The hurt child within

[Lilya]

I´ve been noticing lately how wrong my attitude has been towards many things in life, because I still react like a child, and not an adult.

I overreact to lots of things and waste emotional energy on little things. I have learned a beahaviour of an adult and this is why I can function in life, but I lack the emotional substance and strenght to keep me from not getting hurt.

I react like the child who was neglected by it´s parents and in some ways my feelings are that of a 12 year old.

I still believe in magic solutions, like a child.

I get angry and either I burst out and hurt people, or I turn it inwards and make myself depressed.

I get all hyped up by a political situation and can sit for days on end to argue about it. Then I mull over it for days and think about it at nights.

When man gives me the eye, I feel like fleeing or tell him to go to hell.

This is just the top of the iceberg. I believe by recognizing our feelings from childhood we can really heal the child within and become stronger.

What about you, my friends? I think we can help each other by discussing this and heal.
:band

Use adversity

[Juls]

Lilya,

It is important to recognize that inner child. That child needs love and nurturing in order to grow up. That is where we have to learn how to "parent" ourselves.

I like to let my inner child come out and play, and know that it is o.k. to feel angry at something. How I allow myself to react is my choice and decision, and I have learned that I can allow that child to be angry, but yet express it in a healthy way.

Some of my ways of letting my inner child play are: acting silly with my daughter, treating myself to something she would like, (I have bought myself dolls because I never had any as a child), reading children's books and watching children't movies, (two of my favorite books are "Charlotte's Web" and "The Wind in the Willows"), drawing and coloring, allowing myself to feel that "innocence" I felt as a child.

We all have inner children, and many of us have inner children that were badly hurt growing up. Learning how to take care of ourselves and nurture that inner child will lead to more healthy behavior, a feeling of peace within oneself, and increased self-confidence.

Juls

[Mamabear]

Lilya,

Great thread.
I, too, waste a lot of emotional energy. feeling hurt though, that is being human. When we don't feel that's when I worry. That numbness leads me right down the road to a deeper depression.
When I turned the big 4-0, my husband had teeshirts made for everyone who attended a surprise party for me. Each tee shirt has a picture of me at the age of 3 on the front of it. The feeling I had when I walked in and saw everyone wearing the tees was overwhelming. I felt carried in everyone's heart, me , at my most vulnerable state, and it affected me in an interesting way....I have never carried and nurtured that child. Sure I read all the books (la la la )but I decided then I would make a better effort to nurture that child. So, if I want flowers, I buy them They cheer me. I color. yep, me, too, juls. My daughter just smiles. And one of my favorite ways to let that cjold play is a bubble bath. Anyway, I was one of those first child, hyper responsible types so any time I lighten up it's good for me. Today I will find a way to play! Thanks for the reminder totake care of that baby within.
(((((love)))))))
mamabear

[dotcom]

hi lilya

i can relate to that one. i have been living in fear of letting everyone but myself down. whatever i say has to be validated by someone or else its nothing.

while i was on the streets of course people could bully me into giving them whatever they wanted, i was so concerned with what they thought of me. my thinking has been so screwed up, its hard to imagine.

i lived in fear of my fathers wrath up until i was 18. now, i sometimes cower, but other times i tell him to shush and i give him a piece of my mind. which isnt polite, but give him an inch and he will run a mile. its all codependency with him.

ive been really trying to feel mature. i know i can act silly, but for the most part, people have said what a nice young woman ive become. i have absolutely no self confidence at the moment.

dotcom

[ksos]

Lilya...

I cannot believe that this thread missed me, as I have been acting out my "child" all over the place, lately. My boss even called me a whining baby the other day when I presented her with a four page "memo" which was, in reality, a bid to be held, or recognized, whatever.

I had a rough few days at my work. I argued with my boss and exhibited such infantile behavior that she asked me to leave her office.

I am finding myself writing all of these extremely long letters to my estranged spouse and sort of waiting for a response, which I rarely get. I was told that this was manipulative behavior by some here on the board and also by some in my offline life.

I am feeling...I guess...regressed? I am still doing well, am going to work on Sunday to begin my extra job, still clean (6 Months, yeah!), and haven't acted out in a destructive manner, but I'm feeling like I want to be babied...

[Lilya]

Hello everyone,

It´s normal we feel this way. We grew up loving the people who hurt us - our parents or caretakers. The child inside of us needs to win back that love in order to feel whole. That´s why we often choose difficult spouses or people who we feel don´t give us enough love.

There is never enough love, the empty hole inside can never be filled, unless we work hard to claim back the hurt child and nurture it. No one can do it for us. If we work hard at it, we can finally give something to others, instead of being twisted, hostile, picking fights, cheating - in short punishing the wrong person for the sins of our parents.

I visualize the child in front of me. I talk to her soothingly and I tell her I will protect her. I tell her she is worthy of love and success.

This is only the beginning! It´s hard work.

Use adversity

[ButterflyChaser]

I have to agree with everything you are saying...and why is that?? Cause you sound just like me, it's almost as though I just typed that post, Not You!!! hahaha (know what I mean?)lol
So, you took the words right outta my mouth, need I say more???lol

One question...do we ever really "grow-up" complitely???

[Juls]

((((((((Butterfly))))))))

I don't know that I want to grow up completely. I like having an inner child. It allows me to play and have fun and not be so serious.

Lilya, after awhile it will not be all hard work, it will become second nature to learn to love yourself and your inner child. Your inner child is part of what makes you special and brings creativity to the things you do. She makes you fun to be around, especially for your niece I know. The empty hole does become filled by giving to ourselves as well as others. You don't notice it all at once, but one day you realize you don't feel empty anymore.

We don't need to be totally complete to give to others. We give what we have, and that makes it special. If we were to have everything, and it cost us nothing to give to others then what would make it special. I truly believe that by sharing the things we value the most, (and I don't mean material things necessarily, although there is a time and a place for that too), and without expecting something in return, than what we give to others has more value and meaning for us.

Juls