My First Few Weeks Of School

[Rancorous]

I havn't posted regularly in a while so I guess you all are going to get an update whether you want it or not. I recently started attending college again. I had very high hopes.

So far so good as far as grades go, my goals are currently being met in regards to that. Straight Bs so far. I'm taking a few courses I anticipated would be very difficult for me. Bs are nothing to sneeze at, especially when taking that into consideration.

However, I thought I would make some friends, or at the very least, acquaintances. I've been there for nearly six weeks. I havn't found anyone i'm overly enamored with and want to see more of. I also am not inclined to waltz up to people and start chattering inanely either. I tend to let people come to me. This is where i'm a little disappointed, not surprised by this type of thing, just a little disappointed. Disappointed is the only word I can think of to even come close to whatever i'm feeling or not feeling. People are acting exactly like I thought they would. So maybe i'm not disappointed at all. Like I said, i'm not a people person, being alone is not a new thing to me, nor does it really bother me.

It seems some people know who I am from being in class with me. They point me out in conversation with their friends. I can hear what they're saying. They probably don't think I listen in on things or don't think I can hear them from where they're standing. Basically, people think i'm crazy as hell. I don't have a name either i'm just "that girl" I don't respond. I don't care enough to respond.

My previous school was of the Catholic variety. This is the first time people havn't been asking too many questions, trying to get into my business. There hasn't been a large-scale humanitarian movement to get me to take my meds and get me to go to counseling. I've enjoyed that. I kind of like being invisible.

Its getting relatively late, so, none of this probably makes a bit of sense, but oh well, you all can deal. I'm sure someone out there has posted weirder things.

[Bamboozle]

Hello, Ran.


Why not step out of your comfort zone and talk to random people? Not with any intentions...just strike up a conversation for the sake of talking. "I really like your shoes" is a good one...sometimes even if the shoes are crappy.

Talk to people in the grocery store. Anywhere. I do that sometimes when I don't feel like hiding. As long as I don't run into someone who wants to tell me a life story it's all good.

What are you interested in? There has to be some groups you can check out around campus or in the surrounding area.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Rancorous

I havn't posted regularly in a while so I guess you all are going to get an update whether you want it or not. I recently started attending college again. I had very high hopes.

So far so good as far as grades go, my goals are currently being met in regards to that. Straight Bs so far. I'm taking a few courses I anticipated would be very difficult for me. Bs are nothing to sneeze at, especially when taking that into consideration.

However, I thought I would make some friends, or at the very least, acquaintances. I've been there for nearly six weeks. I havn't found anyone i'm overly enamored with and want to see more of. I also am not inclined to waltz up to people and start chattering inanely either. I tend to let people come to me. This is where i'm a little disappointed, not surprised by this type of thing, just a little disappointed. Disappointed is the only word I can think of to even come close to whatever i'm feeling or not feeling. People are acting exactly like I thought they would. So maybe i'm not disappointed at all. Like I said, i'm not a people person, being alone is not a new thing to me, nor does it really bother me.

It seems some people know who I am from being in class with me. They point me out in conversation with their friends. I can hear what they're saying. They probably don't think I listen in on things or don't think I can hear them from where they're standing. Basically, people think i'm crazy as hell. I don't have a name either i'm just "that girl" I don't respond. I don't care enough to respond.

My previous school was of the Catholic variety. This is the first time people havn't been asking too many questions, trying to get into my business. There hasn't been a large-scale humanitarian movement to get me to take my meds and get me to go to counseling. I've enjoyed that. I kind of like being invisible.

Its getting relatively late, so, none of this probably makes a bit of sense, but oh well, you all can deal. I'm sure someone out there has posted weirder things.

Ranc, I'm exactly the same way. I'm shy and I don't like approaching people. That has caused problems in not making friends and not getting girlfriends. The best thing I can recommend is to get on Facebook, join groups, find people with whom you have common interests. I've found several friends on Facebook. I honestly didn't make many friends from classes. I met people outside of school. Join clubs at your college, there's plenty. Join the newspaper. Join a therapy or support group at the school. Be a part of a group. Go volunteer--that's especially helpful for depression. Don't be disappointed you haven't made friends yet, or beat yourself up, you've only been there six weeks.

And people are likely to think you're crazy if you don't start taking your meds and going to therapy. That's just the way it is. But that is something you can control. Some people will just plain write you off as crazy and there's nothing you can do about it. You don't want to be friends with them anyway, they're too judgmental and f*cked up for their own good. There will be people that will like you for you, crazy or not, some because you're crazy, but don't expect them to approach you hiding in your shell, paranoid of the world, seeing yourself as an outsider. Being "invisible" and not socializing will only make you look crazier and make you feel crazier, trust me. Also, try asking questions and participating in class, people have often found me interesting that way and approached me to be friends. Also, exercise on a regular basis if you don't already. That will help with your depression and you will attract more people.

Congrats on the grades. Bs are great considering your mental illness. When you do make friends, and you will, make sure your classes take precedence over friends, partying, extracurricular activities, etc. Please, have more fun in college than I did. Don't lock yourself in when you don't have to.

Good luck

[eoghanacht]

Rancorous, you sound exactly like me. In a way. That's how I am. I'm not in College, although I did attend college a couple of years ago for a woodwoking course (got a certificate out of it, at least), and I just kept myself to myself, I know I should'nt really, but it's the way I am or feel.. for me, I think it's the way I see Society (crap, going nowhere, getting worse, etc), and also from my schooldays (bad).
I would talk to one or two people in my class at college, but only if I could see that they were non-threatening or not egotistical.
Oh well.


take care

[DonneIslanding]

Agree with the points above. There are often a lot of common interest groups on college campuses; try looking around for one that fits an activity or purpose that you've enjoyed or found interesting before.

Knowing that you have common ground with other folks will make it a lot easier to strike up conversations. Some folks may still be indifferent or even rude but some will be genuinely friendly and open to making new acquaintances.

Keep up the great work on your studies!

[Rancorous]

I actually have joined facebook as an icebreaker type thing, no real luck and no one from the school has bothered looking me up, but eh. I'm a quiet person and I really don't like having too many people around. I've got a few established friends, but the only problem is that many of them are either married and exclude me in a lot of things because i'm single and unmarried or they moved and are far away. I'm almost exclusively on my own at all times. I could stand to make friends that could be around. I dunno. I feel like my illness makes things a lot more difficult then they should be.

Just went to my doctor today and i'm back on my pills as of this afternoon...I need to switch to a different one though. She only sees me for like five minutes, i've told her time and time again that you can't prescribe things to people without even talking to them. Shes also supposed to communicate with my therapist. (I've also brought the issue up with my therapist) I've seen no evidence of that. She only works three days a week. On her three days of "work" she is only in her office until one in the afternoon and often cancels abruptly. Honestly, the only reason why i'm still at that office is because I can't seem to find another therapist/doctor who will take my insurance.

Anyway, thank you to all who replied.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Rancorous

I actually have joined facebook as an icebreaker type thing, no real luck and no one from the school has bothered looking me up, but eh. I'm a quiet person and I really don't like having too many people around. I've got a few established friends, but the only problem is that many of them are either married and exclude me in a lot of things because i'm single and unmarried or they moved and are far away. I'm almost exclusively on my own at all times. I could stand to make friends that could be around. I dunno. I feel like my illness makes things a lot more difficult then they should be.

I know what you mean. I'm looking for a job and it's a lot more distressing/discouraging than it should be. That's why I have to exercise and eat better, to feel good enough just to get out of bed. Again, don't wait for people to look you up on Facebook, you'll never make friends that way. Join some groups on there with interests you're into and e-mail a member who lives nearby you or goes to school with you and say, "Hey, I saw you were a member of _______ group and I was wondering how long you've been interested in _______?" Maybe even tell them you're trying to make friends. Most people will at least reply. I think you're problem is you've grown too accustomed to your loneliness. You gotta break outta that box if you want to be happier.

Just went to my doctor today and i'm back on my pills as of this afternoon...I need to switch to a different one though. She only sees me for like five minutes, i've told her time and time again that you can't prescribe things to people without even talking to them. Shes also supposed to communicate with my therapist. (I've also brought the issue up with my therapist) I've seen no evidence of that. She only works three days a week. On her three days of "work" she is only in her office until one in the afternoon and often cancels abruptly. Honestly, the only reason why i'm still at that office is because I can't seem to find another therapist/doctor who will take my insurance.

Anyway, thank you to all who replied.

Good for you getting back on the pills. At least they'll give you some semblance of normalcy. Are you seeing a GP doctor or a psychiatrist? That could be your problem right there. I spent about 30-45 minutes with my psychiatrist. You should be seeing a psychiatrist because they actually know what the hell they're talking about when it comes to psych meds, rather than a general doctor. You're right, she should be talking to you more than 5 minutes. Sounds like you need a shrink and a new therapist. Go to your insurance company's website and look for a psychiatrist and a therapist there. It'll give you a list of people who can take your insurance.

Good luck.

[Captain Kirk]

hi!
i relate to allot of what you said.
i'm a shy misanthropist introverted loner too.
i'm happy to sit in my room all day infront my my comp. playing my guitar. reading books. listining to music. ect etc.
i've reccently moved to a new country to work. i've been here about 6 months now and haven't made any friends or even acquaintences at all. i don't anybody even knows my name here! however as you say, i also like feeling invisable.
even at work my co-workers don't really even talk to me unless it's really neccessary. u tried making conversation with them but we soon ran out of things to talk.
i didn't have any friends left where i used to live either (my alcohol/drug antics scared them all away from me) and i don't think i've made ANY new friends at all in the past 10 years.
none of it really matters to me. sure, i occasionally feel lonely for a day or two (perhaps once every 3 or 4 weeks or so) but i'm used to it.
i don't know if you actually want to have friends in college. personally i'd like to have a few friends. not a lot. just a few. but in an ideal world i'd like my friends to be people you can have proper conversations with. not just people you hang out with for fun.
but because everybody i've ever befriended has let me down i don't want to take the risk of becoming friends with yet another unrelaible human.
i've had few true friends in my life. and they've all been transitory. and when our friendships have ended (sometimes for no reason. sometimes people just drift appart i think) i've always been saddened because i was stupid enough to have cared and to have continued about them even after our friendships were tainting.
begining to ramble on a bit now. lol. but basically what i wanted to say was i relate with you.

[Captain Kirk]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

I'm shy and I don't like approaching people. That has caused problems in not making friends and not getting girlfriends.

yes. i hadn't been getting any girlfriends either. lol. they wern't paying any attention to me at all. so i've stopped looking. man. i can't even remember the last time i had sex
the thing is though that now my self-confidence is inexistant and i'm now unable to approach a women at all. i'm affraid of making myself an ass of myself.
however i kinda feel superior to most other guys who "need" women. i feel i have more selfcontroll then them, or something.
i don't know if i really want a gf anyway. i've had gf's in the past. but now i come into contact with so many people at work that people just overwhelm me (i've never liked people even before i started working anyway) and when i'm not working i just stay in my room and i'm quite happy to keep to myself.
i fear that getting involved with a woman would cause me stress and anxiety - and i don't need that now.
plus their seem to be very few women i'm attracted to anyway. the vast ajority of women i've encounted all seem obsessed with themselves and clubbing and casual sex and drinking and drugging.

Clay, i like some of the things you've suggested to the OP. you sound wise.

Originally Posted by eoghanacht

I think it's the way I see Society (crap, going nowhere, getting worse, etc)

I hear you dude!
society is ****** up. and it's only going to get worse. their's no respect and no morals and no etiquette left in todays world
i think i would have liked to be alive 100 - 150 years ago

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

yes. i hadn't been getting any girlfriends either. lol. they wern't paying any attention to me at all. so i've stopped looking. man. i can't even remember the last time i had sex:

Feel lucky you've ever had sex at all, I'm still a virgin.

the thing is though that now my self-confidence is inexistant and i'm now unable to approach a women at all. i'm affraid of making myself an ass of myself.

I hear you loud and clear on that one.

i kinda feel superior to most other guys who "need" women. i feel i have more selfcontroll then them, or something.
i don't know if i really want a gf anyway. i've had gf's in the past. but now i come into contact with so many people at work that people just overwhelm me (i've never liked people even before i started working anyway) and when i'm not working i just stay in my room and i'm quite happy to keep to myself.
i fear that getting involved with a woman would cause me stress and anxiety - and i don't need that now.

I want a girlfriend so badly right now and that's why I won't get one. You only seem to catch someone's attention when you're not looking, which I'm trying not to do. I'm getting used to the fact that I may be alone the rest of my life.

plus their seem to be very few women i'm attracted to anyway. the vast ajority of women i've encounted all seem obsessed with themselves and clubbing and casual sex and drinking and drugging.

Clay, i like some of the things you've suggested to the OP. you sound wise.

Thanks, but I'm only 24, how wise can I be?

I hear you dude!
society is ****** up. and it's only going to get worse. their's no respect and no morals and no etiquette left in todays world
i think i would have liked to be alive 100 - 150 years ago

If I lived back then I likely would've killed myself 'cause there'd be no meds to treat my illness. And I'd likely be a slave haha. So no thanks.

Some people do have morals, respect and etiquette, just not many. You have to seek them out.

And you should feel extremely fortunate you only feel lonely once every 3 or 4 weeks. I feel lonely everyday. Count your blessings.

Sorry to hijak your thread, Ranc.

[Captain Kirk]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

I'm getting used to the fact that I may be alone the rest of my life.

me too! lol

[Captain Kirk]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

Feel lucky you've ever had sex at all, I'm still a virgin.

It's over-rated man. It's really no big deal.
and if you really think about it it's kinda gross and messy and damn primitive too.

[WantToHeal]

Rancorous:

It sounds like you really are off to a good start so far. B's are a heckuva lot better than I pulled until my later years, when I started to mature a bit. Listen, going back to college is a major life change...you can't expect everything to come together all at once! Allow yourself to make slow and steady progress, day by day.

As for the friends thing...just let it come into your life organically. Reach out where you feel compelled to, expect some of your advances to be rejected/not taken seriously, and expect the unexpected in terms of others approaching you. I made a lot of "friends" (party buds) right off the bat in college...most of them flunked out or left to pursue other opportunities before I knew it.

Although I'm still very close with one of my earlier friends - bonded him out of jail for scalping football tix two months into our freshman year (1994), and he was best man at my wedding last year - most of my really close college friendships were forged later on. Time has a way of revealing things to you.

As for help with psychiatric services and therapy, many schools offer these services free to students. Something you may want to look into...although in a big city like Indy, you may feel better with the anonymity of some place off campus.

All in all, I think you're on the right path.

Be well!

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

personally i'd like to have a few friends. not a lot. just a few. but in an ideal world i'd like my friends to be people you can have proper conversations with. not just people you hang out with for fun.
but because everybody i've ever befriended has let me down i don't want to take the risk of becoming friends with yet another unrelaible human.
i've had few true friends in my life. and they've all been transitory. and when our friendships have ended (sometimes for no reason. sometimes people just drift appart i think) i've always been saddened because i was stupid enough to have cared and to have continued about them even after our friendships were tainting.
begining to ramble on a bit now. lol. but basically what i wanted to say was i relate with you.

Agreed. People are fickle creatures. A lot of my friends i've had since I was a child. We're starting to drift apart these days, partly because they don't believe me if I try to fill them in about my life, i've been trying to be honest with the people I actually care about, thus far, it hasn't worked. The other reason being a lot of them are married and exclude me. I know they exclude me because I know they invite people I also know that have boyfriends/girlfriends. So, yeah, i'm not very happy about that. The rest of my friends have either moved away or just drifted away entirely. Anyone new i've met hasn't really been a friend, just an acquaintance. I'm really the only person who seems to get hurt by all this. I'd like to keep the friends I have, but i'm the only person who seems to care about the friendship, it all seems so one-sided. Same thing with relationships that are more "romantic" in nature. Havn't met anyone new there in quite some time either, though i've just quit looking. Anyone I find that I actually enjoy talking to tends to be taken and wont spend time with me because they're afraid that their girlfriend would be jealous or something or im not attractive enough, hell, I don't know. They don't say things like that, of course, but you can tell. I'm disgusted by people's general behavior. :/

[Captain Kirk]

Originally Posted by Rancorous

i'm really the only person who seems to get hurt by all this. I'd like to keep the friends I have, but i'm the only person who seems to care about the friendship, it all seems so one-sided. Same thing with relationships that are more "romantic" in nature.

i know, it's all the same for me too.

Originally Posted by Rancorous

I'm disgusted by people's general behavior. :/