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Telling people to smile

Old 08-23-2014, 02:47 AM
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Telling people to smile

This may be petty but I don't understand the mentality of someone who says to a total stranger "Smile!" knowing nothing about the unhappy looking person. Having depression off and on for many years I've gotten this a lot and I find it slightly offensive. Especially," Smile, its not that bad!" I would just figure that if I see someone who looks deeply troubled, chirping"Smile!" at them is not only inconsiderate, I might have a foot up my @$$ real quick.

There's a new young woman I work with who is very quiet and looks miserable every day. Who knows what she's going through? She may have just lost her mom. She might be getting abused. She may have a real demon to contend with. This didn't occur to my boss who came bubbling over and said loudly," Has anyone ever seen this girl smile?" He's one of those always getting on people's case about smiling. I'm sure she was uncomfortable as about seven pairs of eyes were suddenly on her.

She keeps on frowning, good for her. I have learned to keep my expression more uplifted than I want to all day so I won't have to deal with the intrusive "Smile, it's a nice day!" type of comments. I wish if I looked sad people would just figure I have something to be sad about and it's OK to be sad, and to look how I feel....I've never heard anyone else complain about this so maybe I'm alone on this one. ?
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Old 08-23-2014, 03:21 AM
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I couldn't agree more LS. I used to get it a lot, maybe I have that kind of face, but even if I wasn't feeling sad, just thoughtful or concentrating, someone would say that. It's hard to know what to do, do you act grumpy even if you weren't before or do you 'obey' and give a big fake smile because someone told you to?
Some of the buses I ride on have a sign in the windscreen saying 'SMILE'. This really annoys me because although I always say good morning to the driver, and often have a joke, I don't appreciate being told to. I'm a paying customer, I'm not mean or nasty, I'll decide whether I'll smile. Another thing is that the driver is often the grumpy one!

Anyway, in closing:
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Old 08-23-2014, 05:34 AM
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Oh dear yes. One day some years ago, I went to work. I was quiet and doing my job. Coworker beside me says "smile, you look like you just lost your best friend" she said it like a joke.

But I just had lost my best friend. oops. She looked sheepish when I told her that. Like you say, sometimes it is not nothing.
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Old 08-23-2014, 08:22 AM
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That is excellent & well said LS. I'm also not perky as some are esp in the morning. But it's not my personality. I've gotten that same response of "it's not that bad is it?" More than 90% of time there's just nthg going on. Guess I carry same gene from my old man coz he's even worse; @ least now I make an effort since I'm sober. Don't want to carry gloomy face to mtgs & have newcomers wonder if sobriety is actually a drag
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Old 08-23-2014, 11:50 AM
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Well some of us have what is known as BRF (B*tchy Resting Face). Not sad, or mad, it's just my face. Google it for examples.

Personally, I think walking around overly smiling is a little weird, but that's just me talking.
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Old 08-23-2014, 12:02 PM
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Yeah, control freaks everywhere.

I was traveling on a plane across country to go to my grandfather's funeral and got seated next to the chirpiest lady who wouldn't shut the hell up even after I told her where I was going and that I didn't want to talk.

I wish I had asked to be moved. Inconsiderate to say the least.
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Old 08-23-2014, 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Yeah, control freaks everywhere.

I was traveling on a plane across country to go to my grandfather's funeral and got seated next to the chirpiest lady who wouldn't shut the hell up even after I told her where I was going and that I didn't want to talk.

I wish I had asked to be moved. Inconsiderate to say the least.
That was probably my mother Bimini.

In all seriousness I hide behind a smile more often than not as I want smile lines when I am older rather than frown lines.
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Old 08-25-2014, 05:31 PM
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I like smiling, as long as it is a good smile ()... I hate crooked smiles:
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Old 08-31-2014, 03:10 PM
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I like smiling too better to try and be happy
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Old 08-31-2014, 03:40 PM
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I am generally a happy smiley person but I also strongly dislike being told to smile by strangers. I remember right after my father died it was all I could do to go out in public and not sob my heart out. Some stranger said "smile, it's not that bad" and I was like "oh, really?". Another time my boss told me that my chipper nature was a great morale booster so was relying on me to maintain that while the company went through a hard time. I was a bit offended because my moods are actually genuine, not put on for his benefit and not something I owed him or that he paid me wages for. I'll smile if I feel like it which thankfully is a lot of the time.
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Old 09-02-2014, 08:40 PM
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......like the complete stranger who is doing a campaign of hugging.
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Old 09-07-2014, 08:01 AM
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I use to get that all the time because I have ADHD and one of the symptoms is a expressionless look or negative facial features even when im jumping up and down inside im so happy I look negative it sucks what people think about me but this is how God made me and thats how it is like it or not you guys are lucky you actually smile when your happy. Actually maybe it is' nt all bad when someone like your talking about see's me coming they just turn around and walk away very fast.
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Old 09-08-2014, 12:12 AM
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Ya I dont smile a lot. I havent been diagnosed with ADD, or ADHD. But I have seen a few adults with it and I am totally not like that. They are sooo hyper for soooo looong about trivial (atleast to me) things. I just dont like to talk much, rarely smile, neutral facial expressions, but I let out laughter, tears, sadness. Depression has a lot to do with it.
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Old 09-08-2014, 06:49 AM
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I'm diagnosed with severe depression. Yet I still smile. But I do resent people who tell me to smile.

First give me something to smile about! :O
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Old 09-13-2014, 12:26 AM
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For the most of your office hours, I think you should stay away from her only if you think it could be difficult to cope with her attitude and overall manners. At least you can be wary of yourself and your situation. I do not think it will be good to wink at her distresses. Of course, you can help her but in a very thoughtful manner.
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:43 AM
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When I was committed to a psych ward, one of the nurses repeatedly told me to smile if I wanted any chance of getting out. (My doctor is still amazed they kept me. It was a mess, and it wasn't where I needed to be.)

I thought. . ."Really? The mental health community is asking me to fake emotions to *get out*? One of many reasons I have such bad memories of a place that took me backwards, not forwards.

Unrelated, sometimes I think people say *smile* out of selfishness. It is uncomfortable for them to bare witness to another person's pain. My guess is they have no idea that their statements are self-motivated.
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Old 09-17-2014, 06:39 AM
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Or they are just plain smiling idiots, there is such a person. .ive seen them..God Bless their hearts.
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Old 09-17-2014, 07:52 AM
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I smile, but can't stand it when people TELL me to smile. I will smile when I want to! MYOB.
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Old 09-17-2014, 07:58 AM
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Yeah, as a younger woman I used to get this all the time. As a born-and-bred codependent I used to obey the order all the time. I found it very freeing when I realized it's not any woman's job to make themselves more appealing to strange men on the street. Does this happen to men, too?
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Old 09-17-2014, 08:42 AM
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I hate it when people tell me to smile. Believe me nobody wants to see what drugs and alcohol have done to my teeth.
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