Can Anyone Help me?

[lurkings]

From Bluesman, I wanted to give it its own place!

~Lurkings

Can anyone help me?
Hi all, I had 51 days sober and blew it all last night. I am dually diagnosed with Bipolar II and alcoholism. It seems the lithium starts kicking in, and then I start to feel better, and then that is when I get dangerous. I do meetings, therapy, meds. I do everything I am supposed to do except call my sponsor. What's left for me if AA don't work? I mean, meetings and steps are OK, but if my own mind is overpowering me, what good is it all? Anyway, the booze and lithium have caused a suicidal feeling inside me.
Please pray for me and give me some clue as what I could do to STAY sober. ~Bluesman

[ScrewUP]

Hey,
yea I made it 60 days.. and since then I have not gone longer then 2 weeks.. Its so so hard, I did meetings and the steps and all of that too.. and my mind was definatly overpowering.. and I dont know how to stop that, to this day! It makes me so angry becuz at times i will do well.. and then I just act on impulse and the cycle starts all over again.. do you know what I mean? Well, I have only been diagnosed with chemical dependancy and severe depression.. now they are looking at borderline personality disorder.. do you ever get sick of people naming everything possible taht can be wrong with you.. in my opinon half of what they say is bullshit. I mean they dont know how you really feel inside, or whats going on in your head..ya know? well we should talk because i feel we are both in a struggle.. and it would be good to hear what your doing as well
Thanks.. goodluck and keep in touch
Mareah

[splendra]

My sponcer says you have to want to be clean more than you want to use. We will usually go with what we want the most....If I really want to stay clean when that little devil jumps on my shoulder and starts talking $hit to me I can just knock him off and keep going with my sober living.

Don't ya'll want to be clean. I will be praying for both of you to stay clean so that you can really find out what enjoying life is about....

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by lurkings

I do meetings, therapy, meds. I do everything I am supposed to do except call my sponsor. What's left for me if AA don't work? ~Bluesman

Bluesman, I hope you are listening. Really listening!! You probably don't want to hear my answers but if you are not calling your sponsor and not calling other AA members throughout the week then you are NOT working AA! If you really WANT to stay sober then call your sponsor every day. Even if you don't have anything to say. You can start by calling your sponsor and saying hey,"I'm having a hard time staying sober right now so if it's okay I would like to call you everyday or a couple times a day to check in with you and so that when I really do need you, then I won't hesitate to call." This is what my sponsor has me do (Although, I must let you know that I am not an Alcoholic, but rather an Al-anon). And sometimes I just my sponsor and say, "Hi, How are you today.... Thanks, I'm Fine. So I will talk to you tomorrow."

The sponsor/sponsoree relationship is a vital part of the sucess of the AA program.

Originally Posted by lurkings

Anyway, the booze and lithium have caused a suicidal feeling inside me.
Please pray for me and give me some clue as what I could do to STAY sober. ~Bluesman

Suicidal thoughts and feelings are to be taken seriously. I found this out during my recent hospital stay for my major depressive episode from my bipolar disorder.

Are you talking to your therapist about these thoughts? If not you should be (as someone advised me a week ago when I took their advice). The 5 day hospital stay was like a wonderful vacation to me. I throughly enjoyed not having to think and having meals made for me 3 times a day. And they started me on meds while I was there. Maybe this might be something for you to think about or talk to someone about while you are going through this. If you decide to quit drinking you can go into a crisis intervention center to detox and get meds straight while knowing you won't kill yourself or anyone else while you are in a fragile state of mind. These are just suggestions. Only you know what is right for you.

But I do know that a slip is just that - a slip. Just pick yourself up and keep going and be proud of yourself for working on your recovery!

REMEMBER: Progress over perfection! (Progress is all we can strive for)

You have lots of friends here and sometimes I and others may point out the hard truth, but that is what you have to face if you ever truely want recovery. And we want to help you in everyway!

Sending prayers your way,
Jenna

[shutterbug]

Lurkings,
Have you heard from Bluesman. I hope he knows how much we are here for him and praying for him. Please pass the message along if you see him around.