Depression and Anxiety taking over

[nucldragr]

:sink My life in the past two months has been HELL. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the better half of five years and have been medicated accordingly. however, this time it seems to be much much much worse than I can remember it ever being. Some of the people who read this post will be familiar with my story, others of you will not and I wish for their sake it wasn't as hard as it is to talk about, but it is. I am your stereotypical co-dependant alcoholic who used to drink because I thought I had to to numb the pain I was feeling. But then it got worse, and now every day when I wake up it is the very first thought on mind; this disturbes me very much. It was never this bad before, why now? I want to believe that the cause is all based around my wifes addiction to attention and sex but then I realize that I drank before she started acting out. Now things are more complex, my wife is carrying around twin babies that don't belong to me. With the drinking, obviously, my depression and axiety attacks are not getting better and the meds don't seen to be helping this time. I dread going to bed at night sometimes because I know the next morning I will have to be up with the kids that we have together. Everything within me wants nothing more than to stay in bed and sulk in my own self-pity. However, financial and physical responsabilities do not allow me to do that. I feel like I am in HELL right now because of the thoughts and emotions I feel on constant basis. I was as close to suicide as you can be without actually doing it. I have had the police called on me several times in the past few months thanks to my counselor. I am at the end of my rope with my life right now and could really really use some emotional support with what I am dealing with. Anybody who can help I am more than open to any suggestion. Thank You and I am sorry for the length of this.

nucldragr

Hi nucldragr,

Sounds like you need to develop some coping methods. I would also see the doctor and let him know the medication is not working. They may need to make some changes. I found a post with some of the symtoms you are describing. Please try to take this a day at a time. There are answers that you will find to make your life better. Can you go to AA meetings or stress management meetings or somewhere where you can find some extra support right now?

I've been through some really hard times and can relate to how you are feeling. I can only say it passed. Keep going and your life will get better also.

Hugs,
MG


FLARE UP PERIODS
The term "flare up periods" or "flare ups" refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. Should he return to the use of alcohol or drugs, it will most likely be during one of these flare up periods. It is important, therefore, that the recovering alcoholic/addict, his family, his friends, his employer and anyone else who may play an important role during these periods become aware of how to recognize the onset of a flare up period and what to do when one occurs.

Flare ups occur at predictable intervals: five to six days, four to five weeks, eight to ten weeks, thirteen weeks, six months, nine months, and eleven to thirteen months after the last use of alcohol/drugs.

Factors in recognizing the onset of a flare up include feelings of irritability, moodiness, boredom, restlessness and difficulty in eating and sleeping. These emotional states grow in intensity and come to a peak which lasts up to three days. During these three days, the recovering alcoholic/ addict may be extremely depressed and irritable. He may feel all is hopeless, that nothing can go right and display outbursts of anger for almost no reason or because of something which would ordinarily be considered insignificant. There are also some physical signs indicating that he is approaching a danger zone. He may develop aches and pains, he may perspire more than ordinary and he may have headaches.There also may be behavior changes. These changes are sometimes so slight that they would be passed off without undue attention unless one is watching for them. Uncharacteristic juvenile behavior, unreasonable giggling and joy, expressions of weariness, restlessness or boredom, and a sudden concern about his health, job, family, loneliness, etc. are examples of such behavior changes.

WHAT TO DO
The first step in dealing with a flare up is to expect them and watch for the signs.
When you suspect that you are entering a flare up period, seek help from someone who will understand what you are going through, your counselor or therapist, your spouse, a fellow group member, AA, CA or a good friend (who won’t offer you a drink or drug) are possible sources of help. Sometimes just calling someone to talk to , going for a drive or working on a hobby will help reduce the tension of a flare up. In any case, it is best to keep busy.
Realize that the storm will pass. Flare ups usually last from one to three days. After it passes, things will return to normal again.
DO NOT DRINK! DO NOT USE DRUGS! One drink or drug will set off a chain reaction and you’ll find yourself completely loaded and right back where you started!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Hospitals have studied addicts/alcoholics that were brought in with brain damage severe enough to induce coma. The patients had to be fed through a tube. While they were hooked up to the IV's they took daily blood samples. A curious pattern started to emerge when they compared the tests for several hundred people who had stopped drinking/drugging when they were admitted to the hospitals. (coma's do that ya know... help you stop using that is...)

They found that the level of endorphines (pleasure receptors) dropped to zero after 4-7 days. Then after about 24-72 hours the endorphines came back AT A HIGHER LEVEL than they had been. Then at about 30 days the levels dropped to zero again. But after another 24-72 hours they came back, again at a higher level! This phenomenon repeats itself at a suspiciously familiar interval...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal endorphine level
~~++++++++++++++++ users level -- drugs/alcohol (+) provide the balance
~~ 1st week sober (notice the lack of drug support)
FLARE UP (24-72 hours each time)
~~~~ after 1st flare up (4-7 days)
~~~~~~ after 30 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~ after 60 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~ after 90 day's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 6 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after 9 month's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ after a year's flare up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ normal level reached after 1 1/2 years or more.

Hang in there and you WILL feel better.

[rock_bottom]

hey. i am so empathetic. i have serious suicidal ideation and i am heavily medicated. i do just fine most of the time, but sometimes it's like i relapse into my useless zombie mode and just want to sit and stare and cry. then anxiety kicks in and i will pace for half the day and god forbide anyone question me. anyways, what i am trying to say is that i may not be going through the same circumstances as you, but i feel your pain. i understand, and trust me, you are not alone. i truly hope you can get through this. i may not know the first thing about you, but we have something in common, and many other people on this site can relate to you. you have our support and please please keep us posted. you will pull through this.
keep your head up
seana

[boryad]

Excellent post MG...do you have a link anywhere for coping methods for the non-addict?

I'm not suicidal, at least I don't believe I am, but I often think it'd be a good thing (and the easy way out) if I wasn't here any more. It sounds selfish but I honestly think it'd be a good thing for those around me as well.

This site has a lot of good information.

http://www.coping.org/relations/content.htm