What am I going to do?

[lurkings]

In the last year I have dealt with 6 deaths and one more to come. I don't think I can keep doing this.

There have be two people I have considered gradfathers because I don't know my real ones. One is my moms step-dad. I was there when he died and whitnessed his last breath. Now my next door nieghbor. I feel like I am loosing these big chunks out of my heart. Dang, I don't even know my real ones and to have the only others ones that have been in my life gone? This really sucks!

[Juls]

Lurkings,

I have had to deal with that also. In the couse of a little over a year I lost a good friend, a best friend, my mother, and an elderly woman who was also a good friend. I don't really remember how I got through it. I wasn't using any drugs then, but I think I was just emotionally numb. For some reason music has always helped me to cope with things, and I remember playing alot of music that was meaningful to me. I also participated for a while in a grief group. It was pretty helpful in terms of exploring my feelings and coming to terms with the deaths of these people. Also, I was glad that I was able to be there for them when they died.

People like these in our life can never really be replaced, but new and close friendships do develop. I still miss my friends, and my mom and when I feel like that I just let the feelings come, and the tears flow.

Juls

[Lilya]

Lurkings ma puce,

This is really hard. Sometimes life is like this and difficult things just pile up. I have lost a lot of loved ones, but not in a way you describe, so close together. I laust my favorite aunt suddenly last year and a good friend and old lover hanged himself 2 weeks later because of financial problems. I do know the feeling of not being able to deal with more.

The best way is to go through each day one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. You´ll get through it and finally things will clear. Juls is right about new friendships developing. I have a saying that each time we lose someone the gap is waiting to be filled.

Use adversity

[lurkings]

I am sure I will be fine I just flipped for a minute. I should be able to handle one more. Thanks ya'll.