Just when I think I've got a handle on life

[mxchaos]

My moods start going hay wire.. My eating and Ana start kicking in and the voices come back. So just for today I will try to eat take my meds and find a meeting........ I can't afford to end up in the hospital now..... I have a great job and have been working out alot. I like my new life why does this have to happen now. Bipolar sucks

[Bamboozle]

(((mxchaos)))

[RockyGirl]

I know how you feel that happened to me not too long ago and I ended up in hospital for the first time. I am on the up again now but still anxious because my moods can change with the drop of a hairpin

love to you mxchaos and hope everything gets better for you very soon!

[mxchaos]

The thing that gets me the most is I live a totally new life except for the Ana. I'm clean and sober I don't abuse my meds and I take them as prescribed and see my team weekly along with meditation and exercise plus I'm working at a job I love so why is this still happening to me? I feel ashamed that I'm have these thoughts and feelings. and wonder how long I have f=before I start acting impulsivily again. where is serinity?

[mxchaos]

thanks it helps to have people hear me

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by mxchaos

The thing that gets me the most is I live a totally new life except for the Ana. I'm clean and sober I don't abuse my meds and I take them as prescribed and see my team weekly along with meditation and exercise plus I'm working at a job I love so why is this still happening to me? I feel ashamed that I'm have these thoughts and feelings. and wonder how long I have f=before I start acting impulsivily again. where is serinity?

That's what happened to me I was doing okay with meds etc and I had just got a job I had wanted for over 3 years and it seemed to all be going well... I even lost a bit of weight...but then for no reason at all it just went down the drain...

try to stay strong and it's good that at least you know that you are feeling a bit funny at the moment...mention this to your team!

Good luck to you friend:ghug

[martha27]

mx chaos,

I have bipolar 1 and I totally feel for you there is nothing fair about it. i had a psychotic espisode the other week completely out of the blue and at the moment I am saintly, taking my meds, no booz, no drugs etc...so why??

I guess I have this to share with you, I think b/c of past really bad experiences I got very fearful, I am sure you have terrible memories, just as I do where your mood became unblanaced and your life went down the toilet and you ended up in hospital or worse

However this is not like it was before, you mood may be unbalanced, but you have your doctor, you are taking your meds, you are not drinking, you have identified the problem very early. Therefore the treatment is not as severe and the results of tweaking your meds will act far quicker.

After my episode the other week I went straight the the doctor, I changed my meds and upped others and 2 weeks later I am feeling much better and back on track, in the past when this happened I would derail my life 6 months - 1 year and do a hell of a lot of damage while I was at it. I can live with a 2 weeks turn around.

The situation has changed, things have been going well...you are not drinking, so you will be far more aware of your moods and the good news is you are aware of what is happening and able to see it objectively for what it is a mood imbalance. Just hang in there, I was nearly slashing my wrists two weeks ago and using my psychic powers! only to be sane and on top of things 2 weeks later...just give youself a few weeks and keep the stress levels low, sleep up and see your doctor and I think you will find all of your good work will have paid off (sobriety etc) and you will turn around far quicker than in the past.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by mxchaos

The thing that gets me the most is I live a totally new life except for the Ana. I'm clean and sober I don't abuse my meds and I take them as prescribed and see my team weekly along with meditation and exercise plus I'm working at a job I love so why is this still happening to me? I feel ashamed that I'm have these thoughts and feelings. and wonder how long I have f=before I start acting impulsivily again. where is serinity?

Do not feel ashamed about your thoughts. Not only are they just thoughts--passing events of the mind--but they're a product of your illness. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient she should feel shameful for feeling pain or having negative thoughts. You've got to catch those thoughts when you see them, label them as irrational or impulsive, reaffirm the truth, and let them go on their merry way. No matter how alarming or important they may seem, they're not, they're just thoughts. Every one of us here has negative, hurtful, impulsive and/or irrational thoughts, but they have no power over us unless we let them. And never be ashamed of your feelings either. Just let them come, observe them, label them and let them go. The more you do that, the closer you are to serenity.

[mxchaos]

Originally Posted by martha27

mx chaos,

I have bipolar 1 and I totally feel for you there is nothing fair about it. i had a psychotic espisode the other week completely out of the blue and at the moment I am saintly, taking my meds, no booz, no drugs etc...so why??

I guess I have this to share with you, I think b/c of past really bad experiences I got very fearful, I am sure you have terrible memories, just as I do where your mood became unblanaced and your life went down the toilet and you ended up in hospital or worse

However this is not like it was before, you mood may be unbalanced, but you have your doctor, you are taking your meds, you are not drinking, you have identified the problem very early. Therefore the treatment is not as severe and the results of tweaking your meds will act far quicker.

After my episode the other week I went straight the the doctor, I changed my meds and upped others and 2 weeks later I am feeling much better and back on track, in the past when this happened I would derail my life 6 months - 1 year and do a hell of a lot of damage while I was at it. I can live with a 2 weeks turn around.

The situation has changed, things have been going well...you are not drinking, so you will be far more aware of your moods and the good news is you are aware of what is happening and able to see it objectively for what it is a mood imbalance. Just hang in there, I was nearly slashing my wrists two weeks ago and using my psychic powers! only to be sane and on top of things 2 weeks later...just give youself a few weeks and keep the stress levels low, sleep up and see your doctor and I think you will find all of your good work will have paid off (sobriety etc) and you will turn around far quicker than in the past.

Thank you so much it means the world to me that you shared not that I'm glad you got bad again but for reminding me that fairytale endings are just that and Im going to have to work to stay well.

[mxchaos]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

Do not feel ashamed about your thoughts. Not only are they just thoughts--passing events of the mind--but they're a product of your illness. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient she should feel shameful for feeling pain or having negative thoughts. You've got to catch those thoughts when you see them, label them as irrational or impulsive, reaffirm the truth, and let them go on their merry way. No matter how alarming or important they may seem, they're not, they're just thoughts. Every one of us here has negative, hurtful, impulsive and/or irrational thoughts, but they have no power over us unless we let them. And never be ashamed of your feelings either. Just let them come, observe them, label them and let them go. The more you do that, the closer you are to serenity.

Thank you

I do have a hard time with remembering that thoughts are just that and everybody has them. I just need to learn to let them go.

[mxchaos]

So much get insight from you and I can't thank you all enough for helping see the path in front of me.

[Bamboozle]

Hey, mx...how are you doing today?

[mxchaos]

Ok.......... learning that I'm a very sensitive person and am highly emotional. Also trying to learn what is a feeling and what is just a thought........... oh,,,,,,,,,,, and what is situational.

still working hard to stay ontop of my moods and not go back to sick thinking.

[Bamboozle]

I'm very sensitive and emotional, too.

Not much I can do about the emotions...it seems to do what it wants...but I can recognize my irrational thoughts more now.

I don't have bipolar but I do have depression. My moods can fluctuate a lot.

I'm going to try telling myself this the next time the irrational thoughts enter: "Bam, you have no obligation to act upon these thoughts. You have no obligation to believe these thoughts are valid."

I'll repeat it as much as I need to.

[mxchaos]

very helpful but learning to spot irrational thoughts is tough work

[mxchaos]

feeling out of control with emotions on the verge of Panic

[barb dwyer]

{{{{{{{{{mx}}}}}}}

we take a breath ... and then go do the dishes.
At my house, at least, dishes... are quite substantial.

You've come so FAR since we first met, hon.
I'm so proud of you!
We're exactly where we're supposed to be.
We're gonna be okay.

You have friends now.
You got us.

{{{{{{{{ big hug}}}}}}}}}



the more we learn, the harder it is to go back.

[mxchaos]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

{{{{{{{{{mx}}}}}}}

we take a breath ... and then go do the dishes.
At my house, at least, dishes... are quite substantial.

You've come so FAR since we first met, hon.
I'm so proud of you!
We're exactly where we're supposed to be.
We're gonna be okay.

You have friends now.
You got us.

{{{{{{{{ big hug}}}}}}}}}



the more we learn, the harder it is to go back.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Big hug for you my friend}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
so true I'm having a rough time but some how able to stay afloat this year without going to the hospital for months. Without you guys and my great T I'd still be living in fulltime hell now it's partime hell and that should be ok right?

[Bamboozle]

Keep hanging on, mx. Part time hell is better than full time hell, but part time hell still sucks.

Whenever my depression rears its ugly head I ride it out. I smoke a bunch of cigarettes and cry. I know smoking's bad, but at least I'm not drinking the bad feelings away.

[mxchaos]

keeping really busy yesterday helped didn't have time to think or feel. I'm betting my Tdoc will tell me I'm better than I think and I don't give myself enough credit. Emotions just suck all my good energy out.

Glad that drinking hasn't been an issue for a year I haven't even thought of going that route.

[Bamboozle]

My therapist is always getting on my case because of my self-loathing. I'm working on it.

Focusing on positive aspects helps. mx, I know it might sound corny, but maybe write down a list of all of your good qualities and pull it out and read it whenever you are feeling crappy.


Good job on the year of sobriety!

[mxchaos]

So Tdoc said to quit betting myself up and not just fill my time but do things that are social and fun. It's hard to do those things when you don't feel like it but like everything else I've done this year He said to just DO IT! Yuck.