A Crisis

[Lilya]

My mother and brother came for a visit today. I thought it was just to have coffee, but the real purpose was to tell me that my mother has decided to sell the house and kill the cat, both of which belongs to my father who is in a nursing home with brain damage. He is aware of everything around him and he loves this cat like his own child. He is still forbidden to come home. I´m trying to save the cat´s life, but it´s difficult as she is over 9 years old and is terribly sensitive. I cannot give her to another family because she will pee.

What can I do? My mother and brother told me not to tell my father about the house and the cat. I don´t want to make my father even sadder, but I don´t want to lie to him either. Please help. I feel as if I was hit by a car.

Use adversity

[2stop]

Oh Lilya...I am so sorry. This must break your heart. If I were closer I would take that cat and build her her own little house out back. I too am very close to my cats and this is soooo sad..to just sell everything of his like he was already gone. This breaks my heart for you and him. Do we share the same mother? It sounds like a stunt my own mother would pull. I wish I had some advice or wisdom for you...just take it to your HP and say simply Help me....and I bet you will get an answer, but you need some (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) and a shoulder to lean on. Family trouble is soooo draining. I will say a prayer for you..and your father..right now.

[ksos]

Originally posted by Lilya
What can I do? My mother and brother told me not to tell my father about the house and the cat. I don´t want to make my father even sadder, but I don´t want to lie to him either. Please help. I feel as if I was hit by a car. [/B]

This post really hit me hard, Lilya. Why do you have to be sworn to this type of secrecy when this was their decision? I remember you writing about the rebuilding of your relationship with your dad and that he is quite ill. Isn't this part and parcel of a family conspiracy--not yours', but your mother's and brother's?

It really angers me when others attempt to get me to join their delusions and folly. I'm sorry if I'm coming off hard against your family, but I recall your post about your father, Lilya. Too much work went into your relationship with him, in my opinion, to keep a lie from him when he is fully aware of his surroundings.

Personally, and this is only my opinion, a clear message should be given to the two of the other members of your family--"Since I have not had any input into the decision regarding my dad's cat and home, I really have no investment in keeping secrets from him, either."

We are given but one chance on this ball and I wouldn't jeopardize my principles and engage in what is being asked of you. You have worked too damned hard on your recovery, relationship with your father, and your career to indulge in this silliness.

I'm an animal lover too, and this stuff about killing the cat is unacceptable. Can the nursing home allow your father to keep the cat? Is there any way you can talk to the administrator since, as you know, being around animals helps people with their emotional being. Right now, I'm with my DottyDog who just had 21 teeth extracted this morning and is heavily sedated. She is 14 years old, but she is still in good shape. There must be a way to not have to euthanize the cat. Do you have animal rescue teams in France? Does the French government provide for abandoned animals? Just a thought, my friend. I am praying for this crisis to be resolved as I can only imagine how you must feel.

God Bless You

[Lilya]

Tammie and Ksos,

Thank you both for responding. You´re right, Ksos, France has indeed stickt laws about animal protection. This has been very difficult, but I´ve done what is possible for the evening. I managed to get hold of the place where the cat is and have forbidden them to put the her down. They promised me the necessary postponement until I find a family willing to take the cat and give her a home - which I managed to do tonight. Unbelievable, but true.

I called many vets and finally one of them came to the rescue. A woman in the country will take the cat and give her a home with two other cats she keeps in her barn. This will be good for Luna, as she was a straycat when she was given to me and loves nothing more then the open air countryside. She will miss her garden and her neighbourhood, but at least she will be spared and she´ll be free.

I called the priest at the nursinghome and explained the situation. The priest was appalled that I was asked to lie to my father and this is not an option. You´re right, Ksos, I have worked too hard on my recovery for that - and I would never have complied. He will help me to explain to my father my mother´s decisions. I then called my mother and told her I had found a place for the cat, and would she please explain her actions to my father. She promised to do so and is going there with my sister tomorrow. I will call the priest again tomorrow and then my father to make sure he understands.

This is so terrible, it feels like I just saved Luna from an execution. It made me think of the Guillotine and the Great Révolution, and stories about how some people got saved at the last minute. Luna is like a part of this family. I couldn´t help saying to my mother that it was not necessary for her to “take out her guillotine�. It´s an expression in French. I guess it´s equivalent to the English saying: “No need for all these guns.� You say it when people have been very bitchy. In any case, I knew she felt bad about what she´s doing, but she cannot help herself. Something is really wrong, but I am helpless about it and will not take part in her games. It´s not good for me, period.

I feel like I´ve been run over by a car. I´m exhausted.

Use adversity

[2stop]

Lilya, I hope you can find a way to relax tonight and to get some good rest, don't want that flu hitting you hard again. Many times I have had severe relapses of the flu after an emotionally trying time......sending hugs and prayers for strength across the ocean to you.......may angels rest upon your pillow.

[ksos]

Lilya...

All I can say is kudos to you. All of your actions were predicated by sound logic and reason. You should be proud of how your recovery worked today. I'm not sure if I would have been able to make all of these things happen in a day and it must have whipped you into a crepe suzette (spelling?)

This story is indeed unbelievable but it has an ending which, if not 100% perfect, spares a life, which, my dear friend, is something that we, as the two-legged ones owe to our four-legged friends. I share a sense of relief about this, although I know that parting with Luna will be hard, but she will be able to be free. Nine years old is not old by cat standards--I had a cat live to be 18, and she will have many, many more years.

I am also touched by you enlisting a priest in this. It's like your HP is on full blast tonight, Lilya. All of these actions, despite knocking you out, were able to happen. Isn't amazing how one's demons can be defeated when one is healthy enough to not succumb to them? I am so proud of what you did, Lilya, since today I had 21 of my DottyDog Dalmatian's teeth extracted. She is 14 and is resting comfortably tonight, and I know that she is in some pain, but in a couple of days she will be okay. The vet also thought she was in kidney failure but she is not, thank heavens! I thought about you when I went to pick my baby up today and what you were facing with the possible execution of Luna.

Last year, in May, my other dog had to be euthanized. She was DottyDog's "room mate" for 12 years, also a Dalmatian, and I loved her so much. She had a spinal tumor and could no longer move and I made the decision not to let her live like that. It still hurts me and I think about her everyday--only now, I don't cry as often.

Relax tonight. You've earned it

[Lilya]

Thank you both for your comfort and being like the angels I truly needed.

I am indeed a Crêpe Suzette - good spelling, Ksos - and very sad. I´m glad it turned out well and Higher Power was indeed with me. I feel for you for having to put down your other Dalmatien. Animals play purely on your emotions. They make you cry because they depend upon you. I´m glad I have my two cats with me tonight, but I already miss Luna. Jupitre senses my grief and is lying beside me as if he is protecting me.

My father was always against my mother giving away my younger daughter and Luna became in an odd way our symbolic child and grand-child. He said that once and together we started our healing process when Luna came into our life. That´s why the pain is so difficult to deal with.

I hope your DottieDog will heal soon. Thank you both, Tammie and Ksos. You really helped tonight.

Use adversity

[2stop]

If you need to vent..someone to listen I will be off and on here tonight. Hang in there, my friend. I am praying for you and your father. And I have just lit a candle..I will send some positive warm energy your way when I meditate.(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

[Lilya]

Thanks Tammie. You´re so sweet.

I keep crying as this is such an emotional matter. I will allow myself to grief and I´m thinking of Luna when she was a kitten and how sick she was. I stayed with her and gave her a special diet and gave her paraffin for her constipation that almost killed her. The Chinese say if you save someone´s life, you´re bound to that person forever. Lune meant commitment and a lot of care I gave her.

I remember when I took her to the country and how happy she was. She ran around, hunting butterflies. My mother has been locking her up in the garage for a long time now. I only just heard from one of my cousins. That´s why Luna is now so frail and thin. She´s like a shadow.

I believe we have a similar mother. That´s why our sanity is at stake and we shouldn´t be to close. I believe after this last crisis I will be even more detached.

I feel relieved you´re with me in spirit. Hugs to you and thanks again for your help. I should try to get some sleep.

Use adversity

[phoenix]

(((((((((((((Lilya)))))))))))


phoenix

[ksos]

Originally posted by Lilya
Thank you both for your comfort and being like the angels I truly needed.

...My father was always against my mother giving away my younger daughter and Luna became in an odd way our symbolic child and grand-child. He said that once and together we started our healing process when Luna came into our life. That´s why the pain is so difficult to deal with.

I hope your DottieDog will heal soon. Thank you both, Tammie and Ksos. You really helped tonight.

I know of the pain regarding Luna, but she will be alive, thanks to you. And I had a feeling that there was more to this than just a cat, Lilya. Luna represents much more to you as you just wrote. I don't mean to draw an existential line here when one may not exist, but Luna is not facing death--either are you, either is your relationship with your father. Luna is free and perhaps, you are free from many of the demons that were present nine years ago.

I sit at the computer this morning with my Dotty--she is sore but did walk a little today. She is still wobbly from the sedation and, unlike a puppy, it may take longer for her to regain her steadiness. She is curled up like a crescent moon in her little dog bed right now

[Mamabear]

Hi Lilya,

I hope you're feeling better. Grieving a pet is hard work. It's terrific that you are honest about it and not stuffing the feeling. I hope you are comforted and rested soon.
Have you been able to see your father lately?
My mother is an expert at "stuffing" things and at keeping secrets. I don't. Can't manage the ebnergy it takes to keep things secret...and it's so unhealthy. Good job distancing yourself from it all.
We saw our son this weekend. He's clean and is now trying to do without the meds. From what I gather, he takes them sporadically (which is not a good thing to do). He ants to know the extent of his bipolar diagnosis. I asked him to consider doing this in the spring (since he and I are seasonal depressives) and to do it under a doctor's care. I don't really think he agreed. he seems to feel the meds make him slower and he can't do his advanced math. At least he has an awareness of what he's doing.
Again, it's out of my hands.
I'm feeling pretty good though. I am praying/meditating regularly and that seems to help.
(((((peace)))))
Mamabear

[2stop]

((((((((((((((Mamabear))))))))))))))))

Hang in there..you are loved.
:redrose

[Lilya]

Thank you, Ksos, Tammie, Phoenix and Mamabear and all who have supported me during this difficult time. It means so much to me.

I went to the nursinghome tonight, but had a bad feeling about my mother so I called her up and asked if she had honoured the promise she had given to me and told my father about her scheme. She said no.

I just hissed: "Ça alors," - (I´m not really sure how to translate that, maybe "God damn it"), then went to my father and told him the whole thing.

He took it better than I expected and thanked me for telling me about it. He was very happy I had found a place for Luna in the country and suggested we went for a visit later when she´s settled.

I´m still exhausted and kept crying today at work. I had to run to the VC every half-hour with a kleenex, but I´m going through this process.

Mamabear, my thoughts to you and your son. We´ll talk about it later when I´m feeling better. He is always in my prayers.

Use adversity

[2stop]

Lilya, I am so glad you were able to have a good talk with your father. Bless both of ya........(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
:redrose :yellowros :bluerose

[Juls]

Lilya,

I hope you are doing better. Nine years old is not too old for a cat, so hopefully Luna will have many pleasant years living in the country.

You should feel proud that you were able to intervene and save her life. I know how it is with animals. I had a cat that I had found when it was a tiny little kitten. It was pouring rain one night but I could hear this little plaintive mewing sound. I went out with my umbrella and found this poor little starved kitten hiding in some bushes. He let me pick him up and I took him home. I had him for 17 years. When I sold my house and moved I had to have him put to sleep because I knew he would be unable to adapt to a new environment. It was so hard. I cried and cried.

Mamabear, I am glad to hear you are taking care of yourself, meditating/praying. I don't know if it seems like it to you, but from what I am reading I think both you and your son are making progress.

Juls

[Mamabear]

Hi everyone,

Lilya, I pray for you and your Dad every day. I think it's wonderful that you explained to him what is happening. I remember my father in law saying how he felt that others were protecting him from knowing things when he was dying and he wanted to be a part of it all. He explained that it was very lonely when other shielded him from things. I remember how much I loved him especially as he was dying because he was so willing "to be" in the lives of the living. You are doing well continuing to love him at all phases of this experience.

Juls, thanks for the encouragement. I don't know if our family is doing better or not but I do feel this sense of movement and am hopeful. Glad your 'puter is healthy. I'm jealous! I had a nasty skin reaction last night and wanted to consult Seems better today.

Tammie, How's it going? Thanks for the flowers. I found this really cool book and thought of you (yep, you) It's by Doris Klein and she uses watercolor to express different emotions and situations then suggests reflections and meditation based on the drawings. I can get you the title if you like.

Nancy, How's the classroom? Is it giving you energy? I get so much from giving in the classroom. (Sometimes I lose sight of that but today I am very grateful. I'm wishing you a good teaching day.)
G2G
Hi to everyone else. Keep using this board. It really helps.
(((((peace)))))
Mamabear

[Bonni]

(((Lilya))) ((hugs))
I hope you are feeling better, and not so sad. I think its good you talk with your father about his pet. He probably feels better that Luna is in a place where she is loved and cared for, rather then being where she was not. Give him a big ((hug)) for me, and you take care of yourself, lots of ((Big sisterly hugs)) to you too. Love Bonni

:yellowros

[2stop]

Oh yes Mamabear!! Please do get me the title of that book. This is very "coincidental", For the past few weeks the urge to set up an easel and oil paints in my basement has been very strong, and when I argued with myself (in my head) LOL that I am much better at writing...the thought occured to combine the two... This is very very cool that you mentioned this book to me. eagerly awaiting the title.....

(((((((((((((((Hugs to all of you))))))))))))))))))

[Lilya]

Well, the crisis seems to be over. At least this one.

Surely there will be more to come, but I hope I can deal with it quickly and get over it soon. I´m still quite tired and angry at my mother. But those are useless thoughts. I´m tired as well because I´m in the process of reading my proofs day and night, as my new book is in the printing press. Two weeks of craziness and then finally, I will give birth... to my book.

I want to thank everyone who has replied to my posts and taken time to write their thoughts. You can be sure I´ll be there for you all.

Right now I´m thinking Cuba. I can´t wait to get over the promotion of the book - I have to go on a tour in Scandinavia - then go through Christmas with my father and finally - Cuba - the beach, Hemingway´s house and just "La Dolce vita".

Use adversity

[2stop]

Oh that will be so awesome to tour Hemingways house. I have watched documentaries about it..It is certainly beautiful there. I am not allowed to go to Cube. US travel restrictions, but maybe one day, who knows?

Do get all the rest you can Lilya...and give your dad a hug for me. You two are so strong...and beautiful souls. Love ya!

[Lilya]

Tammie,

I really hope you will be able to go to Cuba one day. I´ll hug my father for you and once again, thanks for your loving support.

Use adversity