back in a slump...

[ladyamalthea]

So, I've been in and out of depression so many times over the years that I've almost gotten to a point where I can feel it coming. And right now I'm not feeling so great... having to make myself detach from my entire biological family is really putting me through the ringer. I'm hurt over their actions as of lately, but I'm still wanting to call my mom, who I was talking to every day for a while, and I'm still wanting so badly to help my sister, but I know there's nothing I can do for her that wouldn't be endangering myself or my husband, and we are being made out to be the bad guys because we won't hide her while she is running from the cops. I feel so selfish saying this, but why should I risk losing everything I own and all I have worked for, my career, my marriage, my life as I know it, and possibly end up in jail for up to five years, because she is hiding from the cops? I know it would only be until she gets into detox on Friday, but still. So I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I do feel guilty for allowing my husband to tell her no. Not a good combination. I hope this grief will mellow out soon, but for now I am going through massive crying stages every few hours and just feeling blah the rest of the time.

Please be praying for me... This is the worse I have felt in a long, long time.

[ranae1221]

Making the right (or healthy) choice doesn't mean it will be easy.

What have you been able to do in the past when you feel the "black" coming back? Do you see your doc anytime soon?

I don't think it is at all selfish to not want to put your life/everything you have worked towards at risk. If your family and sister really cared about you, they wouldn't be putting you in this predicament to begin with, especially if it means you could risk getting into legal trouble. At least that's my opinion.

Hope things are a little better tomorrow. *hugs*

[keepinon]

Addiction tore my husbands family appart becuz they never acknowledged it. With my daughter, I have learned to be much more honest about it. It is very hard to give kids equal attn. when you feel like one is constantly knocking on deaths door. That being said, everyone in the family needs recovery. Alanon has helped me alot. My son chooses not to go, but knows it is there (his girlfriend went w/me and really enjoyed it). It really can rip the family apart.. I totally sympathize with your feeling neglected. For your own sanity I really suggest alanon.So many people are in your shoes, it's nice 2 b w/kindred spirits.

[ladyamalthea]

Jessica: you're right; I probably do need to go ahead and make an appointment to see my doctor, or a psychiatrist, or both.

Keepinon: I just looked at al-anon's website, and it looks like the soonest meeting I could get to would be tuesday night. I guess that's where I'll be then...

and my poor husband is trying so hard to be supportive right now! He's usually a bit of a jerk, but since Friday he has been reminding me more and more of how much he loves me and how this will get better and just plain being there. I'm so thankful for him. But it's not enough, because he is as new to this as I am (we got married right when my sister's addiction was at its worst, so he knows the basics, but that's all).