Iatrogenic Drug Addiction

[ksos]

This is something that gets me a little angry when I think about my Bi-Polar Disorder. I think that my addiction to Klonopin stemmed for an initial misdiagnosis in the early 1990s and what eventually required a very painful Klonopin detox in 1996.

I don't know why I am talking about this now, but getting a well-trained psychiatrist who is aware of addiction is imperative. Maybe this can help others.

I remember when I first was diagnosed with a mental illness and it wasn't Bi-Polar Disorder. A well-renowned psychiatrist saw me for therapy and diagnosed me with Panic Disorder. I was placed on a low dose of Klonopin; 0.5 MG three times a day based on the presenting symptoms e.g fear of going outside, feelings that I was going to die or go crazy, heart palpitations, chest pains, numbness in my arm. The symptoms nearly disappeared after three weeks on this drug, but it needed to be titrated every three months. Meaning that it had to be raised.

I had always thought that something else was so much more wrong with me. I began thinking that I had a brain tumor, heart problems, or maybe a stroke was happening. What I didn't know was that Klonopin was an extremely addicting drug. To make a long story short, I think it activated an addiction to tranquilizers. By the time I was first hospitalized, I was up to 14 MG of Klonopin per day, which was near the maximum tolerable dose for a human being. Also, I've been a pill addict since age 12 and I clearly told my MD this.

When I entered the hospital in 1996, I was diagnosed with Bi-Polor disorder for the first time. I refused to take Lithium and I was placed on antipsychiotic medication along with an MAO inhibitor called Parnate. In total, I was on approximately 12 medicines per day and I was a zombie. That, in itself, was reflective of something that was wrong.

Shortly after I was discharged and not better, I was able to link up with a very kind and astute MD who recognized that I was overly medicated and advocated for me to get into a detox. Although highly painful, I was able to get off of all the medicines that had been prescribed, the Klonopin detox was excruciatingly painful, and within 4 months, I was down to one 0.5 pill of Klonopin a day. I was now completely agoraphobic, though and was still refusing to go on medication that was designed for Bi-Polar disorder until one day, I threatened to kill my wife. She gave me an ultamatum. If I were to remain in the home, I would have to see a specialized psychiatrist and address what had never been addressed before.

I eventually went to another psychiatrist who introduced me to Depakote and Effexor. I guess what I am trying to say is that I went through 8 years of psychiatric BS and am now able to function in a high level management position at the hospital I work for, haven't had a Panic Attack in years, am far less aggressive to everyone in my life, and despite my current life problems. I am able to proceed in my recovery.

The point? I truly believe that I was misdiagnosed. Now, I'm wondering if I am even Bipolar, but I am scared to not take the Depakote since I do notice a positive change from this medicine.

It is the luck of the draw when it comes to a psychiatrist. I want to get off of all meds completely and I don't want to use the excuse of a divorce to stay on them. S-it happens and no amount of pills are going to help me more than what I am doing now. I am wise enough to never stop taking my medication as I know what happens when I do what is not indicated. I just wanted to share my story with you folks who have been really supportive of me during this rough time.

Ksos

[Juls]

Ksos,

Psychiatrists, along with any other type of MD are not infallible. Mental illnesses are often difficult to diagnose and treat. There are incompetent dr.s out there, but I doubt that anyone was deliberately trying to mess you over.

That said, I have also experienced similar to yourself. While I have always suffered from depression I refused to take psych meds. It wasn't until I had gotten addicted unknowingly to Xanax. I say unknowinly because I did not know Xanax was so highly addictive, and I did not take more than what was recommended. My w/d from that medication was also extremely painful. I did not sleep for six weeks. It was at that point that I became willing to try an antidepressant med, that was also to be helpful for sleep.

I had panic around taking any meds because of my experience with the Xanax, and I had a difficult time adjusting to it. Also, in the beginning, after I would take it, I would feel similar feelings as to when I would be having a panic attack. Heart pounding, feeling dizzy, etc. I did adjust to it with time though.

One of the things I have learned from that experience is to be my own advocate. Now before I take anything, I do research and make sure I know everything about it. I listen to my Dr. but I also check things out for myself.

I know how you feel about wanting to off all meds. Maybe one day you will be able to, and me also.

In the meantime I can tell you are working your program. I have seen growth in you just since you started posting here. Keep doing that, and things in your life will improve. Maybe not the way you think they should, or even want all the time. Just because we stop abusing drugs does not mean our life will be trouble free, but we learn how to deal with life without using no matter what happens, and I think that is the greatest accomplishment.

Juls

[ksos]

Thanks Juls for sharing and for your reply...

My post was based on a feeling of anger that many of my more sour life experiences may have been avoided if I did some of the things that you spoke to, namely being more vested in my treatment. But I was so manic when I was first hospitalized and my wife had to make all of the decisions and, even then, the doctors wouldn't listen to her because I actually refused to have visitation with her, saying she was out to get me, all sorts of crazy stuff. Anyway, that nightmare is over, thank heavens.

I really appreciate the feedback you gave me on this thread. I do feel that I am making positive changes in my life. I hope, like you do, that we can be off of our medications, but for now, we have to take it one day at a time...

Ksos

[Juls]

Well, you know Ksos that hindsight is always 20/20. There is nothing we can do about our past in regards to that. Those expereinces are wasted though if we don't learn from them so we can do something different with our present and future.

You werent' in a position at that time to be more vested in your treatment. Your behavior was beyond your control, and you had to have outside intervention/help. Sometimes I used to think back on things that had happend to me, and I would think "if only I hadn't gone there that day," "if only I hadn't done this or that," or "why didn't I do this or that," you know what I mean.

Those questions are wasted energy though. I try to focus my energy and thoughts on making meself better, on improving my life, and the life of my family.

Juls