I am a mess

[paula a.]

I have been trying so hard to keep it all together, but it just isn't working. I haven't got energy for anything and I can't remember anything. I just can't focus and it's making me crazy. My house is a wreck and I don't care, I run around for an hour before the H gets home picking up just so I can avoid the fight that is sure to happen because the place is a mess, because I sure as hell don't have the energy to argue. I am a party plan consultant and my business is successful one month and the next I can't make myself work, as a result I have promoted and then fell back a few times now. I couldn't find something in my office if my life depended on it, I pile things on my desk then move them to a shelf and finally to a box and don't even look to see what I am putting in there. Just keep moving it so I don't have to deal with it. Any kind of loud noise grates on my nerves to the point that I have to leave the room if the t.v. is too loud, or my poor 5 year old gets yelled at to PLEASE play quietly. I am desperately trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for my kids, but I am so tired...
I have been on and off anti depressants for five years now, never with counseling though and I think it's about time I figure out what is going on with me, not just medicating to get through it. I did finally make an appointment with a counselor, but she can't get me in for two weeks and right now that seems like an eternity. Wow, what a rambling post, sorry gang!
Paula

[51anna]

Hi Paula,

I'm sorry you're feeling badly. You say you've been on and off anti-depressants for five years. I've taken anti-depressants for a few years and it's made a big difference in my life. It's not that everything is wonderful, but for the first time in my life, I can cope with things. But, it took trying 3 different medications and then adjusting the dose 3 times to get it right. I guess I'm saying don't give up on anti-depressants too easily if they might work for you. Also, like you said, counselling could make a difference too. I hope you can hang in for two more weeks and then maybe things will improve.

Love, Anna

[lurkings]

~Paula~
I always feel alittle uneasy posting for other people I don't know that well because I never really feel that I can help but I will give it a shot. I am kind of you though...

My room is a disaster, my work stuff is a disaster and I usualy only clean to advoid a conflict. I have just felt like everything in my life has been one mess or another to clean up after. I started counseling back in December. It, to tell you ther truth, has made a big difference. It didn't come easy and isn't until recently when I look bad through my journal that I notice I have made progress. People don't realize that stupid or significant things that happened to them as a child have shaped who they are and how they cope today.

I would recommend seeing a counselor whether people view themselves as having problems or not. I hope you are not like me where you didn't realize things that happened because they were too traumatic but I really feel for you. I think being disorganized should be a disability... LOL Let me tell you I would be first on the list. You will notice that you should start feeling better through therapy because you are not holding anything and the counselor might bring things to light to help you.

Congratulations on your willingness to participate. Two weeks DOES seem like an eternity (sp?)! I called several places and spoke to many people before I found a coounselor who I liked. Don't settle okay? Don't be afraid to ask about licensing and payment options (if you are in that position).

If you have any questions I will answer all that I can okay? You are a good person and hang in... Keep posting so people can support you!

~Lurkings

[dotcom]

hi paula, how are you doing?

[paula a.]

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies. Today is a better day, not sure why since my life is still chaos!LOL Just patiently waiting for my first appt. with the counselor. I really hope I like her because I just don't know if I am strong enough to deal with searching for the perfect one. Time will tell, right?
Have a happy day everyone!
Paula

Dotcom--love your signature line!

[dotcom]

paula,

glad today is better! arg, i dont like those days that seem so bleak and chaotic. hope your appointment goes well!

hugs,

dot

[poohbear31]

Hi all,
I am brand-new to this site...and already I feel like I am finally in a place where ppl understand me! A quick question..how do i post a new message?

I can relate to so many of the posts i have already read. I have suffered for 12 years now, of being mis-diagnosed, manic episodes, feelings of worthlessness, etc. I was finally told i have bi-polar disorder and OCD. It was kinda of a relieve to finally know what in the hell was wrong w/ me..but, now I have to deal with it. I have been on count-less meds. and everytime i think that i am doing better, i go off of them, only to have the symptoms return! I am currently on the med Lamictal, and after 5 weeks i think it is helping w/ my moods. I know longer have the rages like i did. However, it is doing nothing for my depression. My doctor has suggested that i apply for disability. But ,i feel like i will be labled by society and it will be like i have given up. I don't know what to do..any suggestions will be appreciated!