Need to get my mind off my mom... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2stop · 12-17-2003, 05:06 PM

Wrapped a present for my mom, wrapped it really pretty with her favorite things dangling from the big gold bow and ribbon. Every time I look at it I tear up. My daughter wants her to come over Christmas Eve, I do to, yet I don't. It;s so hard this time of year....I just want my mom. The other day was at the store saw her car in the parking lot. Went in the store, smesed her in there..but did not see her. My dad was with me ..he said she said something rude to him and was hiding in the aisles from me! I don't know..I have to grieve her granted, But she is here, my daughter loves her....I am just sad tonight, not really depressed, though I can feel it slowly creeping up on me. Just thought I'd share what's on my mind, kinda take the heaviness from my heart. Thanks for listening. Love you guys.....

ksos · 12-18-2003, 06:17 AM

Tammie...

Are your parents separated?

Annarose · 12-18-2003, 06:27 AM

Not sure of the situation, but I do hope things works out.....

2stop · 12-18-2003, 06:47 AM

Yes my parents are divorced. I knew better than to move my mom up here but you always think they have changed. I asked for this I'll have to deal. I just have always felt I had to save her, and I know full well I can't, but she IS sick, she just doesn't think so, so I can only let go and let God..It just hurts so bad that's all. I wanted her over at the holidays, but I must stop wishing for what cannot be an dbe happy with what is, I know that is the only way to having peace. Thanks for listening.

**hugs**

ksos · 12-18-2003, 07:29 AM

Parents are such problems, sometimes. I think that if they are both with you, you can just rejoice in your new home, your kids, your husband, and your recovery. It sort of is easy for me to say, since I don't even talk to my parents, but you shouldn't let them ruin this special day for you. Maybe if you talked to each one separately about your feelings? After all, you deserve a peaceful day.

2stop · 12-18-2003, 07:33 AM

You're right ksos, but ol brains me...just HAD to move my mother up here...I should of had a clue the few months before she asked she kept talking about her will, and how she neded me to help her with it, AND she had no one, my brother was drinkinmg and drugging heavy making her miserable......she knew I would "rescue her" My parents always tried to keep me afraid of their death, suicide attempts, running away...needing a parent more than I did I guess, it is just really hard for me to realize in my heart that I don't have to save them, my head KNOWS this!! LOL...I'll get it, one day. thanks for the reply ksos. **hugs**

Mamabear · 12-18-2003, 10:39 AM

I know what you mean, 2stop.
Geez, I would have thought being in my 40's would have eased my fear of my parents dying. I've come to think this tension is just something most of us live with. I hope you find peace in the holiday.
love ya,
Mamabear
p.s. Not sure if this helps.....we have what we cal "family by choice." These are people who we have chosen to trust as family. That concept has comforted me many a day when things have been tense.

2stop · 12-18-2003, 10:47 AM

Oh yes Mamabear that does comfort me and has worked many times..."choosing" my family.I am just kicking my a** for puting myself in this situation in the first place, ya know? Well, there;s a lesson in it for me, will learn it, or keep living with the pain of it.

Hope you have A Happy and Blessed Holiday......

:merry

Juls · 12-18-2003, 02:04 PM

Don't kick yourself Tammi, you were following your heart. You love your mom, and you wanted to do the right thing. You can't control her and your not responsible for her behavior.

Juls

Mamabear · 12-18-2003, 06:31 PM

And maybe she'll surprise you. Try to have no expectations. Who knows what can happen.
(((love)))
Mamabear

2stop · 12-19-2003, 06:56 AM

That's the whole thing right there...have NO expectations! Just might work!

Lilya · 12-19-2003, 03:35 PM

Tammie, ma belle,

Buy a candle, light it as often as you can and ask your Higher Power to make her happy.

Pray for her. It works.

Quote:

Use adversity

2stop · 12-19-2003, 04:05 PM

That's a great idea, because I go about it backwards "HP help ME help her be happy.......Just a switcheraoo...and it may work! LOL....It has to be HP help her, I will help myself....okay I am learning, maybe I am emotionally dyslexic!!!

Thanks! I am lighting a candle right now, vanilla scented. Any scents better than others...I love sage and lavender together, I bought some Wyoming sage and an Indian medicine bag last summer at an Indian powwow held here each year. I carry it arouns with me when I remember, it is supposed to help with good vibes, healing etc....I'd like to add some stones to it. I can't remeber what each stone represents, but I know I love Amethyst, and tanzanite....okay, I am getting off topic, my mind is all over the place tonight...forgive me!

12-17-2003, 05:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Need to get my mind off my mom... Wrapped a present for my mom, wrapped it really pretty with her favorite things dangling from the big gold bow and ribbon. Every time I look at it I tear up. My daughter wants her to come over Christmas Eve, I do to, yet I don't. It;s so hard this time of year....I just want my mom. The other day was at the store saw her car in the parking lot. Went in the store, smesed her in there..but did not see her. My dad was with me ..he said she said something rude to him and was hiding in the aisles from me! I don't know..I have to grieve her granted, But she is here, my daughter loves her....I am just sad tonight, not really depressed, though I can feel it slowly creeping up on me. Just thought I'd share what's on my mind, kinda take the heaviness from my heart. Thanks for listening. Love you guys..... __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

12-18-2003, 06:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
ksos Waiting For Engines Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 545	Tammie... Are your parents separated? __________________ Ksos "If Enough people Call You A Duck, You Better Start Quacking."

12-18-2003, 06:47 AM	#4 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Yes my parents are divorced. I knew better than to move my mom up here but you always think they have changed. I asked for this I'll have to deal. I just have always felt I had to save her, and I know full well I can't, but she IS sick, she just doesn't think so, so I can only let go and let God..It just hurts so bad that's all. I wanted her over at the holidays, but I must stop wishing for what cannot be an dbe happy with what is, I know that is the only way to having peace. Thanks for listening. hugs __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

12-18-2003, 07:29 AM	#5 (permalink)
ksos Waiting For Engines Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 545	Parents are such problems, sometimes. I think that if they are both with you, you can just rejoice in your new home, your kids, your husband, and your recovery. It sort of is easy for me to say, since I don't even talk to my parents, but you shouldn't let them ruin this special day for you. Maybe if you talked to each one separately about your feelings? After all, you deserve a peaceful day. __________________ Ksos "If Enough people Call You A Duck, You Better Start Quacking."

12-18-2003, 07:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	You're right ksos, but ol brains me...just HAD to move my mother up here...I should of had a clue the few months before she asked she kept talking about her will, and how she neded me to help her with it, AND she had no one, my brother was drinkinmg and drugging heavy making her miserable......she knew I would "rescue her" My parents always tried to keep me afraid of their death, suicide attempts, running away...needing a parent more than I did I guess, it is just really hard for me to realize in my heart that I don't have to save them, my head KNOWS this!! LOL...I'll get it, one day. thanks for the reply ksos. hugs __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

12-18-2003, 06:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
Annarose Paused Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: santa cruz, ca Posts: 13	Not sure of the situation, but I do hope things works out.....

12-18-2003, 10:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 231	I know what you mean, 2stop. Geez, I would have thought being in my 40's would have eased my fear of my parents dying. I've come to think this tension is just something most of us live with. I hope you find peace in the holiday. love ya, Mamabear p.s. Not sure if this helps.....we have what we cal "family by choice." These are people who we have chosen to trust as family. That concept has comforted me many a day when things have been tense. __________________ Mamabear

12-18-2003, 10:47 AM	#8 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Oh yes Mamabear that does comfort me and has worked many times..."choosing" my family.I am just kicking my a** for puting myself in this situation in the first place, ya know? Well, there;s a lesson in it for me, will learn it, or keep living with the pain of it. Hope you have A Happy and Blessed Holiday...... :merry __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

12-18-2003, 02:04 PM	#9 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,095	Don't kick yourself Tammi, you were following your heart. You love your mom, and you wanted to do the right thing. You can't control her and your not responsible for her behavior. Juls __________________ Think World Peace

12-18-2003, 06:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 231	And maybe she'll surprise you. Try to have no expectations. Who knows what can happen. (((love))) Mamabear __________________ Mamabear

12-19-2003, 06:56 AM	#11 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	That's the whole thing right there...have NO expectations! Just might work! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

12-19-2003, 04:05 PM	#13 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	That's a great idea, because I go about it backwards "HP help ME help her be happy.......Just a switcheraoo...and it may work! LOL....It has to be HP help her, I will help myself....okay I am learning, maybe I am emotionally dyslexic!!! Thanks! I am lighting a candle right now, vanilla scented. Any scents better than others...I love sage and lavender together, I bought some Wyoming sage and an Indian medicine bag last summer at an Indian powwow held here each year. I carry it arouns with me when I remember, it is supposed to help with good vibes, healing etc....I'd like to add some stones to it. I can't remeber what each stone represents, but I know I love Amethyst, and tanzanite....okay, I am getting off topic, my mind is all over the place tonight...forgive me! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

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