no ambition

[steve4432]

Hi my name is Steve and I am in recovery and sober but not feeling good I have been sober since march 25 2003 and have been on lexipro for the last 35 days . My problem is I am not feeling any better I have no ambition have been confused a lot it seems nothing matters and I feel like I have a head full of cotton.
my self esteme is really suffering and I am really getting depressed from being depressed if that makes sence.
I have allways been able to dream and set goals to obtain them but I am no longer able to do this I just want to be able to work for a better life but latlely all I am doing is breathing my part of the air,eating my part of the food,and lathargically walking around in the space I occupy.This sort of rootless existance is grining away at the very fabric of everything I have ever been about. So now I am broke and I am gonna end up getting kicked out of another house and I am sober for petes sake.How can I get out of this funk I have to do something fast I am loosing ground.Please if you have any suggestions let me know.Oh also I go to on average 2 to 3 meetings a day AA that is my family is having trouble with that and my wife is leaving me rotten notes and she is still drinking I have very little support from her she just tells me to snap out of it I am trying to believe me.

[51anna]

Hi Steve,

It sounds like you're really discouraged right now and I don't blame you. But, sometimes it takes awhile for things to straighten out. I created a lot of problems for myself and my family when I was drinking and it was very hard to have the patience I needed to wait for things to fall into place. I wanted it all to happen right away.

About the lexipro - is that for depression? It if is and it's not working go back to your dr. I had to try 3 different meds and then 2 different dosages of the 3rd one to find what worked for me. I thought nothing would help and then finally one clicked and my life turned around within weeks.

Sorry you're not finding support at home, but we are always here and feel free to PM anytime if you want to.

Hugs and love,
Anna

[Lilya]

Hi Steve,

First rule of business: Recovery takes time. It also takes time to let the meds work, although I agree with 51anna to have it checked and see if you don´t get better.

It´s usually very overwhelming to start life over again. My advice is to take it very slow and set small goals. The meds may make you lethargic so ask your doctor.

I don´t want to discourage you. I think it´s great that you´ve been sober for this long. I just want to share with you that when I got sober 17 years ago it took me quite some time to get emotionally sober, then being part of society, if you see what I mean. I tried to go fast and got very depressed. And yes, I know about being depressed just from being depressed. I wish I had been kinder to myself, because when I look back, I was blossoming, but in my pain and lethargy I didn´t know it.

Family members seldom understands when we go through a change. Try to understand them as well. They feel insecure about changes - in fact, I´ve found that people need me to stay the same so they can be comfortable.

Hang in there and take it slow. Make simple goals and you´ll feel better. Let us know how you´re doing.

Use adversity

[ksos]

Hi Steve:

First off, I think it's great that you are going to the amount of meetings that you are going to and are clean. That is something that I am only starting to do, meaning the meetings, and I commend you. Depression is insidious, in my opinion. I think, as Lilya said, that 35 days on a medicine without feeling better, needs to be brought to your doctor's attention. I found this on the web about the medicine you are taking:

New Antidepressant Approved

Revamped Version of Celexa Has Few Side Effects

By Jennifer Warner
WebMD Medical News Reviewed By Michael Smith, MD


Aug. 15, 2002 -- The FDA today approved a new form of the popular antidepressant drug Celexa that promises to treat depression with fewer side effects. The drug, to be sold as Lexapro, was created using a relatively new approach that removed inactive ingredients in Celexa -- yielding a safer and more potent form of the medication.


Celexa and Lexapro are both part of the new generation of prescription antidepressant drugs known as SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), which also includes Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil. The medications work by increasing the activity of a certain brain chemical involved in depression called serotonin.


Nearly 19 million Americans suffer from some type of depression. Researchers say one in four women and one in 10 men will be diagnosed with depression within their lifetime.


SSRIs have rapidly become the first choice of many doctors for the treatment of depression, but the drugs can take up to six weeks to provide relief and come with some side effects. These side effects -- including nausea, anxiety, problems sleeping, loss of sexual desire, and headaches or dizziness -- are not life-threatening, but can be problematic for many SSRI users.


But because Lexapro contains a more concentrated and purified form of the active ingredient in Celexa, it can be given at much lower doses, which means it causes fewer side effects. Clinical trials of Lexapro in people with moderate to severe depression found a dose of 10 mg per day of Lexapro was as effective as a daily 40 mg dose of Celexa.


Andrew Farah, MD, medical director of behavioral services at High Point Regional Health System in North Carolina, says intolerable side effects are the main reason that only about 40% of those who seek treatment for depression complete the recommended therapy.


"The real advance is that this drug seems to be devoid of virtually all side effects," says Farah, who is also a clinical professor at Wake Forest University. "I think most people who have tried antidepressants in the past and didn't like them because of the side effects will be very pleased with this one."


The most commonly reported side effect of Lexapro was nausea, and it occurred in 15% of the patients who received the drug, compared with 7% among those who took a placebo. Other side effects occurred at a rate similar to the placebo group and included insomnia, ejaculation disorder, sleepwalking, and fatigue.


"I think it's a really important step because we've been using these [SSRI] drugs since Prozac came out in 1986, and this is the first real, elegant refinement where you see such a nice cleanliness and such a nice tolerability," says Farah.


In addition, clinical trials suggest that many patients' depressive symptoms may begin to improve within a week or two after they began taking Lexapro. Studies on other SSRIs have had similar findings.


Farah says similar modifications have been attempted with other types of SSRIs but this is the first version that has been so successful in treating depression without producing unwanted side effects.


The manufacturer of Lexapro, Forest Laboratories, Inc., says it expects the drug to be available in pharmacies by Sept. 5. Lexapro is expected to cost about 8% less than Celexa, which currently costs about $60 for a month's supply of the 20 mg tablets.


© 2002 WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.

K

[ksos]

Steve...

Sorry, I just wanted to add that maybe you are feeling some of the effects of being sober. I don't know what your DOC was but it really doesn't matter. It's really hard to be sober. Everyone here knows that and everyday is a freaking test in early recovery--I'm speaking for myself.

Some people in your life won't be able to accept the new you. Going to meetings is probably introducing you to many new concepts about life which people who are active are going to be opposed to--perhaps. I'm not saying that this is the case, but you seem to be doing the right thing in putting your recovery first.

I'm just starting to do many new things for myself like resuming going to NA meetings and joining a Sex Addicts online workshop. I know that horrible feeling of cotton head, despair, and hopelessness. But you have this forum, you have your groups, and you have made a step in the right direction by posting here. Bless You.

K

[Juls]

Steve,

I ditto what the others said in terms of talking to your Dr. about the way your feeling. Some meds can take several weeks to really start working to their full effect. I remember having that cotton head feeling too when I first started. Those feelings usually go away once your body is adjusted.

You are in a transition phase now. You've left your old using life, and are working on rebuilding a new life in recovery. It takes time. Like Lilya said trying to go fast can cause you to feel depressed when you think you are not progressing quickly enough.

The transition phase is an important time because you are going to be learning alot of new things about yourself and the world around you. Although you may feel like you are not making any progress, or even losing ground, in reality you are not. Every day that you stay sober, and practice recovery you are progressing.

Have you started any step work?

It took me several months to really start feeling better and to feel as though I was actually living again.

Be patient with yourself and the process. One thing that is helpful is to keep a journal and write down the things you are feeling/thinking/experiencing. This is a good way of assessing what is happening. Alot of times it seems as if nothing is happening, but when you journal and then go back and read it, it gives you a better perspective.

Hang in there Steve, we all care about you, and you will see a difference.

Juls

[steve4432]

Thank you very much everone I actually feel a lot better today what I did was really stupid and put me in a dangerious position to use again. I hadnt liked the way I was feeling because of all the step work step 4&5 and I ran out of my antidepresant lexipro so I figured I would see if I really needed it and a downward spiral I went man that was bad I didnt know how good i really felt on the stuff I had my general practitioner call in a new script and after one dose I feel 100% better. This week I will see the shrink to tweak the dosage I know now not to mess with these drugs and they are much more powerfull than I thought.
My increased deppression is from my step work I was really into drugs and all the evil they can bring and ended up drinking all day everyday just to feel normal and to me that was not to feel at all. Thank you ksos for your research I will have to give it more time. But there is one side effect that has to be addressed and you can guess which one I mean come on lord I gave everything else up throw me a bone no pun intended HAHA.........
Thanks again........Love ya all .......Stevie

[2stop]

~Stevie~ Hang in there. Sounds like you are making progress, although I sure know that so many times it does not feel like it one bit. Keep doing the recovery work...and you will continue to recover. (((((((((Prayers and a Hug)))))))))

[51anna]

Glad to hear you're feeling better Steve. Don't underestimate the importance of or the need for antidepressants. After 3 years on mine I had to stop it to undergo a specific medical test. The first week was a piece of cake, but by the middle of week 2, I could barely get out of bed and was miserable. I was surprised once again at the profound importance of that little pill. It's a life-saver.

Hugs and love,
Anna

[ksos]

Stevie...

I'm glad to hear what you have done. To me, you took positive action and did what the doctor ordered, no pun intended

One thing I can tell you about anti-depressants. They do have cessation effects--they are not "addicting", but they do elicit a physical syndrome if you stop abruptly. If I forget to take my Effexor for one freaking day, I get really sick. This is not to scare you, but these medicines need to be closely monitored by a doctor. If you ever get off of the meds, your MD would taper the dose down and you would never experience this type of feeling--meaning the cessation effects. Lexapro seems to be a safe medicine, unlike the older types of tri-cyclics. Man, I've been on nearly every type and I was lucky that Effexor worked for me.

HP works in strange ways, Stevie. You know that as well as I. Right now, my life is not what I want it to be--I'm separating from my wife based on my relapses and I need to pick up the pieces. No matter what, you have your support system in place and, sooner or later, you will reap the benifits of your work. I have hope for myself to. That's what keeps me going.

K

[steve4432]

Thanks again ksos I am really sorry to hear about your wife and the seperation this disease carries some horrible demons together with our HP we can defete them you will be in my prayers ksos if you ever want to talk feel free to call my cell
I will leave it on your pm.

[ksos]

Thanks Stevie...

I got the PM. It's a tough deal for everyone, but everyday I make it clean, is a success. I am beginning to work two jobs as of tomorrow since I have to pay for an apartment in addition to my mortgage. Basically my schedule will be 8:30 AM to 10:00 PM. My only fear about working this many hours is my stamina, which I feel okay about now, but I am 40, LOL! I love work as it keeps me occupied, I'm around sober people and I need the extra income, to boot.

I'll have Saturdays and Sundays off to be with my daughter, though and maintain my therapy and meetings. I would like to go everyday to NA but I have to work right now--to survive. I just hope that I'm not overlooking my recovery--I always need affirmations from others right now since my reality isn't always real...

K

[steve4432]

Hey ksos good to hear from you and great to hear your clean I know all about the work and being fourty I lost a lot of stamina on that last birthday where did it go? ya know I think my kids got it. but your doing fantastic and we never know what lies in store so hang in there your gonna make it and you really deserve the best Ill see ya soon........Stevie

[steve4432]

Oh I forgot to tell everyone I am doing great today I went back on lexapro I was out of them and I had my gen practitioner call in a script and this week I am seeing the shrink to have them adjusted thank you so much that was three days of demons.....thankyou all ((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Stevie