New Member

[Zeph]

Hey Everyone,

I am Zeph. I am new to this forum. I have been through a very traumatic experience recently and it has cuased my depression to kick into high gear.

My wife of 21 years began seeing someone else. It almost ended mour marriage. Actually, it probably strengthed our marriage in the long run, but now I look at things differently and I am confused, wooried, or depressed a lot.

I gave her an ultimatum but it did no good. In fact, we I allowed the realtionship to continue, we got closer. I think it is unconditional love (if such a thing exists). I don't want to start making rules for the woman I love. I have so many issues myself, if I can't allow her to have this issue she may lose tolerance with me.

Everyone I have talked to has said I need to force her to end it or else. Except the "or else" part is soemthing I do not want. I will lose my house, family, etc.

Since this has all happened, I find myself woryying about other things more as weel. Things like money, freinds, family, etc. I feel as if I have no friends, may wife's family has been very cold (they are upset because I will not enforce an ultimatum), and I am terrified about many things.

Sorry for ranting. I just wanted to jump into this forum and see what others think.

Thanks,

Zeph

[MootPoint]

Hi Zeph and welcome to SR!

Everyone I have talked to has said I need to force her to end it or else. Except the "or else" part is soemthing I do not want

So you are stuck in this ongoing situation because of love and losing everything???????

And you wonder why you're worrying about other stuff as well.

I find that when my worry level reaches a certain point, it spills over into other avenues of worry. Money, weather, everything serious and trivial.

Do you have someone in f2f who will just LISTEN to you? Not tell you to leave her or even give advice, just listen? Do you have a therapist? Maybe a trusted clergyman? Just someone to talk to?

Any time you need to rant, we're here. And ranting's always welcome

sending hugs your way

[Gabe]

Hey Zeph,
What is your definition of an ultimatum? That's probably key here. What is non-negotiable for you? Can you continue on in a relationship with someone who isn't being faithful to you? And if you can, will that make you happy?
You can't force her to do anything. You can tell her what your boundaries are and what you can accept or not accept.
My point is, be clear on what you need and what she is capable of giving in return.
And feel free to rant away. That's why we're here.
Gabe