Bad Night

[novemberlady]

I stopped doing drugs because I knew it had a hold on my life. I stopped talking and hanging out with the people or the so called friends that I had during that time because I knew I had too, that it was not doing anything good for me. I lost contact with the good friends I had because they didnt want to have anything do do with an addict. I started to take care of myself, working like crazy, doing well for myself. I have a wonderful boyfriend, fantasitc family, but no girl friends, no ''coffee"buddies, I don't go out for "girl night outs".

Tonight my boyfriend went out with his friends which I have no problem with. I trust him and I love him. But when he goes out with the "boys", I get this over whelming sense of emptiness. Lonliness... I usually spend my nights when I am not with my BF, sitting at home, crying, or cleaning, or sitting on the computer. Feeling like I could just end things now, and I would NEVER have to feel like this again, I would never have to feel pain and sadness. I have the pills, I have the time, no one would or could find me until it was too late. I love my family and BF but I feel like I can't take the feeling of being alone, or having no 'friendships'. I am sick of being 'alone' sick of my messed up life.

I am not expecting a reply. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

[junem]

It takes time to make new sober friends in recovery. That is where I find AA helps. Loneliness is such a painful emotion and I suffer from it at times myself. Don't give up hope of finding that friend you yearn for. She may just be around the next corner. You need to get out there too. Perhaps you could join some sort of club, do volunteer work, take up a hobby that invoves being around other people.

[runningfree]

I too experience that sadness from the lack of friendships. I often blame myself for being too sensitive, too needy, too codependent, too immature and/or too screwed up! This is my normal way of blaming the bad friendships that I had/have on myself. The truth is that because of these I am deathly afraid to get close again. People are good and if you are kind they will respond. To find people that will be kind back and not manipulating is still a struggle for me, but I have found some that although I will not get real close to, they are nice and wonderful to be with and enjoy time together. You will find them. Do the above suggested things... Be around people to find people and you will see that others too want to be with you.