psychosis - how do you accept, & let go?

[Robert1]

I get recurring episodes of extreme anger, infact so much so that anything within striking range gets destroyed, or destroys me (ie. wooden front door & my fist, etc)..

strangely its only triggered over small things, things that i shouldnt get wrong but somehow **** up.. eg. bedsheets getting tangled up in my feet, spilt drinks, dumbass drivers on the road, etc...

At the moment i am mostly able to control it with other people, but i have gotten in serious fights before if people nearby witness my episode and have something to say, it ends very brutally... i have lost alot of friends as a consequence of me being a retard overreactor psychopath..

i know im being a retard, but its not me when im so angry, i have lost control in this state..

what are some strategies that help you to just LET GO?

wtf am i supposed to do......

[Threshold]

Hi Robert,

I don't know you or your details, so forgive if what I say doesn't apply.

I too experience rage over seemingly insignificant things. It seems bizarre, but I think I am beginning to realize why I do so.

As a kid anger was not allowed. If I felt anger towards my parents for some rule or action that I didn't agree with, and they suspected it, saw it in my face or if I shut a door too hard etc, I'd get yelled at and beaten for it. The whole "Dont' you look at me that way." etc etc

I was not allowed to express anger for appropriate things. Had to swallow it all up, was shamed, berated and told I was horrible, ungrateful etc. Also, in the faith I was raised in, feeling anger was a no no. So...I got where I swallowed it all up, until I could not and would take it all out when some little thing happened, on something that could not respond.

Or on myself.

Anger is a huge issue for many people, and can be addressed with therapy and support groups, to learn how to deal when the anger erupts as rage, and to help us work through the junk underneath, an infection if you will, so that we don't fly into crazy rages.

These are very effective options.

As to how to deal in the moment. Slow breathing, take a slow deep breath, hold it for a count of three, then slowly exhale over a count of three.
Doing this a few times can often defuse me from getting a dangerous rage worked up.

I put on loud angry music and sing along. Sometimes on my break at work I go sit in my car and blast Nine Inch Nails. I go back in and am less likely to get stupid that afternoon.

I talk it all out with something in my home (my Spider-man doll for instance) or my goldfish, or I blog or journal. Then I can "hear" my feelings, my thought process over it, etc. And sometimes I get a much clearer picture into why I am angry. And that helps me the next time a rage starts cooking.

Why do I go off in a crazy rage when my computer freezes? Because I feel cut off from my contacts (the way I was isolated as a child from friends because of my family's desire to hide our insanity, we were encourages to NOT have friends) or I worry that I might need a costly repair, when I was a kid money was considered the most important thing, I was blamed whenever I cost money or asked for something that cost money. When I realize that I am NO LONGER in those situations, I no longer have to defend myself against them, I can let the little thing now go. I can remind myself that the a-hole driver is some person having a bad day and not worry about them. I can remind myself that there's no reason to let someone else's stupid or some glitch in life rob me of my day, freedom, or sanity. It helps me.

I mean, there ARE reasons I feel such rage. I am not raging just because I am crazy.

Rage gets certain chemicals rushing through our bodies and we can get "hooked" on that rush. A rage tells our bodies that we are threatened, and our whole self gears up towards defending ourselves. At that point we are either going to have to act out, to defuse the chemical rush, or do something to get the chemicals of calm running through us.

Many people envision a "happy place" that they go to in their mind when the crazies start crowing.

I truly suggest that you look into anger/rage management. You can do it with the help of a professional, in a support group, or on your own with various self help programs. There are 12 step programs for anger issues too.

This is a very common thing and lots of help is available, and it is also a very treatable condition.

[NYCDoglvr]

You really should go to a psychiatrist because your rage sounds very extreme. I was often angry (a fraction of your rage) which went away when anti-depressant medication kicked it. Why suffer when a doctor may be able to affect it?