Cutting again

[ClayTheScribe]

I just cut myself for the first time in nearly two years. I suppose there's other things I could've done for endorphin release, but this seemed appropriate right now. I wanted to punish myself for being a total f@ck up. I have a hearing on March 10 to suspend my license. Accumulated too many points from two fender benders and a few speeding tickets. I'm not too concerned about my sobriety yet, but this is the first time I've felt this self-destructive in awhile. Now my mom's mad at me because she wanted me to move out by the end of the month with the money they're paying me back but now I need that money for a lawyer and any fees I'll have to pay. I did not tell her why I needed the money now though. She would not be able to handle it right now and she would over-react as she always does. It just makes things at work that much harder too, and I have some increased stresses this week. Anyway, people reading this shouldn't cut, it's not healthy, I just felt I had to do it this one time. The pain makes me feel satisfied that I've been punished. If I could afford to (money and time off work), I'd probably check into inpatient, but that's not an option. Oh well, I'll post if I feel like cutting again.

[sleepie]

Maybe you could get on a treadmill for a rush next time, or jump rope or walk or anything that gets you moving and out of your head. It sounds like you let yourself feel bad about things instead of seeking solutions. You are not a victim to your situation. We both know cutting does nothing but maybe leave a scar. You don't need to punish yourself, you'll be made to pay for your fender benders, as you already know. So, as a fellow cutter (with a long time since cutting)- part of me thinks you may just be hurting yourself as an escape from the reality of putting yourself and others in danger while driving. So stop it, get it together, and do what's right.

[ClayTheScribe]

Thanks, now I feel embarassed haha.

[risckyr]

I saw a therapist when i was cutting and she suggested i do something like exercise to help. Just like sleepie said, go to the batting cages, run, ride a bike anything active you like to do. I started riding my bike when i wanted to cut. I was riding 4-5 times a day about thirty min at a time. Finally, i started enjoying riding and the need to cut got less and less. Music helped, just listening and zoning out. You can stop, just find something to do...Hang in there.