FuzzyFatSacks

Hi, all. There doesn't appear to be a section for advice about friends/family of those with mental disorders so I thought I'd start here.

My boyfriend was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in the last year and has been hospitalized twice in the past 6 months over this. He is working on getting medicated properly, but it's been a lot of trial and error thus far.

Every few months he suffers a bad "episode" and has auditory hallucinations and extreme paranoia. The voices tell him to harm himself and he acted on it prior to his last hospital stay. Thankfully I came home in time and was able to stop him.

Since the last stint in the hospital he's seemed fantastic, but last night had an episode that really concerned me because he was ready to go to the hospital again. He has only been at his current job for 5 months and already had one week-long hospital stay. My concern is that if he deals with every episode by going to the hospital that he's going to lose his job. This would be detrimental to both of us because we live together.

The episodes do pass after several hours so I didn't want him to go to the hospital and end up stuck there for another five days which would seriously risk his job. He got mad at me and said I cared more about his job than I did for his well being, which is not true. I was there to watch him and make sure he didn't do anything to himself so I figured it would be okay if we didn't go.

The reason I am posting is because I really don't know what the correct way to deal with this is. When he's having an episode there isn't anything I can do to make it stop. When things are getting bad and he says he wants to go to the hospital do I do it? He's not in his right mind during the episodes so I question if he really knows what is best for him.

It's scary and I'm at a loss. I do my best to be there for him if he wants to talk about what's going on during the episode. When he's having one I am sure to be with him at ALL times just in case he does decide to act on what the voices tell him. Otherwise...what can I do? I just don't know.

Thanksfully, he managed to get to sleep last night and was perfectly fine. The episode passed and he was thankful that I didn't listen to him about going to the hospital. This is all very confusing and new to me...

suki44883

You boyfriend is blessed to have someone like you around who cares for him. Have you talked with his doctor? Perhaps he/she could help you understand these episodes and give advice on how to deal with them and when it is necessary for him to go to the hospital. I know it can be a scary time. My daughter had auditory hallucinations and practiced self-harm for a few years, so I know how frightening it can be. I think a talk with his doctor would help. Mega hugs to you.

Edit to add: I also read everything I could find online about this disorder. It really did help me understand a lot of things.

FuzzyFatSacks

Thanks, Suki. My boyfriend spoke to his doctor this morning (after I wrote my post) and his doctor admonished him for letting me talk him into not going to the hospital. Of course, now I'm wary about speaking to the doctor, but I guess I should. He will have better insight than anyone.

I'm going to reserach online also. Good suggestions all around. Thanks for listening/reading

coffeeclub

I fear for your safety. He is lucky to have someone to stick by him. I totally understand your feelings about him not losing his job. I totally believe you when you say that you do not care more about his job than him. I understand how important money is.

Because he can get violent I would take him in to the hospital. One day you might not be able to control him.

But it's hard for me to say because he needs you but I am so worried that he could hurt you. I am not saying to leave him but maybe living separate might be the best. There is no one around at mid night except you and him and that sets an alarm off for me.

Try not worry about the job. Money does have a way of working out. Even though the math says different

Good luck and above all be safe.

FuzzyFatSacks

I have never thought about him hurting me. Since this started, all of his auditory hallucinations have been telling him to harm himself and never another person, but I suppose that could change. If he ever were to do anything to me, I don't know if our relationship would survive...even though I know he would NEVER do anything to me if he wasn't having an episode. That said, I'm not going to worry about him harming me until I have to.

I talked to my bf a moment ago and I am going to come with him to his next doctors appointment so that I can get some insight on what to do during the episodes. I also learned about a 24 hour emergency mental health facility that can be used to stabilize him during an episode. If they can't stabilize him, they send him to the hospital. This is a much better option than taking him to the emergency room which pretty much guarantees him a 5 day stay.

Coffee, you're right about money having a way of working itself out. I could afford everything on my own, but it would be a big lifestyle adjustment and struggle for me. I feel so selfish even thinking about his job/money when he's having an episode because his health IS the most important thing. It's so hard to know what is right to do when so many factors come into play.

I'm hopeful that speaking with the doctor results in something positive and not scolding me for not taking him to the hospital last night.

suki44883

I doubt the doctor will scold you. I'm sure he knows that this is an unusual situation and that you don't have any experience with it.

That clinic sounds great!

FuzzyFatSacks

The clinic does sound great! Apparently during the Kennedy administration they made it mandatory that each county have a emergency mental health clinic. Things I wish I knew months ago!

Ceres

With his medical history. Disability may be an option? Maybe work stresses him out anyway. Mental illness is tricky to get approved. However, a friend of mine had no troubles because of the medical history. Hard for them to argue against multiple hospitals stays and diagnosis like that.

A plus, he'll be available for housecleaning and laundry!

suki44883

That's a thought. My daughter was able to get SSI...not full disability, since she'd never worked, but Social Security Insurance that took care of medical, dental and eyecare needs. She also gets a check each month to help with expenses. It's not a lot, but it's much better than nothing coming in at all. If he has proof of all the hospital stays and doctor appointments, that could qualify him. My daughter was able to get it on her first try. I was prepared for a fight, but it was actually pretty easy. Anyway, it's a thought.

FuzzyFatSacks

LOL Alizerin. Having my own personal/free maid would be awesome

We've toyed with the idea of getting him disability and he probably could easily get it because he's got a physical handicap on top of the mental disorder. He had brain cancer when he was a child and it resulted in a lot of problems. Sometimes I wonder if the schizoaffective disorder has anything to do with the tumor he had removed. Where he had the tumor is the area of the brain responsible for auditory things. Makes sense kinda, eh?

He's been hesitant to go for disability because he fears sitting around the house all day doing nothing and going nuts from boredom. Being depressed is what brings on the episodes and I can't imagine him sitting around all day would help his depression. Not sure if there is a disability option where he could work part time...that may be worth looking into though. Work does stress him out. Too much stress actually makes him have seizures He has so many medical things on his plate...it breaks my heart.

Feels good being able to talk about this to someone other than his mother!

suki44883

Well, he wouldn't have to go on full disability. Even if he did, that doesn't mean he'd have to sit around the house and get bored. There's a great big world out there full of things to do and places to go. He could volunteer somewhere, or work part-time, or find other options. The world is big, and so are his options.

Ceres

Volunteer - Exactly. AND you can literally be anything you want to be if you don't wanna get paid to do it. Oh, and if he doesn't like the volunteer work SO what, he just finds another one. No 2-week notice to give. I do. It's a plus side to my codependant issues. ;-)

He sounds like the kind of person disability was MADE for. IMO.

Keep in mind that I have no idea what or who you guys are! So, I'm just whizzing the idea out there.

FuzzyFatSacks

You guys are making me wish I could go on disability LOL!

You're right about there being a world of things to do. He tends to just sit around being a blob without structure, which is the only reason I worry he'd do nothing. But that doesn't mean he couldn't/wouldn't do anything because I really don't know!

Anyhoo, great ideas and thank you both for your thoughts!!

Drapetomaniac

I was dx with schizoaffective disorder at one point. I've moved around a lot in the last five years. Each psychiatrist has given me a different diagnoses. I'm not sure they really know what they're doing.

I have recently been put on disability but plan on returning to the work force because up until a year or about a year and a half ago I had always been working. I worked last year for three months in a restaurant. I just started volunteer work last week. Recently I haven't left my house not out of laziness but because I don't like interacting with other people.

Where I live if you're on disability you can make up to $500 a month without it affecting your benefits. I receive $930 which is very little to live on so it's not all fun and games. Where I live they also recognize that some people can return to the work force but might lose that employment because of their disability. So if you do get full time work and lose your job you don't need to apply again for disability benefits you are just automatically accepted back on. You also keep all your medical benefits while you are working.

I don't like being on disability. Many women have self worth issues around their physical appearance for many men they have those same issues around their income and career. Being on disability or unemployed can cause a man to feel like they're not a man.

My experience with the mental health establishment has been extremely negative, so I avoid the hospital and mental health type people as much as possible.

I don't have hallucinations but I know myself I have never physically harmed another person and I believe I never would.

Ceres

Drape,

That was enlightening. Words from the wise. :-)

FuzzyFatSacks

Drape - Thanks for sharing that. It's nice to hear from someone who has experience with disability.

ranae1221

Another option that might be worth looking into is Vocational Rehab, or voc rehab. They work with persons who have some sort of disability and help with job training, finding a job and keeping a job all while working with the disabilty.

Here's a link with some info in the state of virginia (i think that's where you are, according to the location under your name)

http://www.vadrs.org/vocrehab.htm

Your Path to Work


That is good news about the mental health 24 hour clinic. If only every state had one!

Found

- never combine a romantic interest with a domiciliary one Not for the reason stated above but because it complicates the reasoning out for the other party (you keep saying he doesn't know why you keep mentioning his income) and doesn't look after your economic security (notice to quit, save for a deposit and removal costs, lack of references, etc)

(It's horrifying how many people who fall into that trap like you have done)

- he should request a better anticonvulsant and also should take an interest in neurodiversity - there are loads of people who have had brain differences and written books about it or go on the lecture circuit.

Drapetomaniac

I'll just add, my brother went through a period of unemployability because of severe anxiety and depression. Through natural medicines, therapy and a bit of eastern Buddhist mumbo jumbo he got out of that spot. The whole time he was unemployed his wife rather then seeing it as a 'trap' stayed with him and helped him through it all. They're very happy now. They have a son and are living in a nice home both with jobs. He's a computer programmer and she works for a loan company. I hope it works out as well for you two.

FuzzyFatSacks

Thanks, Drape.

He has his fair share of issues, but so do I! I'm confident that he will get on the correct medication to manage schizoaffective disorder. It's a new thing for both of us (he's been dealing with this for less than a year) and, although I wish he wasn't going through it, I'm glad we're going through it together.

You have all (minus Found) been immensely helpful. Thank you!