Jeni26

My therapist is working with me using transactional analysis. She believes it will help me by focusing on my interactions with others which can be child-like, and need to move to an adult state. There are a lot of issues which stem from my childhood to explore, but at present she feels I'm in too vulnerable a position, and need to look to erect some 'scaffolding' which would help catch me should I fall before looking at the trauma itself. She is aware of my alcoholism and is herself primarily trained in working with alcoholics and survivors of childhood abuse. She feels that 10 months is still early in sobriety, and she and I need to tread cautiously through this. I have a great deal of faith in her.
She has given me some literature to read.
Just wondered if anyone else has experience of working through therapy this way. I'm asking cautiously I guess because I'm not sure I want to hear if it didn't work for you... But I'm genuinely interested in learning more about it.
Thanks x

JJamie

I know about trauma and surviving childhood abuse , my much older siblings acted out alot in highschool and my parents feared I was going down the same path. I was sent to "boarding school". Its all about prevention...

So I was handed over to the abusive "teenage behavior modification" industry at 12 years old. Posing as schools, these unregulated monstrosities are still to this day praying on the fears of parents while physically, emotionally and allowing sexual abuse of young people in facilities that wouldn’t meet prison standards, let alone standards for schools or hospitals. Today many of there websites still use words like 'college preparatory' and 'therapy' to hide what they realy do and how they do it.


I am reading Transactional Analysis

Thankyou. Mabey it can help me heal some scars.

Jeni26

Jjamie, I'm sorry to hear you went through that, my thoughts are with you.
Are you working with a therapist?

Thankyou for the link. I am planning on researching this thoroughly.

My therapist is confident that this will work with me and I hope you too will find your peace.

Take good care of yourself x

JJamie

I have been in lots of therapy and learned alot, I think the of most important lessons was on boundary setting.

My last therapist totaly ruined her rapport with me rather quickly when I was expression some emotion by asking me the question "Do you feel like hurting yourself"?

My heart started racing right out of my chest cause I know that means if its belived that I feel that way I will be subjected to inpatient psychiatry (psychiatric arrest) to avoid liability.

The last thing I need if I was actualy feeling suicidal is to loose all my rights and freedom, be strip searched naked with my bare feet touching the hospital floor (the so called 'skin assessment') and coerced to take drugs I don't want behind locked doors. Been there done that, it was a very very ugly thing let me tell you.

I was reading http://www.goodtherapy.org/transactional-analysis.html and it states "The atmosphere that supports transactional analysis is one of comfort, security and respect. A positive relationship is forged between the clinician and the client in order to provide a model for subsequent relationships that are developed outside the therapy arena."

The primary focus of transactional analysis is to empower people with the ability to achieve psychological well-being.

I realy like that word empower, mabey they are starting to understand survivors of abuse and have some helpful stuff.

Thanks for helping me find this.

Jeni26

I honestly don't believe it's possible for effective therapy of any sort to take place without comfort, security and respect.

For survivors of abuse it is imperative to feel safe, as without that, any progress is doomed.

I fought against therapy for a long time, the thought terrified me. I can't honestly say I don't suffer some pretty extreme anxiety leading up to it and driving there.

I'm at the really early stages, and our experiences are very different, but I do feel safe with her. She is direct but not threatening. She has outlined how she wants to work with me and I really think her approach and by using this sort of therapy could be an effective combination.

After getting sober, my flashbacks, nightmares and insomnia have increased and rather than running away from support, I'm sort of desperate for some help to overcome this now.

I really hope you find some support that works for you JJamie. It sounds like you're working hard on yourself to get well.

Thinking of you x

JJamie

One thing I can tell you about my 100s mabey even low 1000s of hours of group therapy for alcoholism/addiction is that an abusive past was the common thread among almost everyone in the groups and I was not with the same group the whole time or even in the same place. New people would come to replace those who moved on. I have been to group with 100s of people. These were not abuse survivor groups but only alcoholism/addiction.

That tells me alot and considering that No biological or genetic mechanisms have been identified that account for addictive behavior. Even for alcoholism, the evidence for genetic inheritance is minor.

The old saying "Hurt people hurt people" accounts for the all the evidence for genetic inheritance. Yes I used the strong word "all" . Alcoholism/addiction can make a people very abusive and all the evidence I have ever seen in real life proves being abused can cause alcoholism/addiction. There is the inheritance factor. Thats it.

There is no evidence for much of anything biological psychiatry sells, but they go around telling people they have defective brains that never get better, that never can heal. Don't even get me started on picking apart the rest of the biological bull. I have been abused by psychiatry as I stated in other posts for refusing there 'treatments'. There coercive abusive behavoir toward patients shows just how smart they are.

I used to wonder, can I ever realy be fixed by any of this therapy or am I like one of those rescued abused dogs that will always be a like stand offish and a bit to quick to bite ?

I was confused by the way everything is amplified in early sobriety. Getting sober is so much like when it first gets warm out in early summer and you go outside without shoes, you feel every little thing you step on at first but by late summer its no problem. In early sobriety I realy felt that old stuff again and I thought I would always feel it at that level.

That was always my biggest mistake my thinking the way early sobriety feels was a permanent condition and this lead to relaps every time.

Thats enough yapping from me, what have you learned in this new therapy ?

Jeni26

Thanks for your post JJamie.

I think I'm too early on to tell you what I've learned so far. I was just interested to know if others have found it effective. But I will happily stay in touch as my therapy progresses.

I wanted to share something however, my therapist made it clear in my very first session that there was only 1 reason she would ever break my confidence. That anything I told her and shared would remain between us UNLESS she was concerned about the safety of a child. And for me, I felt reassured by that. I have some pretty heavy stuff to off-load, I'm sure you understand that. And I need to trust her, not worry she's going to call in psychiatric services or have me carted off somewhere. I don't have the same traumatic experiences as you, and it wouldn't have even entered my mind that this was a possibility.

I've only been going for a few weeks. She has my doctors name and address, and I guess she could contact him, but I don't believe she would. I'm not suicidal or a danger to myself ( though I have been both in the past), and I'm just searching for some help to overcome and come to terms with the dark thoughts that keep me awake at night.

Maybe getting everything up-front with a therapist before starting would help? I certainly was ok with what mine told me. I'm afraid of sharing, I'm afraid of confronting things, but I'm not afraid of confidentiality. Maybe I'm just being naive?

Jen x

JJamie

Now you have me playing the guessing game, Im guessing your worried that the source of the past/present abuse will be reported to the police and you dont want that.

That confidentiality stuff has some strong law behind it, I wouldent worry about it.

Dark thoughts, self blame and revenge fantasies ?

I just found this ASCA - Survivor to Thriver Manual

This part stuck out to me.

What About Confronting My Abusers?

"For still others it may mean writing articles, stories, newspaper op-ed pieces or by speaking out in public gatherings."

Thats what I do alot already online. I was starting to wonder if it was healthy or not. If I had a time machine I would do direct confrontation.

Im going to read the rest of that link.

Mattcake

Hi Jeni,

First of all, I'm not an abuse survivor, but I'd like to share my experience anyway, maybe it'll be of some help to you.

I've just finished a long process - classic analysis, not transactional, however they have stuff in common.

I agree with 10 months being too early, not necessarily in the sense that you might run off and start drinking again, but more like you needing more time to get your bearings and solidify yourself in the present.

For me, diving into the past was very painful and difficult.. and you have the added challenge of being an abuse survivor. I think that it's very important to establish your "adult state" properly before looking back. When the moment to look back arrives, make a point of trying to find a few joyful memories in your personal story, doing this helps a lot.

The process does pay off. I noticed very big changes in myself as we (my therapist and I) gently explored different... moments.

Being able to trust your therapist is the most important factor. As in any relationship, trust is built by taking risks, and by beginning to show yourself as you really are. That's maybe when you learn that you're not as damaged or unlovable as you once thought

I hope this helps.. stick with it, you won't necessarily *enjoy* yourself while you're doing it, but you'll be glad you did it. A bit like reading Jane Eyre or one of those stuffy classics ;-) xo

Jeni26

Mattcake, thank you so much for sharing that. Yes, my therapist is indeed keen to work on establishing my adult state. She said until that is firmly in place, I'm too vulnerable to look back in any great detail. I need to practice new ways of looking at things and handling situations. Sometimes I think I'm doing ok, but then something comparatively minor can trigger what I call one of my 'meltdown moments'. Last weekend, I almost picked up a drink again.
I'm keen to move forward with this, and I will work hard at it under her guidance.
Yeah, I'm prepared for the difficult and painful bit, but I do live with such awful nighttime anxiety and insomnia, that staying as I am no longer seems a viable option.
As she said to me in my last session....can anything that happens to you as an adult be as bad as what happened to you then? I thought long and hard about that...but no it can't. Because today I have choices, and I have a voice.

Thanks Matt



JJamie-no I'm not worrying about confronting my abuser or reporting it to anyone at all.
I was responding to you when you shared your experience of not wanting to share aspects because of that fear of psychiatric services being contacted.
My therapist made it clear that my confidentiality would be respected, and anything I said would remain between us (unless she feared for the safety of a child, which of course is paramount and overrides anything).
I just think if those parameters are made clear before counselling starts, you might feel more trustful and secure.

Thanks guys x

JJamie

I didnt say that.

I didnt like the question "do you feel like hurting yourself" cause the treatment for that sucks and the asker of that question knew that.

I was in that state of needy anxiety ridden desperation that comes with withdrawals from there pills when I had my run ins with inpatient psychairty. Before I knew the deal of label and drug I used to wonder why they never asked "whats wrong" and listened to me explain it. I would sit in "obervation" right after freedom removal waiting to share all aspects and that chance that never came.

Jeni26

Ok, sorry I misunderstood JJamie.

I'm waiting for my book of transactional analysis to arrive, then I'm going to start researching this.

I'm keen to make progress now, rather than hide away any more.

Best wishes to you JJamie x

JJamie

Best wishes to you too Jen.