What does happiness really mean?????

[nucldragr]

I often times feel myself pondering that question, without any hopes of answering it. I am a dpressed alcoholic who wonders a lot about life and the meaning of it. My story is very long and complex, so I won't bore you with the details. I am realizing that I may have never known what happines was; and may never know what it is. I have been very down all day with different emotions that I can't seem to identify. I quess I just hoping for a lot of encouragement with this post and wondering if this is normal for people with depression to feel this low. An y words of advice or encouragement would be very nice. Thank You

nucldragr

[best]

Happiness I would think is a relative term.
The most basic form of true happiness I would say is Hope and faith.
You come here and read…you gather a hope as you find others have felt as you do and they made it through. Your hope turns into joy when you see first hand that it does get better.

So gather up some faith and hope. Faith that it works for others so it will work out for you as well. Hope for brighter days ahead as you have seen others take away as well.
Awake in the joy of tomorrow as you see it does get better and that today is a new day that can be filled with happiness and joy.

[junem]

For those of us who battle both addiction and mental illness the journey is indeed enormously hard. I find now that I work so hard at sobriety, I don't reap it's benefits as easily as others. While I watch others regain thier lives, family and friends and even embark on new adventures in thier sobriety I still struggle just to manage to perform the simplest fuctions of daily living and keep my head above water. Attempts to take on tasks outside of the most basic self care end up setting me back and avoidance of yet another hospital admission is the best I can manage. It is indeed a frustrating battle that I can not give up. There is no alternative but to keep trying. Encouragement for those such as I is oh so much required as we take yet another step on the slippery slope of recovery.

[runningfree]

I am not an alcoholic, but I have and do suffer from depression and the cruelty that it inflicts upon our minds. It is not a leg pain or a burn that a little pill or ointment can cure. It is a long journey of processes that is very hard and complicated. I still don't know if I will find true happiness that I will let stay with me for more than a few seconds without pushing it away because I don't want to be hurt. I know what good things are... I can appreciate the wonder and beauty that I am LUCKY to have or to see, but I can not feel inner peace and happiness that I deserve these things and that is the depression and recovery that I face. I long dark road that I walk very slowly down. I know that my journey is hard, but I also know that having addictions that complicate the depression is a road that is also hard and even harder. More often the people here are the most supportive because they have also been where you are with the feelings that you feel and they will help you feel that you are not alone. We may be words on a computer, but there is a loving heart typing those words. You are not alone!!!!

You will be free as I hope to also be free.

[degadar]

Aparently, happiness can be calculated by using the formula: Happiness = P + (5 x E) + (3 x H)
P standing for personality, E for the necessities of life and H for the higher aspects of existence.

My idea of happiness is slapping a mathmatician.

Hope this helps!

Deg.

[Juls]

I have had moments of happiness in my life, or what seemed to me the feeling of happiness, but I can't even address the concept of "true happiness." I struggle also so much with depression, anxiety, feeling crazy, that alot of the time I don't even know how I'm going to make it one day to the next.

I am a firm believer though in the power of "self-talk" and when I'm really struggling like now I try to focus on giving myself positive messages. I try to accept my feelings instead of getting fearful about them, but it is really hard. Right now, I'm having one of the most difficult times I've had in a long time.

Juls

[junem]

Positive self talk and learning to pace oneself and accepting my limitations are things I am working on. I do affirmations practically everyday and try not to miss a day of journalling. I long for the day when I shall be healthy enough to return to work. When I think of all the potential earnings I have lost over the past 3 years due to illness, I shake my head and sigh. Some of my symptoms of my mental illness cause me to endure slowing of speech and motor ability and at times I tremble. These things tend to make other people wary of me so finding sober friendships is difficult. Not that it has ever been easy for me to make friends as I am very nervous in social situations. I also believe that my anxiety symptoms tends to kick start alcohol cravings as the anxiety of both mimick eachother. I use to use alcohol to treat my hypervigalence and now I find my hypervigalence and tendancy to dissociate threaten my sobriety. Any relapses I have had has been while dissociated. Thanks for letting me vent and whine abit. It makes me feel better.

[junem]

Juls,
Learning not to be fearful of our feelings is a tough one. I"m sorry you are having such a tough time. Our feelings tend to be so exaggetated and sometimes we have no idea why we are feeling the way we feel. There is sometimes no rhyme or reason. I thank God I have a good psychiatrist/therapist who has helped me alot not to fear my emotions even though at times I find myself in an emotional hell. The one good thing I have learned is that I can ride such times out but support from others during those times is so very helpful. I think we need to help eachother out during the tough times. By all means elaborate on what you are going through, it helps.

[junem]

Ncldragr,
The stincky thing about depression is some times we recognize something around us that is joyful and we can intellectually acknowledge that it is joyful but we lack the emotion of joy. At least this has been my experience. One thing I can feel is the emotion of gratitude so I try and enjoy that emotion as often as I can and tell myself that joyful feelings will someday be an ability and when that day comes I'll not miss a single opportunity to cash in on it. Thanks for starting this thread. I find we with mental illness and addiction suffer a double whammy and we need to support one another.

[splendra]

I am happiest when I know I am taking care of my life ie: paying all my bills, eating right, doing stuff for and with my son, working,cleaning house and yard ect...

When I used to drink I equated happiness with being drunk the drunker I was the happier I thought I was but, today I am very glad that I realize that is just not true!

[runningfree]

[QUOTE=junem] The stincky thing about depression is some times we recognize something around us that is joyful and we can intellectually acknowledge that it is joyful but we lack the emotion of joy.

This is such a real experience. We can see it, acknowledge it, and know that it is a wonderful thing, but I know there is a feeling that comes with all of it. I would love to feel the feeling of true happiness! I feel that I have somewhat felt for a brief time for 3 times in my life. I didn't let it last long.
I don't let it last long because then the worry and anxiety comes in and removes any happy thoughts because I don't deserve it or I will lose it very soon... These three times are my wedding day, the birth of my first daughter and then the birth of my second daughter. As painful as those two births were, I would do it all over again to have that same feeling of joy with the little miracle that unfolded. I keep myself guarded my whole life.
Thanks ....

[Wolfstarr]

Hey nucldragr:

Just want to let you know I feel the lows too. I kinda feel the same as you although I am not an alcoholic/addict. I do have clinical depression and really don't know when I was really really happy. I am struggling right now with so many things, but I am trying to see the good things in life. Things that make me feel good. Some people I know do not make me feel good so I avoid them. (Ugh it's getting to be a lot of people I know these days...)
Anyway, you are not alone! We are on this jouney together and as traveling companions, we can share our experiences and learn from each other.
Wishing your journey is a fruitful, good experience.
As Conrad Aiken has inscribed on his tombstone, I quote
"Cosmos Mariner
destination....unknown"