It's getting too stressful for me. Advice

[Soul Catcher]

I usually post to Family of Alcoholics, which in turn brings me here. My kids are 4,3,3. With what I am dealing with I feel like I may break. I take Lexapro which I think is a joke, I also take xanex to sleep. I don't take them during the day cause they make me tired and then I am more irratable. I kn ow I am supposed to let the past go but when I was six month pg my dh got a one night stand pg and we pay out $1200 a month. Right now he is about seven months behind and they are trying to throw him in jail. If they do that then we lose the house cause they will put him in for a six months to a year. The other woman doesn't have a care in the world and is financially secure, she just wants revenge. Anyhow, I am dealing with my husband drinking and now recovering for the millionth time. We are so past due on our bills it's absurd. We will soon catch up but it seems to fall on my shoulders and I find myself flippin out. I love my kids and get so nervous if I do get away from them. I am pretty much ok until my husband gets home and then it's like "lets make mommy a nervous wreck". I have to cook, clean, bath, help everyone with whatever that is. He tries to help but it feels like he just gets in my way....Confension time and no one knows but one other person.....I tried Percs for about a month and had so much energy and felt happy. IT also made me have intestinal probs so I quit. Plus I ran out. I don't want to be addicted to drugs to deal with my family. I wonder if the lexapro and xanex has changed my body chemistry so much that I can't function. I don't know what to do. I am starting to feel like I am failing at my job of being a mother because I yell at them often and they are only babies. Is it normal cause maybe 4,3,3 year olds test thier mothers? Did all of you get stressed out at this age? Do you suggest getting out more than one day or night a week? Would they listen a bit better if I put them in a daycare program. I stay at home and have since their births. No wonder I am insane huh? Just some advice and support. Sorry so long. I have cabin fever and need to go take a break today, haven't been out of the house during the day in forever. No money. Thanks for reading this junk.

[lurkings]

~Soul Catcher~
Hi! I am sorry that you are going through a rough time... I will share my humble opinion but I really hope you know you have my support.

In my area there is a thing called CCRN (Child Care Resource Network) and it is a government program that helps parents pay for daycare...

As you probably suspected I am going suggest that you put them some place for the day... Here is my reasons... 1. It gives you a break. 2. It gives them a chance to play with other kids and I think you will notice them getting a long better. 3. it helps get them prepared for the adjustment to school.

Now since I am an Activities Director at a Preschool I am going to give you some tips.
1. A preschool not a daycare.
Kids that go to daycare are not (in my opinion) providing enough for children. Then do not reinforce education. Kids are like sponges and what you teach them in these early years sets the building blocks for their future.

2. Monessouri (sp?)
This is a style of teaching it is hands on, at a childs pace, and really helps kids to work on things as they are ready and they will surprise you! A real Monessouri is huge money. So I would look for a places that encourages hands on learning, small classrooms and ask about the kids that went to kindergarten. Our program is styled after this and our kids that go to school are reading before kindergarten and doing simple math. One of the tricks if you want to start now is teaching sounds rather than letter. Only say it once... For example it isn't b= buh buh it is just buh. Then as the know the sounds they put them together buh ehhh dah... bed...

In Florida one teacher can have 15 four year olds... That is tooooooooo many... Small classes.. 10 or 11 is plenty.

3. Routine!!!!!!!
Kids need routine they should have it posted along with all thier licenses and if they don't ask!

4. Flexibility
The best thing is a school that can be flexible with a childs need more attention and some need less. In there is a separation anxiety let the kids know you are leaving and when to expect you back (After lunch, after nap...) For anxiety I have found that waving to the parents out the window works best because they know you are gone and do not have to wonder and then they rely on the adult. When you walk in are the kids in the rooms happy, running around or crying... What is the teachers demenor?

5. Open communitcation...
Ask if you can call and check up. Ask if you can peek and a see them without being seen. These are important things. Tell them how long your child is allowed to cry. We allow about five minutes of continuous un ceasing crying before we call parents or let someone know. If they remain upset but are not crying encourage them to stick it out. Once they figure out you come back and they have fun it gets better.

One of the best things you can do is at first drop them off and don't lingure... Call them after about 20 minutes to check. And pick them up early. Do half days at first and work up to longer days.

Encourage the kids to be in different classes because that will help them play great together at home and I garauntee they will see each other throughout the day.

I hope that helps...

As for Lexapro I am on it. I get tired about half way through the day and also get upset and frustrated. My Dr. says that is normal but I don't like it.

I am sorry for the junk your dh left on you and I hope you can find some support but definitly find some "you" time!

~Lurkings