Hiding the bad stuff - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

mxchaos · 08-05-2009, 12:49 AM

because everyone thinks you're doing great. I feel like if I try to ignore the voices and self destructive thoughts and hide the way I truly feel than things will be fine. My doc got mad at me for not letting him in on this sooner. Says he can't help if he doesn't know and I shouldn't be ashamed of having these symptoms because it's not under my control.

I think I can control them if I work really hard at it and I really want life to be fine and good.

just rambling

I hate addiction, bipolar and Ana they can all take a hike!

Faerie · 08-05-2009, 01:35 AM

Mx, I often hide the way I truly feel too.

Afraid to show weakness, afraid of worrying my family, afraid of admitting to myself I am not doing well in case it makes it worse.

My family think my depression is getting better but it's not, I guess I'm to blame for that.

I'm very good at putting on an act.

I understand how you feel.

However I find it really easy to be completely honest about how I feel on SR and I see you do too.

My heart goes out to you,

PM me if you ever need to talk,

Much love,

Faerie xx

Bamboozle · 08-05-2009, 07:42 AM

(((mx)))

Sounds like you have a doc who cares.

discontentmiser · 08-05-2009, 12:12 PM

I know about pretending to be okay

I can barely be around my mom unless I'm in a "good head space"

My doc says I should be more honest to her and seek her support; but she commuted and was a weekend mom, so it's just weird trying to tell her how upset I am.

But trying to hide everything, trust me, is way too exhausting to keep up indefinitely.

"working hard" to stay okay (in a good head space) is impossible; I've tried and IT'S NEVER ENOUGH

I am still angry about my symptoms. I'm a firm believer in "if I can't accept it in someone else, I don't deserve (and won't) get it accepted in me by others"
so I'm really pissed at my dad (and mom) and their -ism's, but feel like I don't deserve to get better.

In my messed up head I believe that if I blame others, then they blame me and it's my fault

I want to be able to control everything and make it all fine and good too, but so far it's not working, so I'm sticking with alanon untiI find something that works better

Be safe, no one's here to judge you

big hugs!

hauntedbyjmb · 08-08-2009, 04:32 AM

MX, Thank you so much for sharing this topic. Some days I just feel like the emotional pain will never give.
This pure sharing allows us to know just how Common the issues are within this group. I hide it all the time and then some days Monique comes out when I stay too long anywhere. Monique went off on the HUD lady today. I have to stay present to keep the Peeps (alters) from being out, but they come out anyway.
I can go about 10-15 acting "as if" after 30 mins GOD HELP EVERYONE around me.
Thanks for the honest sharing everyone and it being so validating here.
I am sorry we all have these issues to deal with I am just so glad it is okay to ramble/vent/ share here.
Dis, I am with you on your post. Alanon at times is helping me cope and deal with the childhood issues. Best of Luck to you too!
Bam and Faerie, you 2 rock on all your support, thanks!

hauntedbyjmb · 08-08-2009, 04:34 AM

You guys give the greatest hugs!

mxchaos · 08-08-2009, 11:28 PM

working hard to fight this off hopefully I can pull it off I don't like landing in the hospital for months. It's been almost a year out of there and good things have happened. Lots of hard work and therapy to get this far.

If i can keep my mask from cracking anymore then maybe I won't get as sick as last time.

Faerie · 08-08-2009, 11:59 PM

Mx, Just remember, it is OK to show and tell people how you really feel.

But it is your choice whether you do it or not. NO judgment from me.

I still struggle, as do many others.

I'm only a PM away if anyone ever wants to talk about it.

Love to all the other damaged souls,

Faerie xx

janbear · 09-28-2009, 12:04 AM

I needed to see all this tonight. Its hard to admit when i am struggling with the voices. The meds. work good most of the time.
Recently, i was at a NA campout when i was struggling with them and thankfully my grandsponsor who happens to work with schizophrenics was able to help when she heard what was going on.

Grateful for forums like this

08-05-2009, 12:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
mxchaos live to ride ride to live Join Date: May 2007 Location: New England Posts: 1,390	Hiding the bad stuff because everyone thinks you're doing great. I feel like if I try to ignore the voices and self destructive thoughts and hide the way I truly feel than things will be fine. My doc got mad at me for not letting him in on this sooner. Says he can't help if he doesn't know and I shouldn't be ashamed of having these symptoms because it's not under my control. I think I can control them if I work really hard at it and I really want life to be fine and good. just rambling I hate addiction, bipolar and Ana they can all take a hike!

08-05-2009, 01:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
Faerie Faerie Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: South Australia Posts: 396	Mx, I often hide the way I truly feel too. Afraid to show weakness, afraid of worrying my family, afraid of admitting to myself I am not doing well in case it makes it worse. My family think my depression is getting better but it's not, I guess I'm to blame for that. I'm very good at putting on an act. I understand how you feel. However I find it really easy to be completely honest about how I feel on SR and I see you do too. My heart goes out to you, PM me if you ever need to talk, Much love, Faerie xx __________________ The Faerie with Torn Wings

08-05-2009, 07:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
Bamboozle I got nothin' Duck Hunt 2 Champion! Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: My house. Posts: 4,776 Blog Entries: 14	(((mx))) Sounds like you have a doc who cares. __________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

08-08-2009, 11:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
Faerie Faerie Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: South Australia Posts: 396	Mx, Just remember, it is OK to show and tell people how you really feel. But it is your choice whether you do it or not. NO judgment from me. I still struggle, as do many others. I'm only a PM away if anyone ever wants to talk about it. Love to all the other damaged souls, Faerie xx __________________ The Faerie with Torn Wings

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08-05-2009, 12:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
discontentmiser Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: canada Posts: 63	I know about pretending to be okay I can barely be around my mom unless I'm in a "good head space" My doc says I should be more honest to her and seek her support; but she commuted and was a weekend mom, so it's just weird trying to tell her how upset I am. But trying to hide everything, trust me, is way too exhausting to keep up indefinitely. "working hard" to stay okay (in a good head space) is impossible; I've tried and IT'S NEVER ENOUGH I am still angry about my symptoms. I'm a firm believer in "if I can't accept it in someone else, I don't deserve (and won't) get it accepted in me by others" so I'm really pissed at my dad (and mom) and their -ism's, but feel like I don't deserve to get better. In my messed up head I believe that if I blame others, then they blame me and it's my fault I want to be able to control everything and make it all fine and good too, but so far it's not working, so I'm sticking with alanon untiI find something that works better Be safe, no one's here to judge you big hugs!

08-08-2009, 04:32 AM	#5 (permalink)
hauntedbyjmb Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: no answer Posts: 76	MX, Thank you so much for sharing this topic. Some days I just feel like the emotional pain will never give. This pure sharing allows us to know just how Common the issues are within this group. I hide it all the time and then some days Monique comes out when I stay too long anywhere. Monique went off on the HUD lady today. I have to stay present to keep the Peeps (alters) from being out, but they come out anyway. I can go about 10-15 acting "as if" after 30 mins GOD HELP EVERYONE around me. Thanks for the honest sharing everyone and it being so validating here. I am sorry we all have these issues to deal with I am just so glad it is okay to ramble/vent/ share here. Dis, I am with you on your post. Alanon at times is helping me cope and deal with the childhood issues. Best of Luck to you too! Bam and Faerie, you 2 rock on all your support, thanks!

08-08-2009, 04:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
hauntedbyjmb Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: no answer Posts: 76	You guys give the greatest hugs!

08-08-2009, 11:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
mxchaos live to ride ride to live Join Date: May 2007 Location: New England Posts: 1,390	working hard to fight this off hopefully I can pull it off I don't like landing in the hospital for months. It's been almost a year out of there and good things have happened. Lots of hard work and therapy to get this far. If i can keep my mask from cracking anymore then maybe I won't get as sick as last time.

09-28-2009, 12:04 AM	#9 (permalink)
janbear Member 501 Darts Champion! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 7	I needed to see all this tonight. Its hard to admit when i am struggling with the voices. The meds. work good most of the time. Recently, i was at a NA campout when i was struggling with them and thankfully my grandsponsor who happens to work with schizophrenics was able to help when she heard what was going on. Grateful for forums like this

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