery.... and your spouse is depressed....
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When you're in recovery.... and your spouse is depressed....
Hi...
I've never posted on this forum but have been on the Newcomer's forum for a long while now.
In recovery, I've come to understand that I've had a mild struggle with anxiety and depression much of my life. I am learning more and more as I go, and I am treating it effectively with recovery, therapy, exercise, supplements, SAD lights.... I don't feel overwhelmed and non-functional, but I have my bouts with a heaviness that I've identified as mild depression.
For a couple of years now, though, my Lady has been struggling a struggle of her own. She is a strong, loving, powerful Lady and because of those traits has kept the appearance of things being better than they really are.
Today, she had a real breakdown. There have been recurring bouts of crying, sobbing, negative self-talk for over a year. She's been in counseling, she's been willing to talk about it, she's been trying different things - but it's not working. Now she has been sharing that she has thoughts of hurting herself. She doesn't want to die..... but she doesn't want to hurt anymore. She doesn't really WANT to hurt herself.... but she says that in her head she tells herself she is a burden, she is useless, she is a problem, that we'd all be better off without her.
I held her during this breakdown. Assured her she was not a burden. Told her how I view her - as strong and loving and wonderful and capable and that all of us would be devastated without her. We love her and need her and would NOT be better off without her. I told her that this thing, these things she tells herself, these feelings are not "HER". She was saying 'this is just ME, it's just who I am'. I said it's not her, that WHO SHE IS is different from the feelings and the voice. I told her that what she is describing is everything I have ever heard about DEPRESSION. I said depression is not you - it is a condition. Just like I have a condition called alcoholism, and some people have a condition called high cholesterol - Depression is a condition and is something that can be treated. I asked her if she'd be ok with me making an appointment for us to discuss treatement options with a doctor and she said OK.
I think the time has come that she needs to not be afraid to try medication, she needs to be supported in really looking at this as a condition and something that needs a physical treatment. I think medication may help her get around the corner and be able to make progress in treating her anxiety and depression and negative self talk with other types of therapy that just aren't working because of whatever is really medically driving this. I don't know this for sure.... but it is consistent with everything I've read and learned about depression.
I'm glad she's OK with seeking treatment..... but I'm also scared. I don't know how to "fix" it.... I know that I can't. I know how to be supportive - but I'm afraid of how long it will take. I'm afraid of it getting worse. I'm afraid of the impact to those of us who love her. I'm afraid of her hurting herself if it continues.
I guess I just needed somewhere to turn, right now, because all of this JUST happened within the hour and now she's cried out after sobbing and breaking down and is sleeping.... and I'm sort of stunned and scared and helpless.
I've found help and support for my recovery here.... and hoping I might find some of the same in figuring out how to help my Love through this challenge.
Thanks
I've never posted on this forum but have been on the Newcomer's forum for a long while now.
In recovery, I've come to understand that I've had a mild struggle with anxiety and depression much of my life. I am learning more and more as I go, and I am treating it effectively with recovery, therapy, exercise, supplements, SAD lights.... I don't feel overwhelmed and non-functional, but I have my bouts with a heaviness that I've identified as mild depression.
For a couple of years now, though, my Lady has been struggling a struggle of her own. She is a strong, loving, powerful Lady and because of those traits has kept the appearance of things being better than they really are.
Today, she had a real breakdown. There have been recurring bouts of crying, sobbing, negative self-talk for over a year. She's been in counseling, she's been willing to talk about it, she's been trying different things - but it's not working. Now she has been sharing that she has thoughts of hurting herself. She doesn't want to die..... but she doesn't want to hurt anymore. She doesn't really WANT to hurt herself.... but she says that in her head she tells herself she is a burden, she is useless, she is a problem, that we'd all be better off without her.
I held her during this breakdown. Assured her she was not a burden. Told her how I view her - as strong and loving and wonderful and capable and that all of us would be devastated without her. We love her and need her and would NOT be better off without her. I told her that this thing, these things she tells herself, these feelings are not "HER". She was saying 'this is just ME, it's just who I am'. I said it's not her, that WHO SHE IS is different from the feelings and the voice. I told her that what she is describing is everything I have ever heard about DEPRESSION. I said depression is not you - it is a condition. Just like I have a condition called alcoholism, and some people have a condition called high cholesterol - Depression is a condition and is something that can be treated. I asked her if she'd be ok with me making an appointment for us to discuss treatement options with a doctor and she said OK.
I think the time has come that she needs to not be afraid to try medication, she needs to be supported in really looking at this as a condition and something that needs a physical treatment. I think medication may help her get around the corner and be able to make progress in treating her anxiety and depression and negative self talk with other types of therapy that just aren't working because of whatever is really medically driving this. I don't know this for sure.... but it is consistent with everything I've read and learned about depression.
I'm glad she's OK with seeking treatment..... but I'm also scared. I don't know how to "fix" it.... I know that I can't. I know how to be supportive - but I'm afraid of how long it will take. I'm afraid of it getting worse. I'm afraid of the impact to those of us who love her. I'm afraid of her hurting herself if it continues.
I guess I just needed somewhere to turn, right now, because all of this JUST happened within the hour and now she's cried out after sobbing and breaking down and is sleeping.... and I'm sort of stunned and scared and helpless.
I've found help and support for my recovery here.... and hoping I might find some of the same in figuring out how to help my Love through this challenge.
Thanks
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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FreeOwl, I know I have no cred at the moment, but you are perfectly on track helping your partner. Depression is very treatable, it is a condition, it is NOT "who she is", although that is exactly how it feels. She has worn herself out trying to manage it internally. In my own life, my experience, is that medication was a true godsend. But it is important to work with someone thoroughly familiar with prescribing these drugs, and who will work with the individual to find both the best drug and the best dose. People vary greatly on what is an effective dose, as I understand it--again, in my experience, I required an unusually small dose of the best medication for me. So the takeaway is to find a psychiatrist or whatever that she can work with over a matter of weeks or months to find the best fit. When the right fit is found, it can be truly astounding.
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thank you, Bix. I left her counselor a message just now asking her to call and give us a referral for a Psychiatrist or doctor we can work with.
Bad timing given the NY holiday. Probably won't be able to get in to see anyone until next week or so - but at least she's willing to. She has been afraid and resistant about medication. She fears being "medicated forever"..... which is a totally natural fear, though I don't think that's necessarily the outcome.
I know that many times, people need to treat depression medically for a period of time, to help them over the hump and to be able to progress in their treatment and management of depression - but then eventually move off meds.
Still, even if medication is a long-term outcome.... surely it is preferable to the daily suffering, to trying and trying to pretend nothing is wrong while struggling inside with terrible thoughts. I've never had depressive thoughts to the point where I felt like I'd be better off dead, never had suicidal thoughts at all. But just the depression I've dealt with has been pretty awful. I can't imagine dealing with daily voices telling me I'm worthless, struggling just to get out of bed, feeling like I'm pretending my way through life and actually thinking about killing myself.
Nobody deserves to feel that way, and if medication can manage it and has to be long term, surely it must be better.
Bad timing given the NY holiday. Probably won't be able to get in to see anyone until next week or so - but at least she's willing to. She has been afraid and resistant about medication. She fears being "medicated forever"..... which is a totally natural fear, though I don't think that's necessarily the outcome.
I know that many times, people need to treat depression medically for a period of time, to help them over the hump and to be able to progress in their treatment and management of depression - but then eventually move off meds.
Still, even if medication is a long-term outcome.... surely it is preferable to the daily suffering, to trying and trying to pretend nothing is wrong while struggling inside with terrible thoughts. I've never had depressive thoughts to the point where I felt like I'd be better off dead, never had suicidal thoughts at all. But just the depression I've dealt with has been pretty awful. I can't imagine dealing with daily voices telling me I'm worthless, struggling just to get out of bed, feeling like I'm pretending my way through life and actually thinking about killing myself.
Nobody deserves to feel that way, and if medication can manage it and has to be long term, surely it must be better.
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Right. And you are correct, starting meds does not mean staying on them forever. She will continue to be in full control of that choice. My personal experience was that I *hated* every drug I tried and strongly resisted the idea of staying on any of them longer than necessary...until I found the match for me. The difference was so huge. I felt I was getting my own personality back, the person I had lost to depression. With that result, I could relax and not worry about the medication anymore. Best wishes, FreeOwl. It is hard for her and hard for you.
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Depression hit me at a time in my life that neither I nor my husband expected. It can happen to anyone; anytime. I can perhaps share some things that didn't help and some things that would help. My husband, who tends to be anxious to begin with, did not deal with my depression very well; mainly because it really SCARED him. As in: what is happening to my wife?!
He could not 'fix' it, which was VERY frustrating for him. I had to work through it and it took time and patience and medication, but I DID get better and for myself, kept an open mind about what it would take to get better....
Some people are really OPPOSED to medication as if it is something to be ashamed of taking...in this day and age even....I think that is a shame really because (maybe I'm biased) I think the right medication at the right (effective) dose can make all the difference. Just because a person takes the meds, does not mean they are ONLY going to do that to overcome the depression. My husband has always been the type of person to have a 'sans meds' mentality...meaning, he has always felt strongly that being medication free is the better way to live and maybe it is....or maybe it WAS when we were a few decades younger and more resilient.
But, life happens and with it brings new challenges we may not have banked on.
So, I've sort of stuck with 'leave your options open' as far as treatment goes .... yes, it's hard on the spouse and family. You come across here as being a very loving husband...devoted to your wife....that's wonderful and she's fortunate....be there for her....most of all be very patient and steady and no matter how frustrated you get...be kind....
He could not 'fix' it, which was VERY frustrating for him. I had to work through it and it took time and patience and medication, but I DID get better and for myself, kept an open mind about what it would take to get better....
Some people are really OPPOSED to medication as if it is something to be ashamed of taking...in this day and age even....I think that is a shame really because (maybe I'm biased) I think the right medication at the right (effective) dose can make all the difference. Just because a person takes the meds, does not mean they are ONLY going to do that to overcome the depression. My husband has always been the type of person to have a 'sans meds' mentality...meaning, he has always felt strongly that being medication free is the better way to live and maybe it is....or maybe it WAS when we were a few decades younger and more resilient.
But, life happens and with it brings new challenges we may not have banked on.
So, I've sort of stuck with 'leave your options open' as far as treatment goes .... yes, it's hard on the spouse and family. You come across here as being a very loving husband...devoted to your wife....that's wonderful and she's fortunate....be there for her....most of all be very patient and steady and no matter how frustrated you get...be kind....
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
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FreeOwl, I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager, I'm now 57. It can be a real bugger. Don't be afraid to try meds. They can make a big difference. I've been off and on them many times over the years. For me they work for awhile, months, and then tend to stop working. But I've also been self medicating with alcohol all those years which I'm sure didn't help.
For some people the tricky part can be finding the right med. They don't all work for all people. Combine that with them taking a few weeks to start working and it can be hard to stay the course. I personally haven't experienced that and have had some success with the ones I've tried.
Also have her try CBT therapy.
Living with depression is no fun and no one should have to live that way. So I'd definitely give the meds a try.
For some people the tricky part can be finding the right med. They don't all work for all people. Combine that with them taking a few weeks to start working and it can be hard to stay the course. I personally haven't experienced that and have had some success with the ones I've tried.
Also have her try CBT therapy.
Living with depression is no fun and no one should have to live that way. So I'd definitely give the meds a try.
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Hi Freeowl, glad you came here and posted. I agree with what folks are saying here.
Mostly depression is not curable just treatable and everyone is unique so it might take a while to find what works for her. I'm a lifer on meds and it has probably saved my life. I really haven't ever felt "medicated" on what I take. There have been a few side effects but minor compared to having my depression lift. I still have bad days and even some bad months but it is so much better than before being diagnosed and going on medication.
The only other thing that works as well or better than meds is exercise. Unfortunately, it is really difficult for a depressive to get out and exercise but it almost always helps.
God bless you for supporting her. As difficult as it is for us depressives, I think it is almost harder for family and friends.
Mostly depression is not curable just treatable and everyone is unique so it might take a while to find what works for her. I'm a lifer on meds and it has probably saved my life. I really haven't ever felt "medicated" on what I take. There have been a few side effects but minor compared to having my depression lift. I still have bad days and even some bad months but it is so much better than before being diagnosed and going on medication.
The only other thing that works as well or better than meds is exercise. Unfortunately, it is really difficult for a depressive to get out and exercise but it almost always helps.
God bless you for supporting her. As difficult as it is for us depressives, I think it is almost harder for family and friends.
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I had a very interesting discussion with my mom this summer about PTSD, depression, and addiction. Long before there were anti-depressants, there were other "substances" and "methods" people had for dealing with depression, if they even identified it as such. Caffeine, "snuff", tobacco, brandy, sherry, beer, wine-people used what they had. For some it was lots of outdoors and sunshine and for others: FOOD-and yet for others: music. Folks have been "dealing" with depression however they best knew how with what they had.
I think someone like my dad could really have benefited from a little Lexapro in his forties and fifties and Zyprexa in his sixties and seventies. I wish he he would have taken some pain medicine in the weeks before he died. But, he would never go there...I suggested once maybe he should take something for the pain and you know what his response was? "I can't take aspirin!!" And I'm like, "There's things besides aspirin you can take, especially if you know you might have to walk too far" He just shook his head and blew it off. But, he WAS in pain. He WAS depressed. He WAS stubborn. Is it any wonder he died alone out in the middle of nowhere on his snowmobile?! Well, God bless him, that is how he would have liked to go. I really do believe that most his drinking in his earlier years was a way/means of dealing with childhood trauma and the everyday stressors of providing for a family and: depression.
Mental illness and addiction tend to run in families. On my mom's side I trace the roots of addiction right on back to the "Whiskey Rebellion" in Appalachia and then further back to the Scots-Irish from Scotland/Ireland. Luckily, they didn't just bring their recipe for good whiskey to the new world, they also brought their music. One thing I always could rely on to get my family members out of a "funk" was music. And, when my dad heard a piece of music he delighted in, you could just see his face light up!
You know, I'm not really sure what the answers are for depression. I guess that's why I like to leave the options open; you never really know what might "work". I've observed how others 'cope' and I know how I've 'coped'. I am very thankful for the strides that have been made and that it is more openly discussed. I am glad post partum mothers and just labeled with having "the baby blues".
Free Owl, I don't know how old your wife is, but for me it hit right about the time my hormones started to shift in my 'forties. Midlife brings changes not only to our bodies, but to our minds.
I think someone like my dad could really have benefited from a little Lexapro in his forties and fifties and Zyprexa in his sixties and seventies. I wish he he would have taken some pain medicine in the weeks before he died. But, he would never go there...I suggested once maybe he should take something for the pain and you know what his response was? "I can't take aspirin!!" And I'm like, "There's things besides aspirin you can take, especially if you know you might have to walk too far" He just shook his head and blew it off. But, he WAS in pain. He WAS depressed. He WAS stubborn. Is it any wonder he died alone out in the middle of nowhere on his snowmobile?! Well, God bless him, that is how he would have liked to go. I really do believe that most his drinking in his earlier years was a way/means of dealing with childhood trauma and the everyday stressors of providing for a family and: depression.
Mental illness and addiction tend to run in families. On my mom's side I trace the roots of addiction right on back to the "Whiskey Rebellion" in Appalachia and then further back to the Scots-Irish from Scotland/Ireland. Luckily, they didn't just bring their recipe for good whiskey to the new world, they also brought their music. One thing I always could rely on to get my family members out of a "funk" was music. And, when my dad heard a piece of music he delighted in, you could just see his face light up!
You know, I'm not really sure what the answers are for depression. I guess that's why I like to leave the options open; you never really know what might "work". I've observed how others 'cope' and I know how I've 'coped'. I am very thankful for the strides that have been made and that it is more openly discussed. I am glad post partum mothers and just labeled with having "the baby blues".
Free Owl, I don't know how old your wife is, but for me it hit right about the time my hormones started to shift in my 'forties. Midlife brings changes not only to our bodies, but to our minds.
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well.... we met with her counselor last week, and had an emotional dialogue where the counselor shared her own story - which had a lot of parallels.
The upshot was basically that her counselor really thinks she would benefit from trying a low dose of something like Prozac, to help her with the negative thoughts and to help her take off the edge that prohibits her from really making progress with any other sort of therapy, supplements, positive thinking, etc.
She left - I think - feeling defeated and perhaps a little ganged-up on. I left it for now, thinking that she probably needs some time to let this sink in for her and do some of her own soul-searching and decision-making. It feels precarious for me... I don't want to pressure her into taking medication or defeat her with a sense of my being in charge - yet I also don't want to just let it go, because I can see that her own thinking is part of the challenge she faces right now.
So, we'll see.... the weekend had several moments where it was obvious that she's struggling and today has started off with a typical Monday blues-and-blahs feel. Doesn't help that my own feelings of melancholy winter depression are pretty prevalent today.
The upshot was basically that her counselor really thinks she would benefit from trying a low dose of something like Prozac, to help her with the negative thoughts and to help her take off the edge that prohibits her from really making progress with any other sort of therapy, supplements, positive thinking, etc.
She left - I think - feeling defeated and perhaps a little ganged-up on. I left it for now, thinking that she probably needs some time to let this sink in for her and do some of her own soul-searching and decision-making. It feels precarious for me... I don't want to pressure her into taking medication or defeat her with a sense of my being in charge - yet I also don't want to just let it go, because I can see that her own thinking is part of the challenge she faces right now.
So, we'll see.... the weekend had several moments where it was obvious that she's struggling and today has started off with a typical Monday blues-and-blahs feel. Doesn't help that my own feelings of melancholy winter depression are pretty prevalent today.
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Hang on, FreeOwl. I can feel how heavily this weighs on you. Unfortunately, like alcoholism, no one can force another to get help for their depression. You've made your stand and she has been given sound advice. I hope she finds her way into the light. You've done your part.
Don't go down with her. If you have to - get out of the house more by yourself. It's not good to become a nurse for someone who has been offered help and doesn't want it. She is going to have to find her own bottom.
Don't go down with her. If you have to - get out of the house more by yourself. It's not good to become a nurse for someone who has been offered help and doesn't want it. She is going to have to find her own bottom.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Hang on, FreeOwl. I can feel how heavily this weighs on you. Unfortunately, like alcoholism, no one can force another to get help for their depression. You've made your stand and she has been given sound advice. I hope she finds her way into the light. You've done your part.
Don't go down with her. If you have to - get out of the house more by yourself. It's not good to become a nurse for someone who has been offered help and doesn't want it. She is going to have to find her own bottom.
Don't go down with her. If you have to - get out of the house more by yourself. It's not good to become a nurse for someone who has been offered help and doesn't want it. She is going to have to find her own bottom.
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Yes, FreeOwl, I have a partner with major depression as well (in her case related to bipolar). It can take a while to find the right meds and they can have varying effectiveness and side effects so it tends to be the sooner the better oftentimes - though yes, I find giving some space to absorb is key (it is their choice). My wife's has generally been medication resistant this time (not that the meds have no effect, but still really depressed). Compassion to you and others dealing with this themselves or standing by as a loved one struggles.
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well.... my Lady has spent several weeks consulting with her counselor, her doctor, her friends and some of her family and has gotten a prescription for an SSRI that was suggested as the best likely option for her.
I know that she doesn't like the idea of meds and has been anxious and fearful about what taking meds may mean for her. I know it feels daunting to her and she fears it is a "forever" sentence.....
But she's progressed, she's taken the steps, she's come to a point where she feels that she just REALLY doesn't want to feel, act or be the way she has found herself feeling, acting and being for too long now. So.... she's come to admit that she is presently powerless over her depression and anxiety. She's accepted it, and come to believe that something other than herself may be able to help. She's sought counsel and medical opinion and has taken action to support her choice to take action in getting well....
Watching this unfold, it all seems quite familiar. I'm proud of her, and I'm hopeful, and though I know she's still feeling a little bit 'broken' - I hope that what comes of it is a marked improvement in her ability to love her life, experience Joy, feel OK....
I know that she doesn't like the idea of meds and has been anxious and fearful about what taking meds may mean for her. I know it feels daunting to her and she fears it is a "forever" sentence.....
But she's progressed, she's taken the steps, she's come to a point where she feels that she just REALLY doesn't want to feel, act or be the way she has found herself feeling, acting and being for too long now. So.... she's come to admit that she is presently powerless over her depression and anxiety. She's accepted it, and come to believe that something other than herself may be able to help. She's sought counsel and medical opinion and has taken action to support her choice to take action in getting well....
Watching this unfold, it all seems quite familiar. I'm proud of her, and I'm hopeful, and though I know she's still feeling a little bit 'broken' - I hope that what comes of it is a marked improvement in her ability to love her life, experience Joy, feel OK....
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I've suffered in similar thoughts to your wife, depression on and off since my early 20's, meds on and off, self-medicating with alcohol. My depression is currently hitting me big time and I've been ok with my current low dose Ssri for a little less time than I've been off the booze (2+ years)
The problems I see, from my experience is that the first few weeks of taking any type of anti-depressant can be a roller-coaster of emotions and side effects so sometimes it can take a while to get the right fit.
When the medication DOES start working, once the dose and med(s) are right for the individual, it can bring a person to a plateau to find a 'space' to attempt to deal with issues.
I hope your wife finds a 'breathing space' soon and I'm sure, from your words, she certainly has your support to help her through this difficult time.
Understanding and learning about depression is one of the best things I've ever done for myself, there are so many different approaches that can help to ease the guilt and self-blame we suffer. Learning that we are human is often the hardest step.
Best of fortune to you both
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
The problems I see, from my experience is that the first few weeks of taking any type of anti-depressant can be a roller-coaster of emotions and side effects so sometimes it can take a while to get the right fit.
When the medication DOES start working, once the dose and med(s) are right for the individual, it can bring a person to a plateau to find a 'space' to attempt to deal with issues.
I hope your wife finds a 'breathing space' soon and I'm sure, from your words, she certainly has your support to help her through this difficult time.
Understanding and learning about depression is one of the best things I've ever done for myself, there are so many different approaches that can help to ease the guilt and self-blame we suffer. Learning that we are human is often the hardest step.
Best of fortune to you both
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
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Thank you.
She begins her meds today. Right now she is still stuck on the belief that this is 'forever'.... that once she pops that pill, she will be consigned to being medicated and 'someone else' for life.
I believe that the role of medication for her is indeed one of making space and giving her the relief to then be able to address the root of her depression.
I get it though. The idea of never drinking again was daunting for me, and during the first year it was hard. But doing the work once I stopped drinking helped me treat the root cause.
I think there are similarities. Depression strikes me as something that one can recover from - perhaps medicine-free. But there are stages where medication helps one do the work of recovery.
She begins her meds today. Right now she is still stuck on the belief that this is 'forever'.... that once she pops that pill, she will be consigned to being medicated and 'someone else' for life.
I believe that the role of medication for her is indeed one of making space and giving her the relief to then be able to address the root of her depression.
I get it though. The idea of never drinking again was daunting for me, and during the first year it was hard. But doing the work once I stopped drinking helped me treat the root cause.
I think there are similarities. Depression strikes me as something that one can recover from - perhaps medicine-free. But there are stages where medication helps one do the work of recovery.
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I really hope your wife finds a place of peace soon.
Personally I have found help in the form of learning new skills that I've learnt through CBT and keeping in close contact with my doc, reporting any side effects of the meds, changes in mood, feelings etc
I've just seen my doctor today who is referring me for further therapy.
I have also been learning about the power of now which can really help when thoughts spiral to places like forever.
I would really recommend Eckhart Tolle for this area of thinking, really starts making sense when at that point of recovery.
All of these, and many more approaches are very useful tools in learning to change thinking patterns, which can lead to a place of understanding one's own mind and other changes, over relatively short time periods, allowing the sufferer to learn to cope with their condition, how it affects them and can lead to recovery from the depressive episode, new coping skills and a gradual withdrawal from meds and a more comfortable existence.
Parallels between depression and addiction and the recovery from both/either can be drawn easily.
Sorry if this is too much/misplaced, I so feel for wife.
One of my good friends, today, has admitted to having depression and is anti-meds but with advocates such as myself and others that have suffered in similar, we are encouraging her to seek help and she is slowly on the road to gaining much needed help from the medical system.
We are not alone in suffering...
Much empathy here for your wife
And much respect to yourself.
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Personally I have found help in the form of learning new skills that I've learnt through CBT and keeping in close contact with my doc, reporting any side effects of the meds, changes in mood, feelings etc
I've just seen my doctor today who is referring me for further therapy.
I have also been learning about the power of now which can really help when thoughts spiral to places like forever.
I would really recommend Eckhart Tolle for this area of thinking, really starts making sense when at that point of recovery.
All of these, and many more approaches are very useful tools in learning to change thinking patterns, which can lead to a place of understanding one's own mind and other changes, over relatively short time periods, allowing the sufferer to learn to cope with their condition, how it affects them and can lead to recovery from the depressive episode, new coping skills and a gradual withdrawal from meds and a more comfortable existence.
Parallels between depression and addiction and the recovery from both/either can be drawn easily.
Sorry if this is too much/misplaced, I so feel for wife.
One of my good friends, today, has admitted to having depression and is anti-meds but with advocates such as myself and others that have suffered in similar, we are encouraging her to seek help and she is slowly on the road to gaining much needed help from the medical system.
We are not alone in suffering...
Much empathy here for your wife
And much respect to yourself.
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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thank you for your thoughts and insights.
It's coming up on 2 weeks so far on her new meds, and she's gradually increasing the dosage.
Some days are good.... other days, seem almost worse.
A few days ago, she had a really big meltdown before bedtime.... emotionally overwhelmed, anxious, sad, sobbing, convinced it was hopeless..... nothing would ever 'work'.... nothing's 'going to fix it'. Feeling trapped by having to take a drug to be 'normal'. Fearing it would only get worse.... etc, etc.
Then last night at bedtime, it was a very upbeat and talkative person in her place. Sharing about all sorts of things, happy, positive, smiling....
Through it all, I'm just trying to remain conscious of the fact that whatever her inner experience may be - it's not what I see on the surface. Though things may seem all 'fine', I'm trying to remember that she's probably only able to share a small slice of her reality and her experience with me. I'm trying not to take it for granted. I'm trying not to react or to 'own' her emotions when things aren't going well. I'm trying to just stay supportive and not to try and offer to 'fix' or to 'help' - but rather just to 'be there' and to 'love'.
Some days, that's easier than others.
But, overall, I think it is progress.....
It's coming up on 2 weeks so far on her new meds, and she's gradually increasing the dosage.
Some days are good.... other days, seem almost worse.
A few days ago, she had a really big meltdown before bedtime.... emotionally overwhelmed, anxious, sad, sobbing, convinced it was hopeless..... nothing would ever 'work'.... nothing's 'going to fix it'. Feeling trapped by having to take a drug to be 'normal'. Fearing it would only get worse.... etc, etc.
Then last night at bedtime, it was a very upbeat and talkative person in her place. Sharing about all sorts of things, happy, positive, smiling....
Through it all, I'm just trying to remain conscious of the fact that whatever her inner experience may be - it's not what I see on the surface. Though things may seem all 'fine', I'm trying to remember that she's probably only able to share a small slice of her reality and her experience with me. I'm trying not to take it for granted. I'm trying not to react or to 'own' her emotions when things aren't going well. I'm trying to just stay supportive and not to try and offer to 'fix' or to 'help' - but rather just to 'be there' and to 'love'.
Some days, that's easier than others.
But, overall, I think it is progress.....
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