I'm new to this

[Rancorous]

Hello, I generally post in the Adult Children forum, i've migrated here for now because I think i've done all I can to heal in that respect while i'm still living at home. I still need to get out, unfortunately, my minimum wage salary prevents me from doing so.

Moving on, in the past year or so, i've learned a lot about myself from therapy. Maybe i've made some progress, maybe not. I recently found out I have a dissociative disorder...the doctor didn't really give me a concrete type of dissociative disorder, but I guess thats ok because I seem to experience a wide range of symptoms, and the severity depends on how stressed/depressed I am I guess. I also don't know if I have more than one disorder. I'm having trouble learning to manage it. Really, I don't want to manage it, its just a different way of experiencing things. I just feel I need to so I can hold a job. It sorta just strikes at random. I keep trying to pass myself off as ADD because people just don't understand, I can't make them understand. I feel like I need to learn more about it, I find myself obsessively reading up on my own disorder...its just kind of mind blowing to have a name for the weird things I experience. Maybe its a phase?

I'm not sure where i'm even going with this, I just feel cut adrift, that only people who go through similar things can understand me. I feel the need to just be alone mostly. Just lost.

[Faerie]

Hi Rancorous,

I too have a disorder, on top of depression, anxiety and a codeine addiction I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I know it's different from yours but I understand how you feel being lost.

I read up a lot on BPD, bought books and went to every website I could find, I think what you're doing by researching it is good, it's good to be informed.

I find it hard to explain my BPD to people but once I do they accept it and are very understanding.

A few years ago I found a support group for people with BPD and it helped me immensely, I no-longer felt alone and like a freak. The group was for people with BPD and formed to teach us dialectical behavioral therapy to help us deal with our condition. The DBT really helped me. Good news for me is BPD is not a life sentence, mine was brought on from being raped when I was 15. I repressed it for 12 yrs and only started talking about it 7 weeks ago. Since I started dealing with my issue my BPD has been improving.

I'm very interested in what you have learned about your disorder, is it for life or is it like mine and something you can heal.

Much love, support and understanding from your new friend,

Faerie x

[Rancorous]

Well, i've found out that dissociation can either be transient or chronic and either be a disorder in its own right or appearing with other disorders. Dissociation is largely thought to be your body's reaction to cope with horrific/confusing/overwhelming circumstances. There are also different types of experiences you can have which determine which kind you have. Right now, I have just a general blanket diagnosis of dissociation, the doctor didn't put a specific type down. I'm fairly certain mine is chronic, given my past and since I can't remember a time without having these experiences. I've read that some people can remember when they started feeling that way, that isn't the case with me. Like you, i've experienced some amnesia. I'm currently unsure whether its due to a specific event or its just part of how I experience the world, just living life in a long, monotonous blur. Theres other funky stuff I could tell about, but theres so much. O_O The experiences vary greatly. Some days its easier to manage than others, depending upon the situation i'm in. Meaning, if i'm in a situation thats scary or awkward, it will flare up.

Thank you for responding to me, i'm glad that there are people like you who are understanding of these types of things.

[Faerie]

NP, I'm the same, back me into the corner and the beast rears her head.

Take Care,

[discontentmiser]

yeah,

I'm still full of so much stuff, I don't have an exact diagnosis

depression, anxiety.. possibly BPD, and an adult child...

anyway, have any of you heard of ecouch?
it's an awesome website by an australian mental health group;
it's just info. and helpful tips for dealing with depresion and anxiety

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by discontentmiser

yeah,

I'm still full of so much stuff, I don't have an exact diagnosis

depression, anxiety.. possibly BPD, and an adult child...

anyway, have any of you heard of ecouch?
it's an awesome website by an australian mental health group;
it's just info. and helpful tips for dealing with depresion and anxiety

Never heard of it, but i'll look into it. Never know when you'll find something really helpful.

[Zencat]

I have a personality disorder (NOS) with some of the features that include dissociation. One thing that sticks out in my mind is my ability to recall my past sexual trauma with no emotion. Its like those things that happened to me as a child were abstract and surreal today. Its strange, Ive been a witness to a horrific automobile accident...without going into detail...the people around me were visibly disturbed and yet I could feel nothing. I stood there recounting in precise detail to the emergency crew that arrived in a calm emotionless flat effect about all that happen before me. That is some of what dissociation is for me. The loss of feeling strong emotions or being able to tune emotions out.

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by Zencat

One thing that sticks out in my mind is my ability to recall my past sexual trauma with no emotion. Its like those things that happened to me as a child were abstract and surreal today. Its strange, Ive been a witness to a horrific automobile accident...without going into detail...the people around me were visibly disturbed and yet I could feel nothing.

I experience that too, someone could be crying, it could even be a friend, but I feel nothing. I just talk sort of mechanically, giving advice, but not having a feeling accompanying it. I'm just flat most of the time, I don't feel anything. At the same time I don't remember much, when I do, I don't feel along with it, its just another thing that occurred.

Sometimes I just feel fake, like my limbs don't belong to me and get the urge to check that i'm not plastic or a robot.

[Captain Kirk]

Originally Posted by Zencat

That is some of what dissociation is for me. The loss of feeling strong emotions or being able to tune emotions out.

I sometimes feel like that too! Sometimes i can tell people are expecting a reaction from me - be it a happy/sad/angry/whatever reaction - but nothing. no strong emotions at all.
I'll have to look into this Dissociation thing because I'm wondering i may have it too
When i was a child my parents took me to dozens of shrinks because they (my parents) insisted i had autism! then when they found a shrink who said i may have AS the visits to the shrinks stopped. my parents just wanted to brand me for my behaviour. i know i'm most probably not "normal", but i've always known i don't, and never did have, autism or AS.
what my parents never figured out (they still haven't) that at the time, when they were making me see all those shrinks, that they were giving me a turbulent time at home. and at the time, or ever since, they never even asked me if their was anything that was botthering me (since my younger brother was born when i was 5 my mom and dad started arguing all the time and that was botthering me! i just wanted a normal family) and to this day they still believe i have autism or AS.:wtf2
sorry to ramble.

[Rancorous]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

I sometimes feel like that too! Sometimes i can tell people are expecting a reaction from me - be it a happy/sad/angry/whatever reaction - but nothing. no strong emotions at all.
I'll have to look into this Dissociation thing because I'm wondering i may have it too
When i was a child my parents took me to dozens of shrinks because they (my parents) insisted i had autism! then when they found a shrink who said i may have AS the visits to the shrinks stopped. my parents just wanted to brand me for my behaviour. i know i'm most probably not "normal", but i've always known i don't, and never did have, autism or AS.
what my parents never figured out (they still haven't) that at the time, when they were making me see all those shrinks, that they were giving me a turbulent time at home. and at the time, or ever since, they never even asked me if their was anything that was botthering me (since my younger brother was born when i was 5 my mom and dad started arguing all the time and that was botthering me! i just wanted a normal family) and to this day they still believe i have autism or AS.:wtf2
sorry to ramble.

Your story is strikingly similar to mine. My mother kept trying to find something wrong with me to take the focus off of my dad's drinking habits. She took me to doctor after doctor and shrink after shrink. She took me to a shrink who said I was Aspergers. I've never felt that I had autism...it just didn't add up. I had met other kids who really did have it, I didn't really get along with any of them because they kept talking about the same things over and over and would get angry if you changed the subject for even just a second. I don't think i'm like that at all. I'd probably hear about it from other people if I was. Since i've been able to find my own therapist and talk for myself (my mother used to accompany me in and talk for me >_<) I found out about the dissociation. Its like someone wrote down exactly what i'd been experiencing on paper. The dissociation makes so much more sense to me because of my past. My mother still swears up and down that i'm AS and that our family life was nothing but rainbows and ponies.

In any case, it is worth checking into different things to find out answers for yourself with people you pick out for yourself.