I've come to the end....

[Juls]

The end of what, I'm not sure. But I've been having that feeling the past few days. I have gotten in somewhat of a rut with my job and my life. Or maybe too much of a routine, and I need to bring some more creative things into my life.

For the first several months since I started my job alot of my energy was taken up just being excited about my job, then my new house. Now that I'm all settled in everywhere I feel like something is lacking.

Does that mean I can't be satisfied with a simple life? I don't know. I just know that I'm always looking for the next challenge, and that I don't like my life to be too much of the same routine day in and day out.

There was a woman, Barbara Sher, on the Public TV channel the other day talking about how to do what you love, and if you don't know what it is, how to find out. Has anyone else heard of her? It started me thinking about what is next in my life. So...., I am open to suggestions and feedback. Maybe a yoga class would be good, I sure could use the stretching, LOL

Juls

[Lilya]

Juls,

I know this feeling all too well. I welcome it and embrace it. It means a new phase is opening up for you.

I have come to accept that I will always be restless, but my restlessness is part of me and a part of this disease, anti-depressives or not. I´m ab out to embark on a travel on Friday, the laser, and I think it will be an adventure what comes of it. It´s like one of my travels.

I might postpone Cuba for a while and maybe go to China instead. A friend of mine wants to go and then we are a few writer friends who dream of renting a house in Tangier in Marocco. Those are great possibilities.

I think yoga is great for you, but I would also consider saving up for an adventure trip. I don´t know where you want to go, but the planning and deciding is what makes life so great. And then leaving and coming back with so many memories.

Last year I went to Thailand and travelled all over the country. I will live on that trip all my life. The tigers I caressed, the temples I visited, the beaches with the jungles, the boat trips and sailings on jungle rivers, the floating markets, going to the islands near Thailand, elephant rides... unbelievable.

Thin about it!

Use adversity

[2stop]

I understand this kind of restlessness too...and travwl seems to be the only "fix" One day I will take exotic trps but for now I just look around my community for new things, old things, oddities...I like unusual things. Maybe doing some art or writing would help you? Really throw yourself into it. I can get into the "zone" when i write sometimes(of course there are those looong frozen spells too) LOL!! I will think of some more things that might interest you. I must say..your title of your post scared the crap outta me!!! I thought Oh No! She's suicidal......what to do? Bless ya. Had me sweating and holding my breath a minute there, LOL

^^^^^^HUGS^^^^^

[Juls]

Tammi,

I'm sorry to have scared you with that title.

I have always had this kind of restlessness. As soon as I accomplish one thing, I'm looking for something new to start. The idea of travel is very appealing, and I'd love to go to Tangiers. It was great when I lived in Mexico for several months.

I do embrace this feeling, but I sometimes wonder if it means there's something lacking within me that I'm always looking for a new adventure.

Juls

[dotcom]

hi there juls

i am young, and still trying to find my niche...but i believe i can relate. i started a new job in july on top of my other one. at first, i was so thrilled. i was going to get out there and get them organized. well, they are all organized now, and i find myself drifting in and out of consiousness when im sitting at my desk.

then i thought..."dotcom, a vacation is what you need!". so ive been putting aside some dinero for the past year, and i now have enough to go. well, i am excited about it definately...but the thrill has passed...and all thats left is a handful of cash and a calendar waiting for me to pick a date...thats just too easy though.

so i dont know anymore. ive gotten back into school and just took my final this evening. im sure ive got an a. once again, the thrill is gone. who cares about the a? now ive got to wait a month to take on the next class and get that thrill again.

but you know, even though my life is getting more dull, i am more satisfied then i have ever been. probably because of my relationship with God, my HP. no matter what i do itll never fill the void that he does. but yeah, i dont know what the next step to take is. ive already signed up for new classes and stuff.

i am sorry to ramble, your post really made me think.

dotcom

[ksos]

In my opinion, I think that sometimes we all feel a bit let down after an initial flurry of events. Right now, I'm crashing this week from my job which has really been intense--I had two audits that went extremely well--but I sort of feel like I need something else right now--to get me back up to that level of hyper-alertness. I took the week off, it was my first week long vacation in nearly a year, and I'm sort of just typing away on my computer and sleeping, LOL!

You guys are so adventurous I need to get over my fear of flying so that I can go away someplace. I dream of the places that you all mention, but have never left the US, except for Canada and Mexico. I'm sort of ashamed of my fear, but whenever I read Lilya's planned trips or where she has been, I get a bit of Hemmingway in me--which still doesn't allow me onto an airplane.

Anyway, Juls, what's wrong with always looking for adventure? I think that's the pioneering spirit of the human being. It's in our nature.

[Juls]

I think it's a creative thing too. I really need to be doing something that stimulates my mind. I know what you mean dotcom about getting that next A. However, I also want to be satisfied with what I have. I mean, right now I have pretty much everything that I've asked for in life. I have struggle sometimes, but my life is definitely the most stable it has been in awhile.

This morning I am up at 6 am which is not usual for me. LOL I am not normally not a morning person, but since I have a need to be doing something different, when I woke up I decided to get up and do something for myself. So as soon as it gets light out I am going to go out for a walk to the coffee house. LOL, and have a cappuccino.

Every day I want to try to bring something different into my life that is just for me. At my job, and at home, I mostly an doing things for others and taking care of others.

Ksos, I have always had fears of flying and traveling but I make myself do it anyway because I don't want to sell myself short because of my fears. I have always enjoyed my travels, which haven't been many, but they have really added to the dimemsion of my life.

Juls

[Mamabear]

Hi Juls,

I get particularly antsy in the winter months and need something new. Does cooking exotic dishes do it for you? I love to try new foods. How about making a new friend? A new relationship sometimes gives me an added zip. Had lunch w/ a woman I want to get to know better yesterday and it was really lovely.
If I had the bucks, I'd go with Lilya's traveling but since it's not possible right now, I'll try to enrich my life right here and now.
((((love)))))
Mamabear

[Juls]

Thanks Mamabear,

I actually did do a social thing today, and I felt so awkward the whole time, it was pathetic. The woman that used to live in the house we bought has a daughter a couple of years younger than mine. We've gotten together a couple of times before for the girls to play, and we had a play date with dinner at her house this evening, then took the girls for story hour at a local bookstore.

Believe me, this is a big deal for me. It is so hard for me to interact with others in a social setting. Tomorrow is a real challenge. There is a gathering at the house of the man that owns the business where I work. He is not my boss per se in that I am an independent contractor, but still it's his business. His wife is hosting it, and I will have to be sociable for at least an hour or more. I'm having an anxiety attack about it.

Juls

[ksos]

Juls...

I have such a hard time with these interactions, like play dates. I'm so glad that my daughter is a bit older so I can now leave her at her friend's home or vice versa for the other parents. It is so strained to talk to other people, although I know why it is for me.

Play dates are really stressfull. I remember one a few years back that made me want jump out of my skin because the parents were so, so, so boooooring! Also, the friends are our kids, not us, so we need to put up with it.

With the social/business engagement, put it into perspective that it will be just an hour. Can you go with a guest? I would tell you to bring a book, but that would be sort of rude, although I bet you would love to do that!!!

Just breath deeply, know that you can escape pretty soon, and imagine everyone in the room hating the event as much as you do It's probably true.

[Lilya]

Hello,

I also know the feeling, because sometimes I have to take my five year old niece to her friends and meet the parents. I dread it. What I do is I set a date in my mind. I look at my watch and tell myself that in exactly i hours, 2 hours, whatever, I´m out of there. It´s like going to the dentist. When I leave, I feel good however, because my niece had such a lovely time. Sometimes I don´t even bother to speak to the most boring parents. I tak a book with me and tell them I have to read for an important business meeting. My Dad tought me that. He used to read manuals at social functions he hated.

How about a new exercise program? New candles and aromatherapy? And a new movie.

I believe your subconscience is just working. If you let go and stay bored for a few days, you will wake up one morning and think: "I have to go to Egypte or whatever." Your subconscience has decided what it is you need. Trust the process.

Use adversity

[Mamabear]

Juls,

I find social situations rough, too. What helps me most is asking others questions about themselves. Once someone else gets talking, I feel somewhat better. I must admit, just envisioning myself in a party type gathering with new folks robs me of my confidence in no time. Though others may perceive me as having a good time, my neck is as hard as a rock with tension. I try to tell myself to chill but that doesn't work. What does work is when I truly start to enjoy the opther people. Then I begin to enjoy myself.
~good luck tomorrow,
love,
Mamabear

[Juls]

Well, the deal tonight is with the people I work with. This probably sounds awful, but I'm taking my daughter for my security blanket. It's a cookie exchange party, so she'll have a good time, and then I can kind of focus on her without seeming weird by not interacting too much.

I don't know why it has to be such an ordeal. I mean, there are people who really enjoy this kind of thing. How did it come to me to dread it.

The hardest for me is interacting with the guys wife. She's a really nice woman, but I feel so awkward and intimated talking to her, and I know she likes me too. I feel all this pressure to sound witty and intelligent, which I am actually, but then it's like having performance anxiety cause when I feel I have to do it I can't.

Oh well, it is only for a couple of hours, and I will survive.

My other ordeal today was doing a Brazilian for the first time. For those who don't know I am an esthetician and do facials, waxing, body treatments, etc. I was trained for this in school, but in 8 years this is the first time I've had a client to request it. I was so nervous, but I did it. She must have been satisfied because she wants to come back in a few weeks to do it again. LOL

Juls

[Chy]

Hi Juls.. jumping in late here.. but I to am ready for the next phase. I love teaching but the constant politics of the job, the lack of support from parents, and the irresponsibility of the Seniors I've been getting ready for life has played out it's course. I shiver to think some of these kid's will have the responsibility of running the country some day. I know there are great hopes still for many, I guess, I just took on a new course that dealt with the misfits, as they have alway's held a special place in my heart... but the apathy about their education and selves is more than I can take some day's. So what is my next phase to be.. I'd like to go onto a Junior college but the benefits are not near what I can get now. I know there will have to be some give and take if I want to be happy in my next venture and I'm all to willing. Then again.. is there something else for me where I can feel again that I'm making a difference. So I'm going to look up that lady and see what I can find about seeking out the next path of life.

BTW... a Brazilian!! I've alway's wanted to go for one but have been to chicken, it's good to know the ladies who do the waxing are just as nervous. I've been having a heck of a time to find another lady to do my waxing and as my dear girl I had been going to ... well made a life change and left town.. I was with her for 5 years and it's hard to find someone all over again once you have a bond with someone you can trust to do a good job and take care of you. I'm sure your clients are very lucky to have you!

[Juls]

Chy,

I think teachers are one of the most under appreciated groups. I admire them so much. These are the people that are helping to prepare are children for life, and they are overworked and underpaid. I try to help out as much as I can with my daughters class and other school functions.

If you have Public TV in your area then you can probably see one of her seminars. Do a web search and you'll get her website.

The Brazilian went o.k. I did a good job, and she was happy with the result. The next time I won't be so nervous about it. I'll tell you though, the first time it hurts. Take some tylenol or motrin if you decide to try it. It's great if you like to wear minimal types of bathing suits.

Let me know what you come up with for your next plan on what to do with your life. I have just made a few small changes and even that feels good. Like getting up earlier so I can have some time to myself, and I'm going to look for a yoga class to take. Next year I'd definitely like to do some traveling. It doesn't even have to be out of the country, because there are alot of beautiful places to go here in the U.S.

Juls

[Chy]

Thank you for that Juls.. ya know I didn't even consider those little changes we can make.. I too have been getting up earlier to have that "me" time.. go to the gym, have my diet-coke and read the new's online. So yea.. can't forget about those baby steps toward happiness as well.

I was an army brat and got to travel quite a bit.. now that I'm a married old lady, kid's come along, get settled in our way's I haven't been able to do much except my yearly Vegas trip and summer vacation... oh but there I go again.. be grateful for being able to do that right? I lived in Germany most of my teen years and would give anything to go back... I will some day soon I hope. Thanks again for the pep talk!!

.... oh Lord, won't worry about that Brazilian wax.. no way gonna get me in a skimpy bikini... think Michelan Man! *LOL*

[dotcom]

hi chy

just wanted to let you know that even though it seems like us seniors (c/o 02) dont appreciate you, we do!!! i hated my teacher with a passion...now this year im sending them christmas cards thanking them for all the help they gave me! im sure youve made a difference in some students life...and even if they dont show it, they are forever in debt to you! take care

dotcom