Feeling so much pain

[DefofLov]

:bemine

All this week my heart has just been aching. I feel so many emotions, sad, angry, hurt, confused, lonely, frustrated. I wish more people in my life would call me and care about me. I tried reaching out to people the other day but they just were too busy. They either told me to call them back or just didnt answer. Even my boyfriend has been too occupied for me and that is unusual. I have been locking myself away in my room. I dont want to bother anyone with my irrational emotions. I have never felt lonlier in my life. Or I think I did, but somehow I just dealt with it. Right now, I just dont know what to do. Whenever I pick up the phone to call someone I just freak out and put the phone back down. I dont know what to say. I dont want people to know how I feel right now. I feel so unimportant and uncared for by my friends, family, and boyfriend. I am overwhelmed by my schoolwork. I need to finish up school this semester so I can focus on my pain and find relief. I am so stressed out right now, I dont know what to do. I wish someone could just hold me while I cry, I just want someone to hold me. Is it too much to ask for? I just wish someone could understand. People dont understand it when I cry because they are so used to seeing me being so strong and firm. People come to me and cry but when I need someone to be here for me, no one is here. It just hurts so badly. I dont know what to do. I wish I didnt feel like this. I wish I could be stronger. I wish someone could be here for me. I feel so so sad. I am so lonely. I feel so confused. I dont know how to tell people what I am feeling. I dont know how to reach out and ask for help. I go to counseling and we are working on it but I am still so confused.

[51anna]

Hi DefofLof,

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain right now, feeling so lonely and rejected. It sounds like you're used to taking care of people and being there for them and then when you need someone, no one is there for you. Finishing up school is a very stressful time and maybe that's part of the reason it's an emotional time for you. You say you're in therapy and that's good, hopefully you can talk about some of these issues with your therapist. I would suggest that you keep reaching out for help, keep trying to find friends to talk with or whatever you need to do to help yourself feel better. When I was finishing school, I was lonely, depressed and confused. After reaching out a few times for help, which was very hard, I just stopped and somehow just decided to hide all my feelings and get by. It wasn't a good choice to make because eventually, many, many years later, I still had to face the same problems and issues. Maybe, if things don't improve, you might talk to your dr about taking an antidepressant. For some people they make a great difference.

I'm sending you big hugs and I hope that you know you are not alone. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Love, Anna

[Juls]

DefofLov,

I can relate to how you are feeling, and if I could I would be there to hold you and let you cry. I'm sorry for your pain, and makes me remember the times I also cried and cried in loneliness. The best thing I can say is these feelings do pass. I know sometimes for me I would get these feelings especially strong around my cycle. It can be helpful to journal when you have these feelings and see if there is a pattern. It may not make them lessen, but sometimes if you see a pattern in when they come it helps to deal with it because you have a little understanding of why it's happening.

I still feel sometimes like I haven't a friend in the world, but when those feelings pass I realize it isn't true at all, and I wonder why I felt that so strongly.

You have my love and hugs to get you through this difficult time.

Juls

[Justme57]

Hi there Defoflov,

I know only too well, how you are feeling , and I send you warm hugx across the ocean. I used to be ( still can be) just like you . I was viewed by friends and family, as the " strong " one, and as such, nobody bothered to enquire if I was actually strong .

As far as picking up the phone if I had a problem, nothing was further from my mind, I NEVER rang anyone , unless it was to " fix" something, or relay good news .

I dont know if this is any help for you , or not, but will pass it on , in case . When I shared with my sponser , my horror of ringing anyone , she told me to tape the serenity prayer next to the phone, and to say it out loud before I picked up the phone , and to say it again when I put it down. I did what she suggested , more out of lack of other options, than anything else , and blow me down, after a time it worked ! I really had no belief that it would change anything back then, I just did it , cos it was suggested .

Even if I havent helped , know that I know how you feel, and send HUGE HUGX

Lee

[DefofLov]

Thanx so much for you posts. I am feelin much better lately. I reached out to people after that post and realized my friends love me and care, they just dont know whatz goin on cuz I dont tell them. I am workin on reachin out and not being lonely so much. Thanx so much everyone, you have each been so helpful. Big hugz to you all

[fuster]

Defoflov:

That is a great positive result for you. Seriously. Keep that in your back pocket and pull it out when you need it (like the next time things get "painfully" familiar - know what I'm sayin'?). I have had to use some revelations of my own to help me escape or avoid getting back in the same greasy barrel that is hard to climb out of.

We often need to use things to give us a temperature reading of ourselves. Here it would mean that the next time you start to feel painful emotions similar to this episode you can use what pain feels familiar to help you pull out of it. "Pull out" would mean you pick up that two thousand pound telephone and dial your pals and bend their ear a bit. Or get out of your home and visit someone to talk, even if it is not about you (maybe they are having a bad day and you are just what they need that day).

Thanks for sharing your experience. :hamburger

[runningfree]

Glad to hear that your desperation has lessened and that friends are caring for you. It is very lonely to be all by yourself and have no one to turn to. I know. I am there. I also have no one that can "handle" my state of mind. Even the closest friends and family are either too distant or just unable to grasp it. THey shy away and leave me alone. I often want to be alone and just left alone. It is less painful then seeing them squirm.
Keep your connections going. Good luck

[DefofLov]

((((((( Thanx again for your support))))))

I have been working very hard on reaching out to others and I feel great lately. I have been enjoying the warm weather and working hard to end the semester successfully. I have let my close friends know how I feel about them not calling me much,they were very sympathetic to me. I feel so relieved after telling them. I am also ready to make new friends and have been striving to be a better person everyday. Thanx everyone for replying.

(((((hugz)))))

~Def