son in the hosptial

[zoomer]

I had to call 911 on my son last week. He was acting manic the past three weeks with lots of paranoia and strang talks. He at the end was thinking someone was out to get him and that they put a divice in his spine to control him. He tried to cut it out and woke me up by saying help. I went down stairs and he had blood on his hand and asked me to cut it out for him because he could not reach it. I told him I needed to get something and went up stairs and had my husband call 911. The cops came and put him in the hosptial. He is refusing meds and now they are taking him to court to have an order to make him take meds and I have to testify. The shrink or the social worker cannot really talk to me because my son refuses to sign any release forms. They also think that it's more than bi-polar. We go to visit him everyday and everyday he is angry and blames me for his whole life being messed up. Today I brought him some hard candy and gum. He cannot smoke,so it will help him and his cravings.
Two weeks ago too my 13 year old was in the hosptial for bi-polar. It looks like mental illness runs high in my side of the family and I feel upset about it all. I'm bi-polar too,but have not had an manic attack in 5 years because I take my meds and try to take care of myself. I do get freaked out when my children are freaking out and it brings back a lot of memories when I was manic. The doctor upped my meds because I'm dealing with a lot,but it's making me eat a lot too.
I feel real bad about my 23 year old son,but he needs help and long term care. He is basically homeless. He really cannot stay with me because we walk on egg shells around him and we are afraid of him and his outburst. He cannot hold a job, nor have room mates because he scares everyone. I was wondering what will happen to him? Will they put him in a state hosptial? Will they mandate him to get on SSD and medicade. I don't want my son to be out on the streets with the winter coming. I'm not afraid to testify,but am upset that I have to do so.

[Bamboozle]

(((zoomer)))

[Priss]

I guess it depends on the state and their laws as to whether or not he has to be involuntarily committed. In SC, you can only hold someone for 72 hours. So sorry you're in this position. My brother is bi-polar and used to go off his meds quite a bit, so I can relate to the eggshell feeling you mentioned. Take care and keep posting.

[liveweyerd]

hugs and best wishes to you Zoomer

[zoomer]

Thanks everyone! I could not sleep because I kept thinking about my son. I went to visit him,but he only talked for about 2 minutes to rant about how I was a terrible mother and I'm only visting him to make myself look good. I try not to take it personally,but it's hard. I'll keep visiting him until he is out although I cannot go tonight because I work. I just want him to know I'm there for him. Maybe not in the way he wants me to be,but in a way that I can be there.
We use to be close when he was little, then when he was turning 18 he blew up and started saying how horrible I was. I know in my heart I did what i could for him when he was little and we even went bankrupt from all the kids we had trying to give them the things they wanted. I just got some money and I gave him money for a car and money here and there,but his car was a lemon and he did not have a job to fix it. I paid off most his loans so he could go back to school,but he had to pay some,but could not because he could not work due to not getting along with anyone. I have done all I could. He then wanted me to finace him to go to NYC so he could live there, I told him no because I did not want him to be in a dangerous city on the streets. he then wanted to go to California, I said no because he would be too far away for me to help him (he was manic at the time he asked). I told him I would help him to find an apartment here if he got a job so he could pay his rent. My money is going fast and i want to save some for emergencies. Anyway, I hoping that the social worker can find him a place to live and get him of SSD and that my son will get the medical help he needs. My son said he does not want government help because then they will control him. I sure can not afford his hospital bills nor his treatment after he gets out. At anyrate I'm kind of tired cleaning up his messes and going ot the poor house because of it.

[liveweyerd]

You are right Zoomer, you can't keep this up.
I am sure he could get SSD and special housing placement and etc.
Maybe ask the Dr's about it...or the social worker.
Or even call the social security office.
You aren't responsible for his hospital bill and he should qualify for medicare, food stamps, and all that.
We, you pay taxes for those things to be provided to him.
Take care of yourself and try not to stretch yourself too thin!

[zoomer]

The hospital is taking my son to court to make him take meds and I'm to testify. My son is relishing the fact that he is going to court. He said he has a medical doctor on his side and he might represent himself. I'm sure a lawyer will be provided for him,but my son said that I'm the one with the mental problems and that is going to be his angle at court. What a mess! Sure I'm BP, but I have not had a manic attack in almost 5 years due to the fact that I take my meds and try to live a good life. I only get upset when my children are messing up. Now this court thing is going to mess with my head big time. I hate courts and all that goes with it. Right now I can say I really do not like my son even if he is sick. He is acting like an ass hole like usal. I feel like throwing up my hands and saying enough. If he wants to live on the streets then fine by me. But ofcourse I can't do that now,but I'm pretty close. I have had enough of his abuse and blaming me for all his woes.

[WantToHeal]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, zoomer. My best friend in this town is BP, and while we're very close - wouldn't trade him for anything - we have had some stupid blow-ups in the three years we've known each other. Between his illness and mine, the conversations can get pretty surreal.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that it's the illness, and not the person.

That said, though, your responsibility to him only goes so far. He's a grown man and makes his own decisions. Though I'm sure you love him very much, I think you are wise to set some boundaries for yourself.

Wishing you the strength to deal with this...

[zoomer]

My son is going to be let out maybe on Thurs. My ex talked to the doctor and my son is now taking meds. Ofcourse I'm the bad guy right now,but if that what it takes to make sure my son got the help he needed so be it. I did see my son last night and he said when he got out he was going to a homelss shelter. I told him he could come and stay with me,but he said he would rather not. I hate the thought of him being with all the homeless people,but perhaps they can help him in a way I cannot. He needs to get into programs that are going to help him until he can help himself. It's getting cold and I wonder if they make them leave the shelter during the day? I'm so worried!

[zoomer]

well my son got out yesterday and will not take his meds. he stayed here with me and was up all night. I took him to the bus stop today to go see his dad,but his dad said he wants nothing to do with my son. My son will come back and I will point his strait to the homeless shelter. I'm sick of his attitude. Maybe a few nights in a homeless shelter it will dawn on him that he is up **** creek and needs some help. Alls he did today was bitch and moan about everything wrong with me and this country and pyscology. I feel trapped when he is around and a little spooked. I don't want to live that way another day and I know my husband is at the end of his rope.

[ClayTheScribe]

I know in some states, maybe most, if your son presents and clear and present danger to himself or others he can be mandated to be involuntarily check-ed in to a mental institution, and if he is violent, they can mandate him to a group home.

I think he needs to hit the bottom of his disease and maybe staying in a homeless shelter would do him good. I know it must be heart-breaking as a parent, but you can only do so much and with people that reckless you have to let them spin out. Go till you bump as my grandpa used to say. He will take his medications eventually when he can't deal with the withdrawals anymore, in which case he might beg you to take him to the hospital. He'll get tired of being sick eventually, even if he has to learn hard lessons first. It sounds to me like he has bi-polar with psychotic features which can include delusions and extreme paranoia.

I think the important thing is that you take care of yourself right now, make sure you're alright and mentally and physically sound, whatever that takes. I really feel for you. I know my depression has caused my parents a great deal of worry and pain over the years and I still have trouble forgiving myself for that. I hope your son comes out of his anger and confusion and realizes he should be grateful for you. The important thing to remember is that is an illness and it can and will be treated in time.

Take care,

Clay

[zoomer]

Thanks Clay, your words give me some hope. Right now he is up North (NY). It's cold here,so I'm sure it's much colder up there. He only took a sweat shirt with him,no jacket. I do hope he has found a place to stay up there. What I'm going to do when he comes home, is give him the numbers to the hosptial and the shelter and a few quarters to call when he is out on the streets. He did have this away message on his AIM that was a poem "Looking for a place to die". It upset me. I'm not sure if he wrote it or it was from a book. I guess like everyone though he needs to hit a bottom, I just hope it's not death.

[DonneIslanding]

Originally Posted by zoomer

Thanks Clay, your words give me some hope. Right now he is up North (NY). It's cold here,so I'm sure it's much colder up there. He only took a sweat shirt with him,no jacket. I do hope he has found a place to stay up there. What I'm going to do when he comes home, is give him the numbers to the hosptial and the shelter and a few quarters to call when he is out on the streets. He did have this away message on his AIM that was a poem "Looking for a place to die". It upset me. I'm not sure if he wrote it or it was from a book. I guess like everyone though he needs to hit a bottom, I just hope it's not death.

It hurt, but reading this thread brought back a lot of bad memories of my childhood... it literally hurt my heart to read through this thread, but I think it could be one of those good pains. I thought I'd try and post about it.

My mother is BP and has been dealing with it for years. She is responsible about it, takes medications, and does her best. About 10 years ago, my older brother started having serious legal issues/struggles with sobriety and refused to really address his issue constructively. Without going into detail, there were some really rough patches. We had periods of months on end where we wouldn't communicate and I had little or any hope of seeing him recuperate. It was a source of great pain to me that hurts to think about.

He started to do better, enrolled in college and did well. Two years ago I was driving back to attend his college celebration party and I got a voicemail on the road. He had been hospitalized following an alcohol and cocaine binge. The city cops who found him had to hospitalize him because he didn't know his name or where he was, in hopes that he detox and get evaluated. The first opportunity he had he ran away from the hospital.

Shortly after this event, for reasons unbeknownst to me he decided he wanted help. I didn't have much hope at this time, but he was diagnosed with a few things (BP the primary condition). After rehab he did very well for a while. Found out a year ago that he had a very serious relapse and was back in rehab as a result, which was very painful to me. After he was out, he started going the AA route harder and ever and just got his first one year chip.

After his first hospitalization, my mother called me extremely upset (my grandmother had also just passed) and I didn't know what to say. So I bluntly told her that his addiction is not her fault, it was my brother's issue and his responsibility to deal with. She said that it helped and she probably needed someone to tell her that.

And after the serious relapse, she told me that she had been attending AlAnon and that it helped to think of it as him getting the help he needs. This was somewhat comforting to me but I was very upset and started struggling again myself.

Anyway, after I heard about his one year chip I told them both I was very proud and I meant it. I've never been a prouder brother. Proud enough to realize I need to take start taking steps to address my own issues, hence my arrival at SR.

I guess my point is that hope springs eternal, even in our darkest hour. I hope your son gets the help he needs.

[zoomer]

Thanks for sharing Donneislanding. Your right in talking about addiction. Mental illness is sort of like addiction in that if you do not do as told by doctor's then you relaps and all hell breaks lose. My son got out of the hospital, stopped taking his meds (they gave him the bums rush, was only on abilify for 2 days before they told him he could be released) He went back up north to his dads and now came back down here. He has been doing ok. He is helping with the house work and is being nice to be around. I just do not know what to do next. He says he is going to get a job,but he is still up at night (although I told him the night showers have to stop being that the pipes strain and the sound goes directly into my room) and he sleeps some times during the day. My husband his st father is on my case. How can I kick him out when its getting cold out?

[DonneIslanding]

It's clear that this has caused you a lot of undeserved pain and that you're feeling pressure for both ends (your husband's and son's needs). You don't deserve to be put through this and I think that you need to set some very solid boundaries.

I would meet with your husband and discuss what it would take to relieve the situation for both of you. Determine some very clear boundaries for your son and his behavior, inform your son of them as soon as you've figured out what they are, and make sure he understands that the consequence for breaking any will result in him not being able to stay with you. Without knowing all the specifics of the situation, I'm offering some standard ideas for some boundaries to discuss with your husband:

• If your son does not take the medication he has been prescribed, he has to leave.
• If he does not see his doctor or social worker on the determined basis, he has to leave.
• If he is not actively looking for gainful employment, he has to leave.
• If he continues blaming others (namely you) for his behavior, he has to leave.

And if he fails to comply with all of your expectations, it's time for him to go no matter how cold it is outside. I hope it doesn't come to that but this tough love may be your final leverage in making sure that he gets the help he needs.

[ClayTheScribe]

And make sure he gets on a normal schedule. That's the best thing my parents could've done even though initially I was mad as hell at them for it. If he doesn't get on a normal schedule, tell him he'll never be able to hold down the job. And make it mandatory that he take his meds or else he has to leave. It sounds to me like he doesn't really want to be homeless, so I think he'll comply.

[DonneIslanding]

ClayTheScribe is right: if your son's night habits are really bothering you, it would be especially beneficial to get him back on a "normal" schedule.

It may also help to prioritize such a list (putting the medication and doctor/social worker visits above all else). It may take some time for your son to get used to the medication to be ready for a full job hunt, but once he's stabilized per doctor's orders he will be much better prepared for all aspects of life.