Zencat's Mental Health Thread.

[Zencat]

Well...I just lost everything I took all the time to wright out...no problem...the condensed version will do.

So I'm returning to therapy after a long hiatus. What I have to look forward to is more CBT therapy. What I don't look forward is more CBT therapy. Why...because I have been told over and over again by (the regular reloving door of CBT therapist) that what I need is psychoanalytical therapy. And being on SSI I have yet to find a psychoanalytical therapist that takes my government insurance....Oh but in Hollywood...there are plenty that take cash.

So here's the deal...I have compulsive behaviors that completely mystify me. I act out and have then the aftermath to deal with. Which CBT therapy is effective in dealing with...the aftermath that is...as for my experience.

I've tried 12-step methods to deal with this condition...but as it is now, that only grievously aggravates the situation. In fact I have acted out with my compulsion to the point of engaging in self-harm when trying some 12-step stuff to quell my acting-out...so that a no-no for now.

Now...the best I can describe this is having a hijacked brain. Everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters not...it happens, then...I pick up the shattered bits...and carry on the best I can. Oh then afterward, everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters...strange paradox.

At my best, which is often enough to make life more than endurable, is a lofty sanctification. Not a bad deal between the periodic utter madness and the joy of the often celebrated mundane....mundane? Just normal living for me...I'll take that anytime I can get it.

So...lets see...I hope to keep my thread open and on going...that would be a very big deal for me to do.

And now some dancing bananas...

[Bamboozle]

Looking forward to reading, Zen.

[spittake]

So, isn't there some sort of CBT or other therapy that is directed specifically toward compulsive disorders? Is that what you have been trying?

Best of...luck? I kinda relate to the compulsive/impulsive thing. I get that way when I get badly depressed. I'll see your hijacked-brain metaphor, and raise you one no-brain-at-all simile.

[stone]

I hope your new treatment proves helpful, Zen.

I have been in a really bad depression for the last few days and this

Now...the best I can describe this is having a hijacked brain. Everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters not

fits how I feel when I am in this state, everything I have learned, believe in, all my hard won (beginnings of) peace of mind goes out the window.

I have depression anyway and have been on SSRI's for about 10 years but I get these real low episodes, roughly every 30 days (they last 2-3 days). I used to drink on them but not the last two times, which is why I am 60 days sober today, lol.

So, I really related to the "hi-jack" metaphor.


Best of luck and I hope you keep the thread going.

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by spittake

So, isn't there some sort of CBT or other therapy that is directed specifically toward compulsive disorders? Is that what you have been trying?

Yes there is I believe. Yet from my lengthy experiences with CBT, it is one of limited success. I have been able to change my thought and behaviors when the urge/compulsion to act out (sexually) comes on and yet the urge persist. And has persist since early childhood. Well...after the sexual trauma happened in my early development...I was able to stop the trauma and then I started to act out sexually (at about 8 years old) afterword. In fact I reenacted the trauma on my own in various sexually dysfunctional ways at that early age and earlier now that I think of it. Its still weird to think I was acting out sexually as an 8 year old (and through my life) and dysfunctional at that. Not to say that any sexual acting out as a child is functional...I still get confused...Ack.

So I guess the persistence to be victorious against my acting out has remained lately and depending on my state of mind...I win for the most part...yet sill lose from time to time.

Originally Posted by Zencat

Now...the best I can describe this is having a hijacked brain. Everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters not

It really is baffling is it not...Its like I have this built up psyche tension that looks for any opportunity to burst out and run shot over everything I know how to counter it...darnest thing it is. Yet I have been successful many more times than not to get a handle on this. However I see my victories more in percentages vs. absolutes.


Hi Bam


The following is my reply to Wantingit's (Buspar?!!) thread. Thought I would just add it to my thread.

Originally Posted by Zen

I'm taking Buspar now. Ive been on it for a few months now and I think it helps somewhat. I still have the physical symptoms of anxiety, but the anxious thoughts have quieted down a bit more than without the drug. More often than not I just have to endure the physical anxiety symptoms and go about my way so I can do the things I want to do.

From my experience its likely I'll have anxiety for a long time to come. Especially the physical reaction to my anxiety. The sweating, jitters, hot flushing of the face, rapid heart beat and weakness in my legs. what I have been able to greatly lessen is the thoughts, like thinking I will collapse, everybody is looking at me, I have to get out of here now, I can't stand this and so on. I can effectively counter those thoughts now and that dose help a lot.

I do carry a big lot of paper towel folded in my back pockets...and a roll of it in my car...so that helps. I even have a couple changes of shirts in my car trunk now that I think about it.

And I think I start a little tradition here to my post with a...

[MCake]

I'll subscribe to your thread too, Will.

I've done different types of therapy for the past ten-twelve year. The differences you pointed out between CBT and psychoanalysis are very interesting and, in my experience, quite accurate. I found CBT very helpful for stuff like generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder... the surface symptoms... but psychoanalysis delved straight into the meat and bones. And then, Analytical Psychology got to my soul. I only mention A.P. cos I've noticed your Joseph Campbell sig. Have you read "The Hero with a Thousand Faces"? There might be some insight regarding your urges there - just a thought.

In any case, I look forward to reading about your journey and shares Take care of yourself.

[alien22]

I can relate to the feelings of 'impulsivity'. I am getting better with it, but have had a tendency to 'freak out' in certain uncomfortable situations, and my solution has generally been drinking and drugging. Is this a trend for you, too?

I've been hanging out in the 'substance abuse' forum for a few weeks, but i also struggle with mental problems, i.e. schizophrenia and depression, and am on meds for these both. Thanks for the interesting thread. I will continue to explore the 'mental health' forum.