every night

[Dazd]

i go to bed praying I won't wake up, Every morning I lie in bed praying to either go back to sleep or die. The feeling weak and useless that Runningfree describes so well is how I feel.

My roomate and her daughter live with me, which makes it even worse. If I had the money, I'd be living alone.

I do not have prescription coverage so the only meds I take are those the docs have samples for. They help, but not all that much. I'm in therapy, which doesn't help much.

This is not a suicide note, I'm not planning to hurt myself.
.

[Gabe]

Hey Dazd,
Where I live, there are Mental Health resources available for people who don't have insurance. I'll bet there is something like that in your area too. Check out your yellow pages or do some internet research.
Depression is very serious and there is help out there.
You deserve to be happy.
Hugs,
Gabe

[Dazd]

Thanks Gabe.

However, I've done that. Gone through Human Resources, Department of Social Services, even went so far as to contact the my state's delegate to the House of Representatives. She put her fingers to the grindstone (well, her secretaries) and SHE couldn't come up with anything.

I'm stable enough to not be suicidal, but that's really as far as it goes.

I give my doctor major credit because for the past year, he has raided his stash of samples, and even other docs. He is trying his best!

[sweeks]

Hi dazd! Gabe is right you deserve to be happy. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I'm usually pretty good at finding stuff online.

P.S. You a fan of Douglas Adams'? I ask because of your avatar...lol

[Dazd]

Just coming in here and writing that helped. I'm usually pretty quiet about my probs, bottling them up.

I've been to a site called Needy Meds and they have helped with 2 of my meds. The rest aren't covered by the pharmaceutical indegent program. I really tried.

Of course I'm a fan of Douglas Adams! And the meaning of life IS 42.

[Gabe]

Dazd,
I'm glad coming here and posting helped.
Keep it up.
Sometimes, just getting things out is the first step in the right direction.
And about your location...I thought I saw something in that tree out back.
Hugs,
Gabe

[Dazd]

believe it or not, Gabe, that was a major vent for me

ing back from the backyard.

[Gabe]

Dazd,
It's been a weird day.
I may come join you in the tree.
I'll be the next branch up.
Gabe

[runningfree]

I would love to join you in the tree if I am not intruding, but I get terribly sick with any type of heights. Yes I am the one that is throwing up watching the folks on a roller coaster!
Dazd,
I do know how you feel and I wish that I could help you. It must be frustrating to not be able to get medication or have to worry about if you will be able to get it. I am fortunate that I can get it, but I just can't find it to work! I hope that you are feeling a bit loved from your experience here and that knowing that people such as myself are struggling with this "delightful phase of life" together. I know I might sound cynical, but it is a coping mechanism that I am using right now. Please stick with it!
Runningfree... I need to change my name because I really am not runningfree

[Dazd]

Gabe, pull up a branch. The coffee pot is to your right, sitting next to the binoculars. No, they weren't meant for YOUR window

;::::: passes cup of java to runningfree on the ground :::::::: Runningfree is a beautiful name...... one you can grow into.

This, ugh, delightful phase of life has been solid for the past 7 yrs, off and on since I was 8. My father killed himself, etc etc about family history. In short, actually I made it long, its probably not going to go away soon.

I'm feeling much better after posting here.

[Sandy Marie]

I feel better after reading your posts. I've been struggling with the news that my sister's paranoid schizophrenia has progressed. I have felt completely helpless to help her. I cry a lot for her because she won't let anyone help her because she doesn't think anything's wrong with her. Anyway...I didn't mean to dump on anyone. I just needed to say the words.
Sandy

[sweeks]

((((Sandy)))) Don't feel bad for dumping! I think thats what alot of us do here from time to time (I sure do lol) I'm glad you are here

Dazd, I just wanted to say that I wish you the best and I think you can get through this. I think your sense of humor will be your savior.

*grabs a chair for runningfree and proceeds to hang up her hammock*

[Sandy Marie]

Thank you Sweeks...or maybe it should be Sweets since that's what you are.

Dazd...where did you get your avatar? So cool.