Something I didn't care for,

[Juls]

I had a client today at work, who is a close personal friend of one of my co-workers. We do treatments for friends, but instead of paying full price we just tip each other the amount that would have been our percentage. We don't do it alot, just sometimes.

The lady I did today I did not care for at all. For one thing she made a couple of what I considered to be, negative remarks about a group of people. I don't want to repeat what she said.

Also she never stopped yakking the whole time she was on the table. The kind of person that just talks and talks, and you really don't have to even say something, just "uh huh," every so often. I have a hard time with that. There is something about that that makes me uncomfortable.

She really liked her facial though and wants to come back and have me as her regular esthetician. I don't want to, but I don't feel like I can say that, since she is the other lady's friend. It's not that she said someting so horrible, but I am sensitive to people making unflattering remarks about groups or races of people. Of course now I'm making an unflattering remark about her I guess, but not because of her race.

Anyway, just wanted to get that out of my system.

Juls

[Lilya]

Juls,

I do understand. I´ve been in that situation many times. I also don´t like it when people just talk and talk and usually they don´t take subtle hints. Usually it´s the other way around for me and it´s my esthetician or my massage person who just talk non-stop. I usually tell them I´m so sleepy I cannot talk and then I yawn. I tried to tell them before I just wanted to relax, but that made them angry.

About reference to people´s race or politics, that is just very difficult. I can usually never keep my mouth shut and it always results in a fight. When I tell them I don´t like to hear comments like that, they get very defensive. So I believe the best course of action is to say: "Well! Right!" And then dismiss it.

Or say nothing and just let the words hang out there for a while, then change the subject. I think direct comments just makes these people more aggressive.

In any case, you have my sympathy.

Use adversity

[lurkings]

My own theory here I am going to throw out... I think that people in general are attention seekers. Very rarely do you see people that do something for their own pleasure all the time. Some people are mild attention seekers and some are aggressive. The best advice I can give you is if someone is doing something you don't like rather than get upset in front of them or say something right away is to ignore the behavior. When they talk about something you don't like give them a very neutral face and don't talk about it, change the subject if you like but don't refer to those comments. After a while one of two things are going to happen either they are not going to talk about those things because there is never a conversation about it or they are going to ask you why you don't talk about it... Then be straight up. But if you are going to ignore the behavior make sure you "reward" them for things that are pleasing to you. For example lets say they make a racist remark... You don't respond just keep doing what your doing and then they start talking about I don't know... Their new car. Now their new car isn't racist so try to carry a conversation about that. Then eventually they will stop making the one kind of comments and move something more rewarding, a conversation.

Does that make sense? If it doesn't I think I can explain it a different way.

It does work I use it all the time. Sometimes it does take time to work especially of you are not seeing them everyday. As far as saying something directly to the person, as an adult if someone said, "I don't like the way your talking," to me my first response would be, "They can't correct me." Especially if I didn't bring it up. Maybe that is my rebelious nature but everyone is different. But also don't be afraid to stand up for what is right. Be up front if things keep going on the way they are going.


~This is my own opinion on what I would do... Not that it counts~

[Juls]

Thanks Lurkings,

Your advice makes perfect sense. Fortunately I don't run into too many people like that. Also, if a person is really bad I do have the freedom to a certain extent to refuse to have them as a client.

This situation was made a little more awkward by the fact that she was a friend of my co-worker. We make a different financial arrangement when we see friends of each other. I did not want to say anthing to her about it, because I do not want to make her feel badly. I doubt I will have to see this woman very much, even if she does want to be a regular client of mine.

Positive re-inforcement is a great technique. I use it with my daughter alot, and it works with other people also.

Juls