darkness continuing?

[eoghanacht]

Hey.
I'm not sure if I will get many responses to this, but anyway.
I have major depression, PTSD, Social Anxiety. What I would like to know is this: is it.. acceptable? (right word??)- to still have very dark thoughts, and to like or prefer dark art and bands (nothing too extreme, but borderline maybe), 7 years after your trauma/event that triggered your major depression/ptsd etc.??

I know that people can suffer for years with nightmares off and on (which I get, but that does'nt matter), but the rest? Am I 'normal' in this sense?

[nandm]

Welcome to SR and our mental health forum.

I am not able to give medical advise or diagnose as it is against the rules here at SR. What I can share is my personal experience. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar type II. I do not find that I am attracted to darker things but then I never really have been. Just my thought on it, the attraction could just be that an attraction and have nothing to do with your diagnosis. It might just be a personal preference. I would suggest talking to your counselor or psych doc about it.

[Faerie]

Hey Sweetie,

I like dark stuff too, I even laugh at horror movies, people think I'm twisted, do I care, no!

Like the above post I think it's just a case of personal expression.

The nightmares and dark thoughts sound like perfectly normal symptoms of your depression and PTSD, I know as I suffer from both too.

Plus I know I make you smile a lot via email and msm so I know you're not gloomy all the time.

Love you loads,

Kel xx

[Brazil]

I think a choice of art reflects someone's inner psychology. For me, struggling with mental health issues off all kinds, I feel like I'm going down a bad path when I start to listen to "dark" music. At its core, death metal and up, is not a happy sunshine/life is great type of thing. It sells records, has killer grooves and sound, but I have to look past that to what it's really promoting and that's difficult...especially in today's culture. Death and destruction are central themes in so many commercial offerings, whether from bands, movies, or shows on television.

[eoghanacht]

Of course you're right about the inner psych bit, Brazil, but not so sure on the music side. I choose to listen to "Dark" music or bands (even though I can sometimes listen to classical, pop, and 'lighter' stuff), because of the way that I am feeling about myself.
I know that Black Metal (the extreme side)- bands have their dark lyrics and beliefs, erring on the satanic side, well I just choose again not to listen to the words, just the music. For me, it's mor about the style of music than anything else.

Thanks for posting anyway.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by eoghanacht

Of course you're right about the inner psych bit, Brazil, but not so sure on the music side. I choose to listen to "Dark" music or bands (even though I can sometimes listen to classical, pop, and 'lighter' stuff), because of the way that I am feeling about myself.
I know that Black Metal (the extreme side)- bands have their dark lyrics and beliefs, erring on the satanic side, well I just choose again not to listen to the words, just the music. For me, it's mor about the style of music than anything else.

Thanks for posting anyway.

I think it's natural for you to gravitate towards the angrier, darker music because it helps you process your feelings better and possibly makes you feel less alone. I have a friend who's into the same music that you're into, but he's not all dark and gloomy or depressed all the time, he just finds it speaks to him. Regardless of why you listen to it, all that matters is if it helps you, if it makes you feel alive, if it makes you feel. If it's not helping you and feeding the anger and depression and self-destructiveness in you, then you might reconsider your listening choices.

Depression takes one to dark places in the mind, so in that way you're "normal" to gravitate toward dark things. I tend to gravitate toward dark/disturbing movies and books and I have really dark thoughts. Don't beat yourself up for it, just know you won't always be surrounded by darkness. And you're one step ahead of me in that you believe recovery is possible.

And as far as I'm concerned, I don't even know what "normal" is anymore, mainly because I've never been normal. Despite your conditions, you've never come across as abnormal in any conversation I've had with you. You just have a lot of pain, which is understandable. That's why it's important to let it out in a creative way, whatever way speaks most to you. Sometimes I feel so angry and then I write something really angry and violent and disturbing and usually my anger has dissipated. Creative outlets are great for processing those thoughts, so go for it.

Take care,
Clay

[box3]

I have a dark and perverse sense of humour. I like that about me. I used to listen to dark music, but as I've gotten older I've mellowed. It's still cathartic to blast a bit of Slayer or DK (etc) now and again. I wouldn't pathologise it unless it makes you feel bad.

[Vintersemestre]

Sure it is. Maybe you're just a nihilist, I am and I'm not depressed.

[Rancorous]

Personally, i've always been inclined to choose "darker" literature. Not necessarily music-wise. I don't really think it has much to do, if anything with my diagnosis. I don't see it as a problem.

I guess its really only an issue if you see it as one.

[atomica]

i think it's totally normal. i like what Clay said about making you feel alive - thats what art, especially music, is all about.

my AH loves everything from death & black metal thru to Aphex twin to Enya to Chopin. whatever is right for his mood at the time, that speaks to him and makes him *feel*

i always have a very emotional and often visceral connection to music & art in general. sometimes my feelings get blocked and i use music to get them out (to cry or to bounce around.. whatever i need). i think it's wonderful.

as for the dark thoughts, that is part & parcel of the depression/anxiety for sure, but i think it's also part of being fully engaged in the world. the world isn't just all puppies and roses, and engaging and really considering the dark side in a philosophical and emotional way is a matter of character, IMHO.

ae