starting to sink again,Help?

[satanicpitbull]

Hello everyone! First of all I have never used this board,the only boards I have used are the 12 step boards to deal with my addiction,let me tell you a little about me...my name is john and I started to do drugs at 12 yrs old,I had a very abusive stepfather who beat me from the time I was five until I was 16 and started fighting back,there is major depression issues in my family,my grand mother,she had serious nervous breakdowns,my mom was so depressed at times that she couldnt get off the couch for six months at a time.November,12th of last year I decided to get "clean"once again...this time when talkin with the shrink at the treatment center she suggested that I look into Depression,well I took some tests and as it turns out I do have major depression issues,I was givin a script of paxil,I figured that if I am treating the addiction I may as well treat the depression I dont want to get clean just to relapse because im depressed,anyway I started on the paxil about six months ago and things were going very well at first,I was clean from drug use and I wasent depressed anymore...I was learning about another person that was hiding inside of me,it was great for a time,then lately I have felt myself starting to fall backwards...sinking again...gettin really sad and not motivated at all...there are things I should be doin as a husband and a father and I am finding that I am reallystuck again...I cant stand this,I want to be motivated to live,to work,to be happy with the family and I really dont want to relapse. I feel so sad at times that I just want to cry for no reason,I am going to try to get more help with this but I am not going to see my shrink untill next month so in the meantime if anybody can help I would aprieciate it...Thank you...JOHN

Welcome John,

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. Would it be possible to get into your doctor sooner or at least call him. Sometimes the medication needs to be adjusted.

I also suffer from depression and can be down and cry for just no reason at all. Other times I find that I have past issues coming to the surface that I need to deal with. I really have a hard time with motivation too.

Try to get some excercise. Take 15 minute walks or go for runs.

Please continue to share how you feel. Keeping it in can make it worse. We are all here to listen. Call the doctor.

Hugs,
MG

[Lilya]

Hello John and welcome.

I hope you have by now seen your doctor and that you feel a bit better.

I agree with MG, sometimes it takes awhile to get your medication adjusted. Try to get some exercise and above all, don´t tackle all your problems at once. These are very difficult subjects and needs to be tackled one by one.

Recovery is a process that has a time of it´s own. I have been clean and sober for 17 years and I´m constantly challenged in my recovery. I was heavily into drugs in my youth and started using about the same age as you. I had to do jail time as well. I find it miraculous how I got my life together, but it was a long process that demands constant vigilance and respect. I relied on my Higher Power and my inner strenght. I never thought I would be able to get things together, but I did.

It was when I stopped hoping I would be happy as a sober person and made my goal contentment and peace of mind.

Please tell me how you´re doing. I understand your pain. But it will not last.

Use adversity