mimi54321

So I have a friend that has a long history with drugs and alcohol. She has been sober from booze for 4 months but is still smoking weed every evening.

Recently she has got so depressed she can barely get out of bed and I just don't know what to do or say to help her. We have been going to meetings together for a while but now she won't even get out of bed for that and barely answers her phone. I've told her to go to her GP and ask about anti-depressants but she says she can't take SSRI's or Mirtazapine as they have a bad reaction on them.

She hates her body (she's put on a fair bit of weight) and she has candida which means she has to avoid all sugar meaning she has to follow a strict diet or she gets a terrible bloated stomach.

I feel so helpless and am so worried she will start drinking again. She won't use a computer (I've told her about SR) and has lost any self-esteem she had.

Any advice would be gratefully received!

Ceres

That's an awful place to be. :-( It's like watching someone morph into a zombie before our very eyes.

"The Marijuana Maintenance Plan" Some alcoholics/addicts use doesn't seem to work out that well in the end! From what I've seen. If she's still manages to get to meetings or therapy or whatever she's doing to stay sorta sober - Then maybe it's just something she's going through. Four months is early. - As long as she's still in treatment.

If she's not treating her addiction/alcoholism - Then it's a time bomb at this point. Maybe get a few of you girlfriends together to have a friendly intervention of sorts? A stern "Get off your @ss, we are all worried about you" talk? For starters.

Ceres

I should just go to bed 'cause this is the second time I replied without READING! <duh> So she's not doing meetings. gotcha! More friends or family need to get involved. :-) The more the merrier at this point now that I think about it!

ranae1221

There are lots of antidepressants out there, and there are other options than just an SSRI or Mirtazapine (also known as Remeron). One important reason she should see her doc is to rule out any medical cause for her symptoms of depression too. Many times there can be something medical going on that looks like depression.

When I was at the worst of my depression, I required hospitalization. If you feel she is a danager to herself, don't hesitate to seek help for her.

I believe you are in the UK? According to the title under your name. Here's some info I found online:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/friendship-and-mental-health/booklet-and-posters/keeping-us-going/faqs/?locale=en



Info on different antidepressants:

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/treatments/antidepressants


Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares about her! Let us know how she is doing.

mimi54321

Thanks so much for your replies. It so hard because she just lies in bed regretting what she's done with her life due to her alcohol and drug abuse. She's 47 and never had kids and regrets that massively. She's lost most of her friends because of it and estranged much of her family.

Gah I feel so helpless. I will talk to her about AD's and persuade her to go to her doctor. Its hard to comfort someone that sees the whole of their life a disaster but there's no point in her going over it again and again, she needs to look forward and move on from the past because what's done is done....etc etc.

Ceres

Watch yourself carefully too. Someone pointed out to me early on that one trait we alkies have is being "lifesavers" Getting emeshed with other people and their problems. Easier to give the warning then to heed it myself. That's for sure.

Don't let her drag you down!

Lilya

This is really difficult to deal with, Mimi.

I agree with Alizerin that taking some friends to see her might be a good idea, but tread carefully. It seems like a huge depression to me as well. I´ve seen it happen many times with old friends and family members.

Remember, you can help and urge her to get out of isolation, but she has to have the will to get herself together. Do what you can for her, but then let go. Don´t get too much involved.

I have a suggestion: How about giving her a self help book? She probably has low self-esteem and might need to boost that. Tell her to make a list of things she really wants to do the next ten years, places she might like to visit, projects to work on, a fitness program, some volunteer work she would like to get involved with. She needs projects to give her purpose in life, self worth and to be in contact with other people.

Hope it helps