Overcoming fears and phobias - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

impresario · 04-27-2012, 10:46 PM

Today is a good day, a really good day. Today marks 2 months of sobriety. No smokes, no booze, no drugs, no nothing, just sobriety. Throughout these past two months I've had my moments where I've felt like relapsing, however I've had a strong and encouraging network of friends behind me, this forum included.

Yesterday morning I went to a street clinic a few cities over from where I live. I had fears and phobias about contracting HIV since 2008 and have gotten tested every year. I went in for a HIV test this morning. The test was a finger ***** rapid test which came back negative. While I was there I also had blood drawn to test for Hepatitis C and Gonorrhea. I am still awaiting the latter results.

I was utterly relieved and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders for real this time. Now I'm sober I still have to be careful whilst decision making, nevertheless I don't have to worry about ever going back to sniffing drugs ever again. Doing drugs has so many devastating consequences on ones body.

I am glad that things are happily looking upwards for me now.

MycoolFitz · 04-27-2012, 11:04 PM

good for you, I fear my phobias. Day 53 for me. Can'e sleep fear dreaming. Will listen to old rock.

Scolova · 04-27-2012, 11:07 PM

Congrats on the two months & testing clean!
My anxiety kicks in from time to time, it's an odd disorienting\vertigo feeling, but thankfully not near as bad as during my drinking days and first few weeks & months of sobriety. Best wishes.

MycoolFitz · 04-27-2012, 11:17 PM

Yes afraid to sleep tonight but Listening to Jimmy Dale Gilroy. All good

Threshold · 04-28-2012, 08:24 AM

I relate to all of the above.

When using I was up to some dangerous behavior. I ended up fearing all sorts of stuff I used to think I would NEVER have to deal with. When I don't use, all those issues fall away. Don't have to worry about contracting hep, AIDs, Herpes, cirrohsis, etc etc.

I live my life in fear as it is, if I can at least eliminate a bunch of stress by staying clean...kudos for me!

Fitz, I had a real long stretch (and still incidents) of being afraid to sleep. Gratitude list, lights out, head on pillow, thinking of everything I am grateful for, really helped. Put me in a more peaceful state of mind I guess.

A big bugaboo of mine is thinking/hoping/wishing/praying that I am further along in my recovery than I am. And pretending I am so, acting "as if" and hoping that if I act it, it'll be reality.

I can be real honest about some things, then totally dishonest about where I really am...then I get to where the act ends and the truth begins.

I wanna BE where my words can go. I mean, I KNOW how to say the right things...I KNOW where I one day want to be, hope to feel. but I am where I am.It's as if I'm in ballet 101, and I can go to a performance and marvel at the dancers, and hope to one day be there, and read every book...but I still am not there yet...but I go on stage and fall on my face.

I'm still using some lately. I don't say that in every post...because it's tiresome, but I don't want to come off as if just because I seem to sometimes say the right thing, that I think it's easy...because I don't. Because I am NOT where I want to be, hope to be, pray to be.

I know that when I don't use, my life is immeasurably easier, and I increase my likelihood of reaching a place where I don't feel the need to use. But there are way to many instances where I still say, "ah, F it" but also more and more instances where I say "it's not worth it" and refrain from further self destruction.

Zencat · 04-30-2012, 10:11 AM

I'm encouraged when I push past my fears to do the things that are important or entertaining or challenging to reach further past the fears that would hold me back from having a fulfilled life.

NYCDoglvr · 05-01-2012, 10:17 AM

Good for you! When we put down addictive substances we develop a lot of tools that help us stay sober. We can control our actions and not take the risks we made while drinking. You're doing terrific!

When I got sober I was full of fears and anxiety. My sponsor said FEAR is "false evidence appearing real." After a while I saw that fear is based on projecting something in the future and also noticed I'd be a terrible fortune teller. I was always wrong. So over time I stopped projecting, learned to reel my thoughts into today. Freedom! It's a process but it's astonishing what we can change.

fragileflower · 05-01-2012, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr

When I got sober I was full of fears and anxiety. My sponsor said FEAR is "false evidence appearing real." After a while I saw that fear is based on projecting something in the future and also noticed I'd be a terrible fortune teller. I was always wrong. So over time I stopped projecting, learned to reel my thoughts into today. Freedom! It's a process but it's astonishing what we can change.

Yep. I heard that too. I've also heard FEAR= F*** Everything And Run
or
Face Everything and Recover

04-27-2012, 10:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
impresario Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 11	Overcoming fears and phobias Today is a good day, a really good day. Today marks 2 months of sobriety. No smokes, no booze, no drugs, no nothing, just sobriety. Throughout these past two months I've had my moments where I've felt like relapsing, however I've had a strong and encouraging network of friends behind me, this forum included. Yesterday morning I went to a street clinic a few cities over from where I live. I had fears and phobias about contracting HIV since 2008 and have gotten tested every year. I went in for a HIV test this morning. The test was a finger ***** rapid test which came back negative. While I was there I also had blood drawn to test for Hepatitis C and Gonorrhea. I am still awaiting the latter results. I was utterly relieved and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders for real this time. Now I'm sober I still have to be careful whilst decision making, nevertheless I don't have to worry about ever going back to sniffing drugs ever again. Doing drugs has so many devastating consequences on ones body. I am glad that things are happily looking upwards for me now.

04-27-2012, 11:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
MycoolFitz Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Here, Now Posts: 4,271	good for you, I fear my phobias. Day 53 for me. Can'e sleep fear dreaming. Will listen to old rock. __________________ What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly ~ Lao Tsu

04-27-2012, 11:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
Scolova dude in recovery Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Gulf Coast, TX Posts: 1,506 Blog Entries: 2	Congrats on the two months & testing clean! My anxiety kicks in from time to time, it's an odd disorienting\vertigo feeling, but thankfully not near as bad as during my drinking days and first few weeks & months of sobriety. Best wishes. __________________ ScotA "I've never seen anyone drink themselves smart, successful or happy. Most end up broke, bitter and alone. <anonymous>

04-27-2012, 11:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
MycoolFitz Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Here, Now Posts: 4,271	Yes afraid to sleep tonight but Listening to Jimmy Dale Gilroy. All good __________________ What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly ~ Lao Tsu

04-30-2012, 10:11 AM	#6 (permalink)
Zencat Atheist Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA. Posts: 7,269 Blog Entries: 10	I'm encouraged when I push past my fears to do the things that are important or entertaining or challenging to reach further past the fears that would hold me back from having a fulfilled life. __________________ Thank You

04-28-2012, 08:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
Threshold Grateful but still smarting Join Date: May 2009 Location: Arizona Posts: 2,234 Blog Entries: 24	I relate to all of the above. When using I was up to some dangerous behavior. I ended up fearing all sorts of stuff I used to think I would NEVER have to deal with. When I don't use, all those issues fall away. Don't have to worry about contracting hep, AIDs, Herpes, cirrohsis, etc etc. I live my life in fear as it is, if I can at least eliminate a bunch of stress by staying clean...kudos for me! Fitz, I had a real long stretch (and still incidents) of being afraid to sleep. Gratitude list, lights out, head on pillow, thinking of everything I am grateful for, really helped. Put me in a more peaceful state of mind I guess. A big bugaboo of mine is thinking/hoping/wishing/praying that I am further along in my recovery than I am. And pretending I am so, acting "as if" and hoping that if I act it, it'll be reality. I can be real honest about some things, then totally dishonest about where I really am...then I get to where the act ends and the truth begins. I wanna BE where my words can go. I mean, I KNOW how to say the right things...I KNOW where I one day want to be, hope to feel. but I am where I am.It's as if I'm in ballet 101, and I can go to a performance and marvel at the dancers, and hope to one day be there, and read every book...but I still am not there yet...but I go on stage and fall on my face. I'm still using some lately. I don't say that in every post...because it's tiresome, but I don't want to come off as if just because I seem to sometimes say the right thing, that I think it's easy...because I don't. Because I am NOT where I want to be, hope to be, pray to be. I know that when I don't use, my life is immeasurably easier, and I increase my likelihood of reaching a place where I don't feel the need to use. But there are way to many instances where I still say, "ah, F it" but also more and more instances where I say "it's not worth it" and refrain from further self destruction.

05-01-2012, 10:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
NYCDoglvr Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: New York, NY Posts: 2,541	Good for you! When we put down addictive substances we develop a lot of tools that help us stay sober. We can control our actions and not take the risks we made while drinking. You're doing terrific! When I got sober I was full of fears and anxiety. My sponsor said FEAR is "false evidence appearing real." After a while I saw that fear is based on projecting something in the future and also noticed I'd be a terrible fortune teller. I was always wrong. So over time I stopped projecting, learned to reel my thoughts into today. Freedom! It's a process but it's astonishing what we can change.

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