It makes no flippin' sense! :(

[Rancorous]

Does anyone else just get really upset and quiet/reclusive when they like someone instead of happy? I know I do. I think my mental illness causes me to react "strangely" to things sometimes. :\

[Astro]

I'm guessing you're talking about when we have a romantic interest in someone else?

In the past I would quickly take on the emotions of jealousy and possessiveness when I was interested in a member of the opposite sex. That made for very difficult relationships and marriages, I was always angry at someone and filled with distrust. I understand that now to mean that I have insecurities and low self-esteem patterns that I need to be aware of and work on.

I found the program of Codependents Anonymous to be extremely helpful when it comes to having healthy relationships with others and healthy behavior patterns.

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by Astro

I'm guessing you're talking about when we have a romantic interest in someone else?

In the past I would quickly take on the emotions of jealousy and possessiveness when I was interested in a member of the opposite sex. That made for very difficult relationships and marriages, I was always angry at someone and filled with distrust. I understand that now to mean that I have insecurities and low self-esteem patterns that I need to be aware of and work on.

I found the program of Codependents Anonymous to be extremely helpful when it comes to having healthy relationships with others and healthy behavior patterns.

Yeah, I know I have issues, and i'm not necessarily talking about romantic relationships, that was just the thing that was on my mind at that particular time (long, stupid story...) I just react "weird" to things sometimes and i'm sure a lot of the other people here have been through something like that as well.

And, yes, I ALWAYS get jealous/possessive of a person even though I know I shouldn't but I feel crappy about it because I know its not right to want to control them. I still can't help being suspicious about every little thing though, it drives me bananas. I just get sad though too, the whole entire experience is full of misery. I just want to crawl under a rock and die, or otherwise harm myself. I don't want to be put through all this bullshit again. I never expect anything good to come out of anything, or for it to even progress far enough to be an official relationship. I dunno, i'll get over this eventually, just musing. :\

[Astro]

I hear ya, but I have to say that I never just "got over it", I had to start working on it, otherwise I'd keep exhibiting the same behavior over and over and over. Counseling, CoDA meetings, self-help books, etc. I'm still a work-in-progress.

When I learned to love myself, then I was available to love others. It went from being a miserable experience to being an amazing journey. With some speed bumps of course.

[ClayTheScribe]

Ranc,

I want to second that on loving yourself, once you can achieve that, relationships come. I haven't achieved that yet and as a result I'm taking a hiatus from dating or finding a romantic relationship until I can get myself together better. And yes, I understand the want to go a hide when you're interested in someone, it's a way to want to protect yourself from rejection and hurt feelings. That's a big reason why I haven't had a relationship since I was 16. But you have to work on dealing with those feelings and anxiety and take chances, not that I'm one to talk. If it makes it easier, don't think of this person as someone you like or build them up before talking to them, just think of them as a person you want to chat with. Then, if it's meant to be, you'll form a friendship and maybe later a relationship. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

And don't put yourself down for being weird. One, part of that is your illness, but two, I like weird, I prefer weird to normal, weird people are more interesting. And, what the heck is "normal" these days anyway? Don't put yourself down, for the most part, when talking to people you like, it's a turn-off, at least from my experience.

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

If it makes it easier, don't think of this person as someone you like or build them up before talking to them, just think of them as a person you want to chat with. Then, if it's meant to be, you'll form a friendship and maybe later a relationship. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

And don't put yourself down for being weird. One, part of that is your illness, but two, I like weird, I prefer weird to normal, weird people are more interesting. And, what the heck is "normal" these days anyway? Don't put yourself down, for the most part, when talking to people you like, it's a turn-off, at least from my experience.

Oi, the person I like is someone i've already been friends with for years, he moved though, so this whole thing is stupid to begin with and I keep trying to call irrelavance on it, but my stupid brain won't let me forget about it. He calls every so often. Hes talked about visiting before, but i'll believe that when it happens. Hence, i'll get over it. In the mean time, I get to feel crappy for a while.

I also don't normally talk about myself, I usually talk about whatever things are going on, then run out of material, and scuttle away. Haha. I don't really hate myself unless I hate myself sometimes.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Rancorous

I don't really hate myself unless I hate myself sometimes.

I can relate to that. It's a weird sort of logic though. I think there's a way of being self-critical without doing something as destructive as hating yourself. Hating myself has brought me nothing but pain and suffering. But really there's no need to hate yourself anyway. So you like a guy and he doesn't reciprocate? Time to move on, especially onto a guy that's closer and who will treat you right. Don't think you're unlovable because you don't love yourself, though that would certainly help to attract people. It's a hard process though, I'm still working on it.

[Rancorous]

Well, I think he thinks of me more in familial terms than in terms of being a friend or girlfriend, honestly, I think its just me being confused because I havn't run into anyone of interest lately, haha. As far as I know, i'm one of the only people he actually talks to, he tends to be reclusive as well. But anyway, yeah, I know I should move on. >_<