Hi

[Carmen]

I have been very depressed lately. I am already on anti-depressant medication, but still depressed. I have not gone in to work this week, and have told them I am sick. I do feel sick, but I think it's just from being depressed and having too much anxiety to leave my house.

When I feel like this I don't even care about trying to do anything to make myself better. I have an appt with the Psych doc on the 23rd, but I don't want to change medications. It was hard enough getting used to this one. I've been on it for awhile too, and I know that meds can stop working. It helps for sleep though, and I need that. When I started on meds I had been through a bad breakdown and didn't sleep for six weeks. The one they have me on is very helpful for that, and I would be afraid if they changed it that I would go through that sleeplessnes again. Also, I have problems in my marriage, which doesn't help.

Thanks for listening

Carmen

[lurkings]

~Carmen,
I have never been on an anti-depressant, although many people thought I should. But I do know that change can be scary. I had the same style in my bedroom since I was about 3, I just changed it this year and I am 21. I did it kicking and screaming and I hated every minutes of it because I was so comfortable with the way it was. Now after 90% of it is over I love it. It made things a lot better believe it or not! I know that sounds like a petty thing but for someone who doesn't like change as much as I do it can be monumental. You should always start researching different anti-depressants now so you can talk to your doctor about them. Ask people who have taken them before so you can see what their reaction was. It won't hurt to ask questions.

I once went for two months without much sleep and I still don't know how I did it.

It might be a suggestion to talk to someone about your marriage who is objective, just a thought.

If you need anything everyone here on this sight likes to listen. Some have been through similar situations I am sure and it wouldn't hurt to talk to them. Or you can pm or e-mail me for an ear!

Good luck girl and make sure you keep in touch!

[ksos]

Originally posted by Carmen
[B]I have an appt with the Psych doc on the 23rd, but I don't want to change medications. It was hard enough getting used to this one. I've been on it for awhile too, and I know that meds can stop working. It helps for sleep though, and I need that. When I started on meds I had been through a bad breakdown and didn't sleep for six weeks. The one they have me on is very helpful for that, and I would be afraid if they changed it that I would go through that sleeplessnes again. Also, I have problems in my marriage, which doesn't help.

Hi Carmen...

There are so many medications avaliable for depression and the important thing to remember is that some work for others while others don't work for some. In other words, your psychiatrist will need to know what is good about the medicine you are on and what is not helping.

I've been on 12 different types of anti-depressants. After time, I am now stable on the one that helps keep my mood in check and is safe for me. It may not be right for you, however.

The only thing that anyone who has taken these medications can offer is to seek the attention of your MD, which you are doing. However, and I'm sure that some may have said this to you, medicine doesn't cure depression. It helps. You need to take an active role in your mental health and be your own advocate.

Good Luck and Welcome to Sober Recovery!

[LJessL]

Good Morning:

Depression can be so exhausting in and of itself. I recently switched meds myself. While taking Paxil for 6 years helped me alot it caused weight gain for me. I switched to Lexapro which did nothing and now am taking Effexor. I'm just starting to feel better with 150 mg. of Effexor nightly. I am not as calm as when I was on Paxil, but still feeling alright. My system went through hell coming off Paxil and getting started on something else that would work. I've had a few days in bed, etc. Now with the Holidaze here, I'm just trying to get through all that. But, mainly I just wanted to say I feel for you. Depression is not an easy illness.

Laurie

[ksos]

Effexor 150 XL is what I'm taking, Laurie. I remember you posting about beginning this medication and I'm glad that you are starting to finally get some relief.

I have been on this medicine for a couple of years, now. I never have had to have it raised from this dosage, although I know someone who takes twice as much and feels fine.

[LJessL]

Ksos:

Do you feel generally calm on the Effexor? Are you less sensitive?

Laurie

[ksos]

Originally posted by LJessL
Ksos:

Do you feel generally calm on the Effexor? Are you less sensitive?

Laurie

I think that Effexor has helped mainly with my mood and it would be difficult to tell you about the calming effects, since I also take Depakote. Yes, I am less sensitive, if you are referring to what people may say to me, to provoke me, or my anger reactions. I also am calmer, but I have to attribute that to the Depakote, as it is a mood stabilizer.

I notice that Effexor does help me sleep very well, Laurie. This is the one thing I am sure of.

The true test would be if I were only on Effexor and not the other medicine, but for my condition, which is Bipolar Disorder, it would be impossible for me to do this without medical supervision.

[Lilya]

Hello Carmen,

Welcome to this board. You will find warmth and support here and you have already taken important steps towards recovery: Making appointment with your doctor and come out of isolation to contact us. I have little to add to the excellent advice on changing medication, but I hope you´ll get stable on meds and start to feel better soon.

I know too well how it feels when the depression is so black, one doesn´t want to bother anymore. Winston Churchill called it the Black Dog, Mike Wallace the Black Hole (if I remember right). I favour the Black Fog. At least that´s how it feels to me, but I find it best to take reasonable action and let it pass.

Best of luck,

Use adversity

[Carmen]

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. It's so hard for me to reach out and talk about this. I feel so, less than, suffering from depression and anxiety. Like, if I were a better person I wouldn't be like this. I know that's stupid to think like that.

I went in to work today so that's good. I don't really get along with my office manager, and I'm sure she'd like to fire me. I have to interact with alot of different people at work, and have to be very up and outgoing, and it's really difficult for me when I get like this. Plus, I just don't want to leave my house.

It's nice to know people care, thank you.

Carmen

[ksos]

Depression can paralyze one, in a sense. I know, and I'm sure Lilya and others can attest to how debilitating this can be to one's life, Carmen.

In the mid 90s, I was actually homebound for approximately 6 months and couldn't even leave my home to walk my dogs up and down the street. I was misdiagnosed with Panic Disorder, but the medicine I was eventually prescribed did allow me to finally get out of the house and back to my day to day routine. As I said before, I have both the depression and the mania associated with mood disorders, but the depression piece is a real pain.

By the way, you are no less of a person for having depression and anxiety. You are not stupid to feel that way since many folks think like that. I have Diabetes as well. I don't think that I'm lesser than anyone else for this condition, either.

I've said this before to many people. Don't beat up on yourself. There are plenty of others who will do that for you. You've made a good move to post here. Good Luck and God Bless.

[Carmen]

Ksos,

you said you were misdaignosed with panic disorder. What was the matter with you? Why couldn't you leave your house? Mr Dr. says it is rare that I don't suffer from panic attacks per se, but I do have an intense anxiety about leaving my house. Most people like me also have very debilitating panic attacks.


Carmen

[ksos]

Originally posted by Carmen
Ksos,

you said you were misdaignosed with panic disorder. What was the matter with you? Why couldn't you leave your house? Mr Dr. says it is rare that I don't suffer from panic attacks per se, but I do have an intense anxiety about leaving my house. Most people like me also have very debilitating panic attacks.


Carmen

Carmen...

In 1992, I began suffering from left arm numbness, heart palpitations, feelings that I was going to die, depersonalization, and, eventually agoraphobia. I eventually went to a renowned psychiatrist in NYC who diagnosed me with Panic Disorder and I was placed on Klonopin. My symptoms soon went away, I thought that this was a miracle drug, and I continued my life. Three months later, all of the symptoms returned, my dosage of medication was raised, and the whole cycle started all over again.

I eventually was hospitalized in 1994 after a suicide attempt. I couldn't live with what I was going through and, prior to the hospitalization, I was acting bizarre at my job, lifting weights after work for 6 hours a night, not sleeping or eating, becoming filled with rage, and I was beginning to physically threaten people on the street for no reason. I remained hospitalized, on a locked unit, for a month.

It was there when I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. Although I accepted the diagnosis, I refused to take the medicine for it, as it had/has side effects which I found to be unacceptable. In addition, I eventually discovered that Klonopin was a fiercely addictive medicine and needed to be discontinued, according to the treatment team. But my insurance ran out for this particular stay and my wife had to advocate for my insurance to pay for a detoxification unit. Klonopin cessation has to be medically supervised, as one could have seizures, and it is one of the most painful withdrawals imaginable.

I went to another hospital, this time a detox, got off of this medication, and was completely homebound. I couldn't leave my house or the symptoms that I described would return. I would be in bed all day, never move, and wait for my wife to come home to get me cigarettes. That's how bad it got. I decided that I couldn't take it anymore, money was running out, and...

I resumed taking the Klonopin and I was shortly back up to 14 MGs a day, which is near the maximum FDA approved level. I was able to return to work, but my life was becoming out of control with other illicit drugs, my relationship with my wife was worsening, and my job eventually found out that I was taking narcotic painkillers.

To make this very long story shorter, I became enraged with my wife over something which I don't even remember and threatened to kill her. This was in 1999. She told me that she would divorce me if I didn't see a psychiatrist as she was in fear for her life. We had a young child as well.

I went to see the doctor and he placed me on Depakote, which is a mood stabilizer. I began tapering off of the Klonopin very slowly, and began taking Effexor for the depressive symptoms that accompanied my condition.

I am now working in a high level administrative position and have not had any active symptoms of my condition since 1999. I am compliant with the two psychiatric medications and, despite other problems that came up this year, e.g. separating from my wife, a relapse with marijuana in February, I have made it. To a degree, of course. I've also been drug free since June 2, 2003

It is very rare for males to have Panic Disorder, although it exists. Females, statistically, suffer far more from anxiety related conditions, so what you are saying is very true. Anxiety disorders can be managed by anti-anxiety medication; unfortunately, the ones that work cause tolerance and can be habit-forming for addicts. Klonopin is probably the most widely used one these days or Ativan. Some MDs will not prescribe these drugs and offer Buspar as an alternative. I was placed on this medication and I had no relief of symptoms.

Of course there are other alternative ways such as behavioral or cognitive therapies, holistic medicine (which did help me), as well as group support.

Sorry for rambling. I just felt that need to spill the beans on myself, LOL!

[woodtick]

Carmen,
If you had a broken leg would you think that if you were a better person you wouldn't have a broken leg? The truth is, mental conditions are no different than physical ones. Your body is broken more or less. Your thoughts of "if I were a better person I wouldn't have this condition," is just your depression talking. Don't get caught up in those old stigmas about mental illness, you didn't choose to be depressed.

Are you getting therapy regularly to deal with your thoughts and emotions? I don't think I could have dealt with my depression if I wouldn't have had both medications and therapy.

I agree with ksos: "medicine doesn't cure depression. You need to take an active role in your mental health and be your own advocate." That's some of the best advice anyone can give.

Hey ksos,
Did you hear Mick Jagger was knighted in England recently? Sir Mick they say now. Who would have ever thought one who was against the establishment is now part of it! LOL! I guess he has fans in high places.


Wood

[ksos]

Originally posted by woodtick
Did you hear Mick Jagger was knighted in England recently? Sir Mick they say now. Who would have ever thought one who was against the establishment is now part of it! LOL! I guess he has fans in high places.


Wood

Wood...

Do you think that Keith Richards is next in line for Knighthood? Now that would be a statement of epic proportions

[woodtick]

Yeh! That would THE bomb! Could you see those two goofy guys together hosting elagant dinner parties and being the royalty? I can't imagine the spectacle!!!! (I'm laughing as I write this)

Wood

[LJessL]

I notice that Effexor does help me sleep very well, Laurie. This is the one thing I am sure of.

Ksos:

Yes, I also think it makes me lethargic during the day. My depression is better though. I was even able to make 4 dozen Xmas cookies yesterday. As far as getting to work this morning...nah. We had the snowstorm yesterday and I just feel like staying inside my house. I have to push myself to get ready and go. But, otherwise I'm doing alright. Ksos, I read of your struggles.....I'm glad you're feeling better now.

Take Care.

[ksos]

Wood--I can truly imagine the whole band emerging as a monarchy--a portrait no artist can paint.

Laurie--The effect of daytime lethargy should wear off in time. The good thing is that you are feeling less depressed with the medicine.

In NYC, we had a huge blizzard yesterday and now there is barely a sign of snow on the ground. I am off this week from my job, plan to do very little except to sleep, LOL! I had a pretty rough case of Bronchitis this past week and need to recover from that as well.

[2stop]

My heart and prayers go out to all of you. I too suffer from agoraphobia, OCD, and PTSD..amongst otherDX..but anyways just want you all to know I understand..and I care..if you ever need to talk, I am here to listen.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES TODAY YA ALL, YOU'RE WORTH IT YA KNOW!

[LJessL]

KSOS:

Thanks for the info on Effexor. I hope in time my body feels more energy.

Laurie