i wish wasnt writing this

[clancy]

I want to be happy, i really do, but today and yesterday i feel overcome by a terrible crushing depression,im so sad im so bored i wish ihadnt lost my job,seems like all my friends went with it,and its almost impossible to find something else with no references. i spend so much time crying and craving! I went to see an old school friend for a couple of days,she is so clean(hell,shes nevr been dirty) and she hasthree great kids,and a job! it should have been fun but i on the verge of tears all the time
.
I dont want to whine, i want to make a happy post but im so miserable,feels like hell. using was so much better than ,this, i feel like cracking, please pray for me.

Clancy


P.S is this what they mean by 'rock bottom'?

[phoenix]

(((((((((((((Clancy)))))))))))))))

I don't have any words of wisdom...but I sure understand what you're going through.Hang in there...k?

phoenix

[Juls]

Clancy,

I hope you read this, and I don't want to sound harsh, but honey using is what helped to create this situation for you. Staying clean is the only way to change it. Continuing to use because of bad feelings, or the state your life is in will only perpetuate your misery. While things will be hard for awhile, if you stay clean, a year from now your life will be so much different, and you won't be having to undergo this particular type of misery.

It's not to say that just because you stay clean your life won't have difficulties. I still have problems with depression and anxiety, and I want to use too, but it is also amazing to me the positive things that have happened to me since I've been in recovery. For me the key thing is not just staying of drugs, but getting "recovery." For me this has meant counseling and working on the 12 steps. I don't particulary like going to the meetings, I'm not a meeting person, but I have met a few friends that way and it really makes a difference.

I know you've said that the NA there is not good, and I don't know how much you've looked into any AA meetings, but I use AA meetings when an NA meeting cannot work out. I'm not a meeting a day person, but I do have a home group where people know me.

That took some time too. I hardly every went to the same meeting twice, which is not hard to do where I live, since there are so many. But it also kept me from getting to know anyone. The meeting I chose is actually one that seems to cater to misfits. People I feel comfortable with. LOL

Hang in there Clancy, you can do this. Things are only going to get better. I promise.

Juls