sick and tired

[mamabin]

I don't even really know what I want to say here. I've had an extremely depressive episode and it has affected my job and my family. Quite possibly my future. I've missed work and I really need this job. They're strict on attendance and I was warned but didn't go in thursday or friday, I just couldn't. They know my situation. They've already worked with me once. But they said they'd move me to a less stressful job and that was two weeks ago. The deal was that they move me and I stop missing time. I hope they take that into consideration. So tomorrow I find out if I have a job or not. I know that this could be a blessing in disguise because this work environment is absolutely toxic for me.

People just don't get it. My mother-in-law lives next door and she has the mindset that the economy is bad and you get yourself to work every day and be thankful you have a job. Well that's all good for most people. Not for me. My episode is getting better but I'm using seroquel which I can't afford and I'm almost out. So we don't have a plan for my meds. I'm already on too much in my opinion.

Is it possible to detox from all this stuff? People do it with alcohol. I just feel like I'm taking all these meds and I'm still depressed. So what would I be like without them? I know I need to talk to my doctor and I know I should come off of these things slowly.

Today I'm going to go outside and get some sun and try not to think about my job situation since I can't do anything about it at this point.

[AstroGirl]

Hi S&T. Sorry to hear you are feeling so badly. Since I don't know your medical background, I can't comment on whether or now this is an idea you might want to follow-up or not. When I was drinking I never slept. Or maybe it was the other way around and I stopped sleeping and that's when the drinking started. My psych, who is also a friend, gave me seroquel and it let me sleep and then I knew I could get well. I just take it at night, before bed-time. But I couldn't afford it and my doc ran out of samples, but Astra Zeneca (makes seroquel) has a patient assistance program and, with the help of my doctor I was able to get it free. Over time I tapered my dosage way down, (25mg -50mg), and that proved to be not too smart, but I'm figuring all that out and at least having the pills gives me the option of finding out what is right for my body. I've been using it for 3 years and am fortuenate that I have no side effects, etc.

Since then I've spent a lot of time in India, so I just buy a year's supply for about $50.00 when I'm there and haven't had to deal with AZ. So - I'm not sure how helpful getting a reliable supply of seroquel would be for you in the picture, but you might check it out with your doc and AZ and if that is not possible you can PM me for some other options.
Hang in there, best of luck and let me know if I can help in any way.

[ranae1221]

Hi Mamabin,

I hope going outside and getting some sun helped a bit, or at least put a smile on your face for a few seconds.

Astrogirl had a good suggestion about looking into any programs the makers of Seroquel may have. You could also try asking your doc, they often have samples available. I also take Seroquel, and my doc has given my samples to help me during tough times in the past.

That's good to hear that you have been in touch with your employer about some of the difficulties you have had and it appears they were willing to work with you to move you to a less stressful position. If something is said about you having missed work again, I would remind them that they still haven't moved you into the new position. Hopefully they will do this soon.

Worst case seniro, you can always use the Family Medical Leave Act, if you need time off work to recover. This is what I had to do, when I was at the worst of my depression. I was able to take 3 months off to concentrate on getting better and the company has to guarente there will be a job for you when you return. That might be worth looking into if you truly need time off to recover.

Is it possible to detox from Seroquel? Yes, but your doc would be the best person to help with that. If you are still having severe depressive feelings (enough to keep you from being able to work) after being on medication for several week, it could be the medication you are on isn't the right meds and/or right dose. The best thing would likely be to see your doc ASAP. This way, you can also show your work that you are actively trying to get better as well. Your doc can help you decide if the medication you are on is the right medication and dosage or if something else should be tried.

It is so very frustrating, playing that waiting game of waiting and hoping "this" medication will be the one that finally works, that finally makes you feel slightly human again.

As for your mother-in-law and others who "just don't get it", they don't. Most people don't understand why it can be so difficult to just get out of bed some days. To them, it's the mind set "you just do it". They don't understand how sometimes, it can take all your energy and strength to just keep breathing, keep living from one moment to the next. And when just taking your next breath is so overwhelming, how can you even begin to possibly imagine doing anything else?

For people like that- I feel they are lucky. They will never have to know how painful it can be to be 'us'. To feel the pain of living.

Good luck on the job front, and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

[mamabin]

Thank you Jessca
I absolutely would have gone with fmla. That would have worked. However, the contractor I work for has 48 employees on site, and they don't have to give fmla unless they have 50 employees.

Nobody from work has gotten back to me. I guess I'll have to just go in tonight and see what happens. I still think it's wrong for them to not answer me. I'd much rather be fired over the phone than have a security guard walk me to my desk to get my belongings.

I've done all I can. At this point whatever is meant to happen will happen.

[spittake]

I had to stop taking seroquel for sleep very quickly after starting on it, because it made me so damn groggy in the morning, that it was a nightmare to get myself up for work.

Then again, I medicate depression with uppers, but I hear a lot of depressives like downers. Makes no sense to me, but apparently, I'm in the minority.

One more voice to the chorus: Do not do your own med management. Let a psych do it. That way, if something gets screwed up, you can sue the psych and you won't have to worry about work for a while

[mamabin]

They fired me today. First time in my life I've been fired. And I'm 45. They just wouldn't work with me and my absences because of my illness. It's actually a relief in a way. But right now it's too much to take in and I feel like my head is gonna explode. I could have gone so far in this company if I had been emotionally stable but I'm sure you all know how that feels. I might just stop fighting it and go to bed for a while...

[ranae1221]

Hugs Mamabin. I guess on one hand it's a relief to finally know one way or the other.

Maybe this is a way for you to have the time off you need, so you can concentrate on getting better. Then once you are ready, you can rejoin the work force better than ever.

I was able to take the FLMA and took the whole 3 months. At the end, I was not ready to return to work and had to quit. I ended up going on disability for a year (my application was approved the first time and fairly quickly, something that is rare I am told) and worked just on getting better.

It was hard, I am someone who has always worked and been able to provide for myself.

But in the end, because I took the time I needed, I was able to return to work after 1 1/2 years, and was better than before I left.

It probaly is a mixed feeling right now- relief that you don't have to struggle and drag yourself to work, and dread for the unknown. Hopefully the first thing you will be able to do is file for unemployment. Talk to you doctor about options to be able to continue your appointments and medications- some clinics have a sliding scale available and your copays may be able to be reduced.

Talk to your doc if he/she feels you should file for disabilty right now. If you file, your doc will need to be able to support your claim.

It can be very easy to put all this off, to become so overwhelmed and tell yourself you will do it tomorrow. But then before you know it, the day becomes another day, and then a week passes, and then another week, and then a month has passed. Take a few days to process what happened today, but don't wait to long.

[notofeudalism]

Originally Posted by mamabin

They fired me today. First time in my life I've been fired. And I'm 45. They just wouldn't work with me and my absences because of my illness. It's actually a relief in a way. But right now it's too much to take in and I feel like my head is gonna explode. I could have gone so far in this company if I had been emotionally stable but I'm sure you all know how that feels. I might just stop fighting it and go to bed for a while...

Im sorry you got fired. I know mental illness as well as addiction. Its not appropriate for me to offer medical advise in regards to your medication, so I would say ask your doctor immediately about coming off of any medication. He/she will be about to help you in that regard.