 Acceptance
I have been clean a & sober since May 12th, 2002 and about 6 months after that I was diagnoised with bi-polar 1, manic depressive with schz. I have a colamarite of other issues that I am also dealing with PTSD, OCD, Battered Womens Syndrome, it seems like the list goes on and on. I have accepted everything, except my bi-polar. For some reason I just feel as if I should be able to pick myself up and snap out of it, but obviously I can't. So, therefore I put alot of quilt and shame upon myself.
I have 2 sons that live with thier father and on several occasions I have had to cancel because of my illness. The last time was on the 4th of July. I decided to be honest with all 3 of them and tell them that I have bi-polar. I just couldn't tell another like and even though I told the truth, it hurt like hell. Guilt, shame. The non-acceptance. Why can't I accept this illness, this disease???!!!! My boys are 12 and 14. They were upset about it, but what could they do. My pdoc says when I'm in that state it's better to cancel than to have them here. I just dont know.
I don't share my illness in the meetings, there is a stereotype that I just rather would not deal with. (Medication and so forth)
I need help. How did you, anyone learn to accept thier illness? When did it happen? How did it happen?
PrepJackie
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07-13-2004, 06:52 AM
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