Quick advice, please

[Lilya]

I have a difficult meeting tomorrow. I belong to a group of women and we explore cultural, esotheric and philosophical meanings. Lately, there has been a tension between me and one of the women who is older than me. She is deeply religious and belongs to an organized religious group. She is always preaching and talking about how much she sacrifises herself for everyone, including us. She is a typical victim, I believe. I have always told her I don´t like preachings, and particularily not the religious kind. When she had driven me crazy with her preaching, I told her kindly that I didn´t think we could do much work together, because I felt there was a tension between us. I told her then that I didn´t want to be too much in her company, although I didn´t doubt she is a good person.

She needs me to like her, for some reason, and keeps calling and is endlessly complicate the matter by saying I judge her, I hate religious people, I think this and that, etc. Now she has asked another woman in the group, the founder, to meet me tomorrow and settle the argument between us, otherwise she won´t come to more meetings or finish a project we have been working on. I don´t care, because that is her choice, but the founder has asked me to please come and talk to both of them.

Any advice? I know I will leave this group like a bat out of hell, but first we have an important social thing to do for juvenile delinguents, and I won´t give that up, because three years of work goes down the drain. I feel trapped.

Use adversity

[Juls]

Lilya,

You are trapped. Between doing doing something that is uncomfortable for you, and feeling like you should do something that someones else wants/expects of you.

These are good learning situations for us. I don't think there is a particularly right or wrong way to handle this. Either way, you will learn something about yourself.

If you go to the meeting, perhaps some resolution could come of it, or not. If you don't go you'll never know. Your right in that whatever this woman decides to do is her business, so don't get trapped into feeling guilty if you don't want to go the meeting that you caused her not to come to the groups anymore.

I do not want to advise you to go or not to go, but to examine your own feelings as pertains to each situation and see what you can learn from it.

Juls

[Lilya]

Juls,

I will go to this meeting. The juvenile program is after all too important to me. It means making amends for things I did in my youth and for me takes precedence.

I will try to use what I have learned in the program. I´ll try to avoid arguments, judging and will try to keep a neutral ground. It´s true that I might learn something about myself by going.

I will not get into manipulation and controlling games.

I´m calm and have prepared myself. One of the slogans I love most in the program is "Working the problem to the best of my abilities and leaving the rest to my Higher Power." It will imply letting go and trusting the process.

Thanks for taking time to answer me.

Use adversity