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|11-10-2010, 08:59 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
By nature I'm an outgoing bubbly type but having had clinical depression and anxiety, I find myself shutting down or isolating myself which isn't healthy. But the problem is this sense of isolation I feel. It is so hard to meet new people, make new friends. Everyone is so busy, life is full of responsibilities. I work and made friends but not the kind of friends I feel I can trust.
My RABF isn't available at all because he is in an intensive rehab and will be there for months. This reality hit me yesterday like a load of bricks and once again I feel like I am alone. For a brief time I felt like I had someone who wanted to be there for me and I didn't feel alone. But now he is gone and I feel like he is so far away from me emotionally and unable to even contact me so I am missing him and my depression is slowly creeping up on me.
I have family but my parents are elderly. My siblings have their own issues and lives. My best friend recently lost her child so she isn't available. I hate this feeling. I don't do well alone. I try to do things, stay productive, journaling etc but am just dying for people to talk to. I am in therapy and she is awesome but that is only once a week. I know it takes effort to make connections but making those truly valueable connections are precious. And rare. I don't have free time to join clubs and I'm on a tight budget to get out and do fun things. Plus it is getting colder.
Maybe I need to switch meds or go up a bit. With other meds I gained weight which I really hated. I'm trying to ride this out. Tell myself that this too shall pass but I find myself withdrawing more and that isn't good.
Thanks for listening.
|11-11-2010, 12:46 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle WA
This might be a rough one to hear Babyblue, but I don't mean it with any sense of sarcasm or hard edges. If your depression is such that you have some physical energy available, concentrate on what YOU can do for others rather than what they can do for you. By that I mean, seek out some volunteer opportunities. Mentor a teenager, take dinner to your friend who lost her child, visit an elderly person who is shut in, etc. There are millions of such opportunities. They don't even have to be formally done through a volunteer group. Just look for other people that need someone to talk to. When you start listening to others and their stories, I promise you will feel a lot less alone and isolated. I know it is sooooo hard to do this when you are already feeling alone and depressed but really, no single relationship is going to fill the void created by your sadness and depression. But helping others will do more than you can imagine. Just remember to keep good boundaries and not OVER DO it.
I only offer this advice because it has worked for me so many times. Maybe it will work for you as well.
|11-12-2010, 08:19 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2008
Staying actively involved with my home 12-step group helps immensely. It gets me out of the house and interacting with my peers in recovery.
DeVon & the Zoo Crew
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
--Orlando A. Battista
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|11-12-2010, 10:16 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2010
I hear you! Am in an eerily similar situation. I've had to grit my teeth through too many Friday and Saturday nights, lately.
In fact, I'll admit to crying in front of my wardrobe last Sunday. It was beautiful out; I wanted nothing more than to go for a lovely walk by the lake. But was stalled the idea that it'd just be me, a book, and the birds (as it had been two Sundays before that). And then by an irrational fear of being mugged, or something. Etc. Yuk.
Introspection, I think, can only get you so far. Of course it's important, understanding is important.
More and more I believe distraction can do wonders, and that fun is generally underestimated. I know your organic-connection options are limited right now, and you've said money and time are tight... but if you have any to spare or save, I'd really recommend taking a night class in some creative field. Trite, obvious, and not anywhere near enough, I know...
Will say, though, that when I took a short story writing class two years ago (when I had a job, in the last place I lived), I met four wonderful people; in the course of the class, we recognized in each other roughly the same level of commitment and natural ability, and kept up a group going after the term ended. I'm still in touch.
Part of what made it work was that we all had a genuine interest in writing. Which I used to process what was happening in my life, albeit in an oblique way. I got to turn my s****y life into something like art.
Earlier this year, I took a performance-related class, with equal enthusiasm (and out of equal desperation). Again, the craft itself had a therapeutic effect. And again, I lucked into a good group, and we kept up with it for a while. The performative aspect made it fun, and broadened the scope of what we as a group got up to - wound up seeing shows in search of inspiration, and supporting each other's work. Am still in (transatlantic!) touch with a few of them.
I'm looking for another class to start here, from January.
Like I said, there's luck in it - it might be unusual that a kind of gelling happened in these two instances. And strangers can never substitute for intimate, long histories with friends. But if you can accept the limitations of mere acquaintance, the right class can be at least a distraction, and maybe more. (Ideally in something creative, for alchemical/cathartic reasons, or physical, for same - I know people in a rec soccer league who get a lot out of it.)
Also, there's a structure to the week - you know for sure that on Wednesday or whatever, you're out of the house.
Lastly I'll remind you of what you know, which is that exercise can do amazing things for a body and mind. And it's cheaper and less horrible & self-alienating than drugs, in my opinion.
Truthfully, it's damned boring to be alone, but if you keep busy enough, you can fool yourself into not noticing for a while.
|11-13-2010, 12:25 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2010
Do you attend group? Its free, doesn't have to be AA.
That's where most of my "real friends" come from. I always have someone to call and talk to. Not just about addictions.
I tend to isolate too and it's a vicious cycle. The more you do it, the less you want to make an effort to connect with another human being. It's dangerous.
I'm busy as Hell but find time 1 night a week for group. Then I make myself available to others for texts or phone calls when they need it. In return I get that too.
You don't have to do this alone. If you do it's by choice. It can be different.
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|11-14-2010, 12:35 AM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
I have been thinking about doing something with my love of music. I can't afford lessons right now though but I'll try to figure something out. It is about the only thing I have an interest in which makes me feel good.
Exercise I know is great but I feel stuck. Inertia almost. Today a friend invited me out to dinner so that was nice. But even when I'm out, I feel alone sometimes. It just seems easier to isolate and yeah, it is a vicious cycle. I have no problem making friends but making a connection is something different if that makes sense. I need to connect with more people so that I can have people to reach out to.
I like the groups idea. It is on a deeper level then making a pal at the office.
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