depressed, poor and scared - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

komikanu · 10-20-2003, 03:53 PM

what to do when you are depressed, uninsured, afraid of meds, and completely broke. i see a lot of people here say talk to your doctor. i don't have one, can't afford one. haven't had a physical in 3 years (when i lost job) and scared to, considering how much i smoke and drink, and how i feel general sadness consumes my body. i am weary it is difficult to get help you're poor. i have been to a therapist who i will see this week. i have avoided her for the months because i wanted think i could do it alone, and because i can't stay sober, and am afraid to admit cause i can't afford treatment. things are collapsing so now i'm going, she's cheap and i love her, but i'm afraid i'm beyond her, and her referals are so expensive. i am ashamed to admit i can't overcome heartache. i have made loss a cycle, i expose myself as unstable, mostly fueled by alcohol and drug abuse. then i play the victim, push when i know i am not wanted, and get called crazy and shut out. i know i will always be sad and alone, slowly killing myself with cigarettes and alcohol unless something changes.

Juls · 10-20-2003, 05:18 PM

O.K.

Komikanu,

I am going to give you a little tough love right now, so I hope you will be o.k. with it.

I know how you are feeling. I have felt that way also. You will not always be sad and alone, you don't have to be sad and alone. Believe it or not, we choose to be the way we are. Nothing will change until we make steps to change things.

I don't want to say anything else, because you sound like you are so overwhelmed right now.

Is your counselor through your school or another source?

Juls

komikanu · 10-20-2003, 05:25 PM

i lived here for awhile in 1996 while going through a divorce and i met her then. things will be ok. it's a dark time but i know what i have to do. my ego is hugely blasted right now, and i am being very hard on myself, but i am sitting here working on my resume, which is a good thing. i am getting my head into something.

Lilya · 10-20-2003, 05:59 PM

Komikanu,

I lived under the bridges of Paris with vagrants and drug-dealers, killers and you name it. I slept in the métro, on the banks of La Seine. I was out of school and out of job and out of society. I stopped living like that and got help. So can you.

Living like this makes you so tired. I remember very vividly the fatigue, this sinking feeling of hopelessness.

Getting out is anything but simple, but it boils down to get busy living or get busy dying.

Get some welfare, go to churches for food, live in shelters - if you´re homeless - until you´re on your feet again. Get free medical attention, be responsible for your body and spirit, and last but not least: Get that résumé done.

Good luck!

Quote:

Use adversity

phoenix · 10-20-2003, 06:01 PM

Be sure that you've checked out all of the resources in your community.I am low income and uninsured.I see a very good doctor at my local Community Action Agency.I pay only 3 dollars per visit,and when I need medication he often has samples.

Other needs are sometimes covered through the agency.He see patients at the clinic one day every week,and is very nice about fitting me in at a time that doesn't conflict with my work schedule.In an emergency,I can go to his office.In that case I pay for the office visit,but often still get samples if medication is needed.I am very fortunate that my city has such a resource available.Maybe yours has something like it.Good luck

phoenix

Juls · 10-20-2003, 07:30 PM

One thing is to learn how to stop playing the victim.

Juls

komikanu · 10-20-2003, 08:00 PM

i know, that's the biggest thing. i have become comfortable with is since i was a kid. i need a support system, i need a few friends to talk to, someone to sit on my couch, now that i finally have one. makes it so much worse than it probably is, being alone so much.

***51anna*** · 10-20-2003, 11:33 PM

Komikanu, you are not alone. We are all with you in spirit - truly we are.

Thinking of you,
Hugs and love, Anna

komikanu · 10-21-2003, 02:54 PM

well i have made it through the day thus far, but, i am so fatiuged i had to come home and take a nap for 3 hours. this has become a regular thing, long naps, or just not being able to get out of bed. i bike some each day, but so far that has not given me much of an energy boost. i guess after a while of detox energy comes back, i hope. the sleeping thing has been an issue since way before i started drinking, i have always had a hard time getting up. and i'm not even on meds which i can have that side affect

ksos · 10-21-2003, 05:11 PM

Hi and I hope that you do succeed in living rather than dying. I am going through my own hell right now, but there is this "victim" syndrome that I find myself always playing and whoever brought that up here, is right. We all must be aware of this characteristic and I'm sorry if I'm coming off strong, but I know that if people BS me, I'll take them for a ride on my trip to LaLa land.

There really isn't any excuse not to be able to get yourself medically checked. You can get psychiatric or psychotheraputic help, I'm sure. Resources are key. Become your own advocate, my friend. And we are all here to support one another on this board. I've only been here a month or so, and I'm already listening to the higher power that this group of people means to me. I am on the verge of getting a second job to supplement myself as I am separated from wife and need to pay for another residence. I am in therapy. And, thus far, I've stayed clean for nearly five months, which may not sound like much, but for me, it is.

You can do so much when you set your mind to it. I hear the suffering in your posts. Just do the one day at a time thing and if you're tired, take a nap...Recovery is not just stopping the drinking and drugging. Your body and mind have to heal.

K

zoomer · 10-31-2003, 06:42 AM

In every phone book there are places to call for help and will help you based on income or no income. Believe it or not, sometimes you get better help when you do not have an income than when you do. We all go through our ups and downs in life,Iv been there. At one point I too was homeless and pregos. I could not stand to be around my BF,so I went to the Salvation Army's batter woman's shelter and to an unwed womans place. Ha, I found that all the women who went there,they were talked into giving up their babies for adoption! Scarry,so i pulled myself up by my boot straps and have been climbing up hill ever sence. I now have a nice home with a husband and kids,an education and I now give back what was given to me. I'm still afraid because homelessness or poverty is only a step away from anyone's door unless of course you are very rich or have parents that can take care of you. Your not alone,but are in a low point of your life,so start climbing by making phone calls.

Mamabear · 10-31-2003, 07:43 PM

Komakanu.

Try a center for mental health in your closest city. I know it is overwhelming to think of tackling it all alone. Also, almost every hospital has free services that are available for dual diagnosis. Just ask. That's the hard part. And let someone else help you find your way out.
You really aren't alone.
And there are many others who are making it.
I 'm hoping you find some hope to take the step.
mamabear

10-20-2003, 03:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
komikanu Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: chapel hill, nc Posts: 8	depressed, poor and scared what to do when you are depressed, uninsured, afraid of meds, and completely broke. i see a lot of people here say talk to your doctor. i don't have one, can't afford one. haven't had a physical in 3 years (when i lost job) and scared to, considering how much i smoke and drink, and how i feel general sadness consumes my body. i am weary it is difficult to get help you're poor. i have been to a therapist who i will see this week. i have avoided her for the months because i wanted think i could do it alone, and because i can't stay sober, and am afraid to admit cause i can't afford treatment. things are collapsing so now i'm going, she's cheap and i love her, but i'm afraid i'm beyond her, and her referals are so expensive. i am ashamed to admit i can't overcome heartache. i have made loss a cycle, i expose myself as unstable, mostly fueled by alcohol and drug abuse. then i play the victim, push when i know i am not wanted, and get called crazy and shut out. i know i will always be sad and alone, slowly killing myself with cigarettes and alcohol unless something changes.

10-20-2003, 05:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	O.K. Komikanu, I am going to give you a little tough love right now, so I hope you will be o.k. with it. I know how you are feeling. I have felt that way also. You will not always be sad and alone, you don't have to be sad and alone. Believe it or not, we choose to be the way we are. Nothing will change until we make steps to change things. I don't want to say anything else, because you sound like you are so overwhelmed right now. Is your counselor through your school or another source? Juls __________________ Think World Peace

10-20-2003, 07:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	One thing is to learn how to stop playing the victim. Juls __________________ Think World Peace

10-31-2003, 07:43 PM	#12 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 233	Komakanu. Try a center for mental health in your closest city. I know it is overwhelming to think of tackling it all alone. Also, almost every hospital has free services that are available for dual diagnosis. Just ask. That's the hard part. And let someone else help you find your way out. You really aren't alone. And there are many others who are making it. I 'm hoping you find some hope to take the step. mamabear __________________ Mamabear

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10-20-2003, 05:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
komikanu Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: chapel hill, nc Posts: 8	i lived here for awhile in 1996 while going through a divorce and i met her then. things will be ok. it's a dark time but i know what i have to do. my ego is hugely blasted right now, and i am being very hard on myself, but i am sitting here working on my resume, which is a good thing. i am getting my head into something.

10-20-2003, 06:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
phoenix Paused Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Dreaming Summer Posts: 807	Be sure that you've checked out all of the resources in your community.I am low income and uninsured.I see a very good doctor at my local Community Action Agency.I pay only 3 dollars per visit,and when I need medication he often has samples. Other needs are sometimes covered through the agency.He see patients at the clinic one day every week,and is very nice about fitting me in at a time that doesn't conflict with my work schedule.In an emergency,I can go to his office.In that case I pay for the office visit,but often still get samples if medication is needed.I am very fortunate that my city has such a resource available.Maybe yours has something like it.Good luck phoenix

10-20-2003, 08:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
komikanu Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: chapel hill, nc Posts: 8	i know, that's the biggest thing. i have become comfortable with is since i was a kid. i need a support system, i need a few friends to talk to, someone to sit on my couch, now that i finally have one. makes it so much worse than it probably is, being alone so much.

10-20-2003, 11:33 PM	#8 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,735	Komikanu, you are not alone. We are all with you in spirit - truly we are. Thinking of you, Hugs and love, Anna

10-21-2003, 02:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
komikanu Paused Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: chapel hill, nc Posts: 8	well i have made it through the day thus far, but, i am so fatiuged i had to come home and take a nap for 3 hours. this has become a regular thing, long naps, or just not being able to get out of bed. i bike some each day, but so far that has not given me much of an energy boost. i guess after a while of detox energy comes back, i hope. the sleeping thing has been an issue since way before i started drinking, i have always had a hard time getting up. and i'm not even on meds which i can have that side affect

10-21-2003, 05:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
ksos Waiting For Engines Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 545	Hi and I hope that you do succeed in living rather than dying. I am going through my own hell right now, but there is this "victim" syndrome that I find myself always playing and whoever brought that up here, is right. We all must be aware of this characteristic and I'm sorry if I'm coming off strong, but I know that if people BS me, I'll take them for a ride on my trip to LaLa land. There really isn't any excuse not to be able to get yourself medically checked. You can get psychiatric or psychotheraputic help, I'm sure. Resources are key. Become your own advocate, my friend. And we are all here to support one another on this board. I've only been here a month or so, and I'm already listening to the higher power that this group of people means to me. I am on the verge of getting a second job to supplement myself as I am separated from wife and need to pay for another residence. I am in therapy. And, thus far, I've stayed clean for nearly five months, which may not sound like much, but for me, it is. You can do so much when you set your mind to it. I hear the suffering in your posts. Just do the one day at a time thing and if you're tired, take a nap...Recovery is not just stopping the drinking and drugging. Your body and mind have to heal. K

10-31-2003, 06:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,461	In every phone book there are places to call for help and will help you based on income or no income. Believe it or not, sometimes you get better help when you do not have an income than when you do. We all go through our ups and downs in life,Iv been there. At one point I too was homeless and pregos. I could not stand to be around my BF,so I went to the Salvation Army's batter woman's shelter and to an unwed womans place. Ha, I found that all the women who went there,they were talked into giving up their babies for adoption! Scarry,so i pulled myself up by my boot straps and have been climbing up hill ever sence. I now have a nice home with a husband and kids,an education and I now give back what was given to me. I'm still afraid because homelessness or poverty is only a step away from anyone's door unless of course you are very rich or have parents that can take care of you. Your not alone,but are in a low point of your life,so start climbing by making phone calls.

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