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07-22-2009, 07:45 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Watch out...it'll fool ya!  | For those suffering from depression
Hello, folks.  This has been my experience: Back in March I was nearing 80 days sober and I was going out of my skull. Merely being sober wasn't enough--the suicidal thoughts were relentless and hope didn't apply to me. I finally gave in and called my doctor. By the time he got back to me several days later I had relapsed. I don't blame him for the relapse. I was doing so poorly my choices at the time were suicide or drink. I drank. I started going to therapy and within 2.5 weeks I quit. It was the hardest relapse to overcome by far. I had to stop so I could be placed on much needed meds for depression...because as many of you know antidepressant meds will not work when someone is abusing/using substances. I came to SR many times to vent my frustrations about how nothing was working. I was told to stick with it time and again. I didn’t want to do it at all. I wanted to give up because I was tired of fighting, but something inside me made me follow through. I had no other choice than to get better. Sticking with it has been the best decision I’ve made. I’ve gone through trial and error with my meds. The combo/dosage I’m on right now has been holding up pretty well for nearly a month. I now know what it feels like to be mentally normal. Finally. This is what I’ve been wanting and needing all along. I never thought this could be possible, but I’m living it right now. I have my not-so-pleasant moments from time to time, but those feelings are nothing like I had to go through before I got help. People who don’t have a chemical imbalance still feel pain, but they are able to manage much better than someone who has depression. If for some reason the meds I’m on cease to work I will find something that does. Being mentally stable is possible and now that I’ve had a healthy taste of it I don’t ever want to go back to that hole. My meds don’t make me feel high or lethargic. My meds make it possible for me to: Stop hating myself. Experience true happiness. Feel good. Smile and mean it. Laugh and love it. Have no more suicidal thoughts. Function well. Have hope. The meds would be useless for me without therapy. I go to therapy as much as I can and I make the most of it by being 100% honest. Outside of therapy I work on making myself well. SR is one of the tools I use to do so. All of the irrational thoughts...all of the self-loathing...all of the horrible feelings was the depression in control. Depression doesn't have to win. You can find a way out of it, but you have to seek out help and you have to do the work. It is hard, but it is worth it...and I'm looking forward to living life.
__________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. |
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| The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to Bamboozle For This Useful Post: | 24hrsAday (07-22-2009), adore79 (07-23-2009), ClayTheScribe (07-23-2009), countrycasual (08-11-2009), deerwalk (07-23-2009), historyteach (07-23-2009), hydrogirl (07-24-2009), least (07-23-2009), Lenina (07-22-2009), Makeitso (07-23-2009), mattcake79 (07-22-2009), OceanBound (07-22-2009), otterbearcat (07-22-2009), readyforhelp (07-23-2009), Rowan (07-23-2009), SpeedyJason (07-23-2009), Waterman (07-22-2009), yeahgr8 (07-22-2009), Zencat (07-23-2009) |
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07-22-2009, 08:06 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Looking for myself sober  Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: far away from the ocean
Posts: 361
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Great post, Bam! Very happy for you!  OB
__________________ "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to OceanBound For This Useful Post: | Bamboozle (07-22-2009) |
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07-22-2009, 10:11 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK
Posts: 18,236
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I am happy to read this Bam.  I think some people who haven't had real, chemical imbalance depression have no idea how bad it is.
__________________ . As from a fire aflame thousands of sparks come forth, even so from the Creator an infinity of beings have life and to him return again. -- Maitri Upanishads |
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| The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to stone For This Useful Post: | Bamboozle (07-23-2009), least (07-24-2009), OceanBound (07-23-2009), otterbearcat (07-22-2009), Rowan (07-23-2009), Zencat (07-23-2009) |
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07-23-2009, 03:49 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Social Network Moderator  Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,974
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Your post gives me hope, Bam. I can identify with being suicidal but sober - and what a terrible place it can be. I have experienced the right med combo in the past, but not for quite some time. I am just starting a new combo now, and hope that this one brings me the relief that I seek. Thanks so much for sharing.
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Rowan For This Useful Post: | Bamboozle (07-24-2009) |
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07-23-2009, 04:18 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| SR's Secular Greeter Cat.  |
What a wonderful testament to being persistent in seeking a workable treatment wile wondering if there was any hope in doing so.
__________________  “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.” -Japanese Proverb  |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Zencat For This Useful Post: | Bamboozle (07-24-2009) |
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