Dating Someone with Schizoaffective Disorder
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
I would like to send you a PM but I found this post through Google and only just joined.
My fiance has the same disorder and we're dealing with a lot of the same issues.
If you'd like to discuss, please send me a PM and I will write from my email account.
Thank you.
My fiance has the same disorder and we're dealing with a lot of the same issues.
If you'd like to discuss, please send me a PM and I will write from my email account.
Thank you.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, although personally I don't believe at all that I am. None the less, I have experienced similar symptoms and more than that I have done the hospital thing repeatedly.
The hospital should always be the place of last resort. However, I know for me there was always something comfortable about the idea of being in the hospital when I was having really bad symptoms. Sort of a way to break from a stressful environment.
I would hope that he has a therapist of some sort? This is something I might encourage him to take up with the therapist--hospital dependence.
As for you, you can't stop a psychotic episode. If you can help him stay calm, keep him in a stable place and help him utilize whatever skills the hospital/psych/therapist gave him to ease the symptoms, that's the best you can do.
Keep in mind that he has SA disorder, not you. He needs to make the effort to get the best therapy he can, but you are not a health care provider, okay? You can be a cheerleader, but just don't try and put it on your shoulders.
The hospital should always be the place of last resort. However, I know for me there was always something comfortable about the idea of being in the hospital when I was having really bad symptoms. Sort of a way to break from a stressful environment.
I would hope that he has a therapist of some sort? This is something I might encourage him to take up with the therapist--hospital dependence.
As for you, you can't stop a psychotic episode. If you can help him stay calm, keep him in a stable place and help him utilize whatever skills the hospital/psych/therapist gave him to ease the symptoms, that's the best you can do.
Keep in mind that he has SA disorder, not you. He needs to make the effort to get the best therapy he can, but you are not a health care provider, okay? You can be a cheerleader, but just don't try and put it on your shoulders.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Isaiah 
I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, although personally I don't believe at all that I am. None the less, I have experienced similar symptoms and more than that I have done the hospital thing repeatedly.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Yes. 
The traits I have that are "schizoaffective" overlap with traits that are consistent with borderline personality disorder, which I've been diagnosed with by several doctors and seems to fit me better. I have had only one major psychotic episode in my life and do not have any real mood disorder. I just don't feel I've had such symptoms consistently.
The traits I have that are "schizoaffective" overlap with traits that are consistent with borderline personality disorder, which I've been diagnosed with by several doctors and seems to fit me better. I have had only one major psychotic episode in my life and do not have any real mood disorder. I just don't feel I've had such symptoms consistently.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
I was just curious. My fiance thought he had BPD for a while, and has been diagnosed with a range of things - everything from straight-up depression to all forms of bipolar to finally schizoaffective, which seems to fit. He was an alcoholic for many years but celebrated his three-year anniversary Christmas Day.
His sobriety has been wonderful, but in retrospect his alcohol abuse seemed to be a form of self-medicating the mania/psychosis. In some ways, our relationship is more difficult now than it was when he was drinking. Not that I'm not hugely grateful for his sobriety - I am. I just mean that all of the other issues that were masked by the drinking have become more prominent since he quit, and those issues are, in many ways, more difficult to overcome.
His sobriety has been wonderful, but in retrospect his alcohol abuse seemed to be a form of self-medicating the mania/psychosis. In some ways, our relationship is more difficult now than it was when he was drinking. Not that I'm not hugely grateful for his sobriety - I am. I just mean that all of the other issues that were masked by the drinking have become more prominent since he quit, and those issues are, in many ways, more difficult to overcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11
Hi, you sound like a loving person. That makes such a difference. I have sza, too. I have been married for a year to a loving and understanding man. That has made a huge difference in my stability.
I don't work and am on disability. I keep very busy, too. I do want to mention, however that my sister has sz, too, and she has had a wonderful career.
Do work close with the pdoc. It took me many painful years of stubborness because I would not work with the pdoc.
Terri
I don't work and am on disability. I keep very busy, too. I do want to mention, however that my sister has sz, too, and she has had a wonderful career.
Do work close with the pdoc. It took me many painful years of stubborness because I would not work with the pdoc.
Terri
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 10
I am in a similar boat to FuzzyFatSacks. I have a boyfriend that was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder shortly after we started going out (July 2010). We also lived together and are planning on living together again. In the beginning of the relationship we were both really into alcohol and drugs, him having drug/alcohol problems since the age of 16. This past October he finally got help and went to rehab. I no longer do drugs and barely drink. His schizoaffective symptoms while still present are much less pronounced due to his lack of drug/alcohol abuse and a better management of meds. I was wondering if anyone still active in the forum would like to talk about this further because it would be really nice to have someone to talk to because the only people that know about my boyfriend's schizoaffective history and addiction problems are his family and myself. Things have been getting better but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone who could relate.
Also on the social security issue, my boyfriend has difficulty keeping jobs due to hallucinations and the idea that people are out to get him. He recieves a check of $700 a month and was recently told that he could work on top of that yet it can't surpass a certain amount. There is also rental assistance out there for those on SSI, however legally one must live alone I believe unless they are married in order to recieve these benefits. I'm really proud of him and he really wants to work he just needs to find the right fit in a job.
Also on the social security issue, my boyfriend has difficulty keeping jobs due to hallucinations and the idea that people are out to get him. He recieves a check of $700 a month and was recently told that he could work on top of that yet it can't surpass a certain amount. There is also rental assistance out there for those on SSI, however legally one must live alone I believe unless they are married in order to recieve these benefits. I'm really proud of him and he really wants to work he just needs to find the right fit in a job.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I think it's time to have a face-to-face conversation with your boyfriend about what HE wants you to do, laying out the consequences if he has an inpatient stay. But in the end it has to be HIS wishes, not yours.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 3
re: dating someone with schizoaffective disorder
hi! i am proud of you for being there for him. with the stigma and the discrimination surrounding mental health problems, im glad that you're not and have never been embarrassed by his disorder.
you know, i agree with you: his brain surgery might have caused him to have the MI. i am currently employed in a mental b/c and one of our residents was hit by his neighbor with a baseball bat on his head when he was 8, and that triggered his schizoaffective d/o, and also because he came from a broken family, so that added to it. he is now 30 yrs old.
i am in a complicated situation, and i am glad that i found this forum page. one of the residents at the board and care where i work at likes me. he's been asking me out on a date, giving me nice things and is really a funny and charming guy. the thing is, he is the resident i was talking about. and i hate to admit it, but i think im falling for him too. whenever we talk, he seems to be sound in mind, and i yet have to see him having his episodes. he told me that he sees himself living in his own place in a few months from now, with a job and married to me haha...i really wish i can tell him to move out so i wont get into trouble at my job, or change the situation i am in. im also glad that im not the only one who is involved with someone who has a mental disorder.
i suggest you try applying SSI for him. believe it or not, the amount that our residents collect is enough to pay a 1 BR apt here in Los Angeles. i wish you all the best.
you know, i agree with you: his brain surgery might have caused him to have the MI. i am currently employed in a mental b/c and one of our residents was hit by his neighbor with a baseball bat on his head when he was 8, and that triggered his schizoaffective d/o, and also because he came from a broken family, so that added to it. he is now 30 yrs old.
i am in a complicated situation, and i am glad that i found this forum page. one of the residents at the board and care where i work at likes me. he's been asking me out on a date, giving me nice things and is really a funny and charming guy. the thing is, he is the resident i was talking about. and i hate to admit it, but i think im falling for him too. whenever we talk, he seems to be sound in mind, and i yet have to see him having his episodes. he told me that he sees himself living in his own place in a few months from now, with a job and married to me haha...i really wish i can tell him to move out so i wont get into trouble at my job, or change the situation i am in. im also glad that im not the only one who is involved with someone who has a mental disorder.
i suggest you try applying SSI for him. believe it or not, the amount that our residents collect is enough to pay a 1 BR apt here in Los Angeles. i wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manchester NH
Posts: 3
I finally found someone who knows about this
. I have been with my boyfriend who has shizoaffective disorder for five years. I cover for him protect and go along with his delusions. I had to move out of his condo. I love him dearly and it broke my heart. But he will not take his meds consistently. my bf is different.. he hates to go to the hospital even if he needs it. Maybe your boyfriend misunderstood your intentions. My boyfriends talks about quitting his job every day and I spend half the night talking him down from that. Im mentally exhausted. hes letting his suspicions get in the way of work. maybe your boyfriend his having trouble with his coworkers. try asking him to tell you about the other people at work
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manchester NH
Posts: 3
also, I think you are both protected under the family medical leave act. If you get that fmla paper work. He cant get fired for taking time off. I know because I work and I have to use it if I have to go to in patient treatment again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2
Stigma in schizoaffective
It is important not to confuse auditory hullucinations with voices of people around with schizophrenia. They may be more aware of the people around you than you are. For example, a person making a violent threat while you are talking to someone with the sz. Imagine, you are talking. It is sad to me to see so many posts for people committing suicide. I have schizoaffective and I know how badly people with the disease/disorder are treated. People threaten me, agitate me, depress me, coax me into attacking violently against others even if only to lock me up. And this is not paranoia. This is the Bay Area. Haha. No joke. I'm confused only being one person and with if auditory hullucinations are confused between what is not overly attentive. If you're watching the tv and the neighbor is talking ****. If the radio is on so you don't hear the other people talking on the highway. And to that, if I cannot hear people on the highway but I just hallucinate. But please know this. As soon as someone catches wind that your loved one is living with schizophrenia, even alone, they treat him differently. They talk ****, they make their make him commit suicide attempt, homocide attempt. Their making him sad or grand. My guess is that you are not as affected or aware or aware or affected of and by the world around you as is the schizoaffective person in your life. Be aware of your surroundings. Being diagnosed with auditory hullucinations can be confusing. It is easy to tell the person the voices are hullucinations than to learn to deal with the world around you. Take this from someone who was a quick second away from being coaxed into violently attacking a man who was aledgey beating his wife to have me taken away from a place my ex was not aware enough of or competent in dealing with the disorder in to take us through that place into happiness forever. Be aware.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by sunshineandrain
I am in a similar boat to FuzzyFatSacks. I have a boyfriend that was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder shortly after we started going out (July 2010). We also lived together and are planning on living together again. In the beginning of the relationship we were both really into alcohol and drugs, him having drug/alcohol problems since the age of 16. This past October he finally got help and went to rehab. I no longer do drugs and barely drink. His schizoaffective symptoms while still present are much less pronounced due to his lack of drug/alcohol abuse and a better management of meds. I was wondering if anyone still active in the forum would like to talk about this further because it would be really nice to have someone to talk to because the only people that know about my boyfriend's schizoaffective history and addiction problems are his family and myself. Things have been getting better but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone who could relate.
Also on the social security issue, my boyfriend has difficulty keeping jobs due to hallucinations and the idea that people are out to get him. He recieves a check of $700 a month and was recently told that he could work on top of that yet it can't surpass a certain amount. There is also rental assistance out there for those on SSI, however legally one must live alone I believe unless they are married in order to recieve these benefits. I'm really proud of him and he really wants to work he just needs to find the right fit in a job.
Also on the social security issue, my boyfriend has difficulty keeping jobs due to hallucinations and the idea that people are out to get him. He recieves a check of $700 a month and was recently told that he could work on top of that yet it can't surpass a certain amount. There is also rental assistance out there for those on SSI, however legally one must live alone I believe unless they are married in order to recieve these benefits. I'm really proud of him and he really wants to work he just needs to find the right fit in a job.
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