Untangled

[phoenix]

It's been a bit over a month since I finally figured out that my depression had got out of control.Somehow it seems like longer than that.Maybe because it's been kind of a hard road.

It feels like my thinking had become all snarled and knotted,and trying to sort it out is not an easy task.Sure,adjusting my medication has helped a lot.I was over stressed and under treated for a long time.But that's only part of the problem.I still have to face myself,and look at my part in all of it.

I had to see where I had allowed fear to come between me and the rest of the world.And where I had been too dependant on others for a sense of well being.I had to look at my emotional roadblocks.I have been doing a lot to restore myself.

I am facing my fears.I am talking about it.And I am taking karate with my son.It's a good time for both of us.The classes encourage me to get out of myself and to be open to letting people close to me on a physical level in a safe and healthy environment.

I am paying close attention to nutrition as well.There are foods that help provide what my system needs to be strong and well balanced.I am making sure that I get what I need to be well.

I am also getting closer to God.I asked to be released.I told Him it's hard to let go of the old thinking and the old behavior,but that I am willing to let Him take it for me.It's given me peace.

I feel 100% better in so many ways.My thoughts are finally untangled

Thanks for listening,

phoenix

[dotcom]

hi phoenix!

its such a blessing to read your post. about how you were down in the dumps but then you just asked to be released from it all! thats wonderful. i bet the karate class is fun! ive always wanted to take a class like that. well, have a good day. your post was very encouraging!

GOD BLESS!

[Justme57]

Phoenix, I am so glad you posted this ! I am just begining to realise that a lot of my depression was caused by my drinking , have been depressed all my life , and drank heavily for 37 years .

The thing that struck me with your post , was the word " fear "! I realise that I have been fearful all my life too. I have always wanted to be invisible , and I am finding it very hard to be " visible".
Towards the end of my drinking , I used to go to work, where I felt safe and confident , BUT rushed home, shut the curtains, and drank til I had to go back! Insane eh? Not much of a life , and definitely , required no effort from me , but saved me being hurt , I thought !

Anyway , I am learning to cope with my emotions , which I still have , but doing it Sober ! OMG! it is hard . had a bad day yesterday , out of the blue , but thank God for my sure and certain knowledge that I " cannot pick up that first drink" .

Sorry for rambling , but that word fear just jumped out at me

HUGX
Lee

[Lilya]

This is good and powerful topic. Thanks, Phoenix.

I think fear is the number one factor in coping with life in general and used to paralyze me. Or I let it paralyze me. I had to write down what I was going to say to authority figures in advance and couldn´t sleep.

I took courses on fear management held by Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families and there I learned to my amazement, that fear is always there and will always be there, but it´s how we deal with it that matters. Otherwise, fear is useless. Quite stupidly, I thought some people were just fearful neurotics like me or had great courage.

There are so many things we can do to empower ourselves. I find it great you are taking Karate courses with you son, Phoenix. It will empower you both and it´s great for self-esteem. My nephew who is ten took Karate lessons because he´s been picked at at school. He feels much better now and I believe Karate has helped.

I took Kung Fu lessons for a while. Oriental self-dense is the best, because it teaches you spirituality as well. You learn respect for your opponent and for your fears. I should continue, but right now I stay with yoga as I´ve been down.

Fearful feelings are like clutter and dust and it feels great to clarify. I like to visit the Dalai Lama temple in the East suburb of Paris I´ve mentioned and talk to the monks. I meditate in the special mediation room and there I get close to my Higher Power. Afterwards I love to walk in the forest along the lake because in nature I get my source of strength.

I remember an old lesson from Tibet on fears. It´s call The Room of Thousand Demons. You visualize yourself on a top of a high building and when you look down you see snakes, scorpions, demons. The art is to put one foot in front of another, to move like water and get across, no matter how afraid you are.

Use adversity

[51anna]

It sounds like you're doing great Phoenix. And living in fear is such a great topic to think about. I think that when we live in fear and act in fear, our whole lives shift away from what we really should be doing. I know fear had a lot of control over how I lived my life and I still try to work on that every day. Doing away with fear opens you up in so many ways to life. I'm glad to hear you are taking such good care of yourself.

Hugs and love,
Anna