maybe some of you will remember............but its happened again

[liesagain]

last year May of 08, my 17 year old son began to have changes in his behaviors.............in a matter of weeks be progressed into a full blown psychosis and had to be admitted to the hospital. No problems with my son before this.............well some as a child, As a child hed been diagnosed as ADHD, learning disbled (auditory processing disorder) and Gifted.

Leading up to the hospital he had rapid speech, changing subjects mid sentence and this need to "get organized" he was also irritable. Then he began telling me he could "tell" how people were feeling, had this insight that I couldnt possibly understand............then he became obsessed thinking he had something wrong with his heart.and also became obsessed thinking something was wrong with me or his dad........and began saying he "had to get away from it all" and he was paranoid of people in general---thats when I took him to the hospital. He was admitted to the psych ward and the episode progressed rapidly until I had a doctor (who I'd yet to speak to) call me telling me my son was bipolor needed shots right then as he was trying to "escape"
that was the first I'd ever heard of any illness and his panic sent sheer terror thru me. During the week he became convinced he was losing blood, the staff was killing of patients( because the patients were getting discharged) and that his food was poisioned.....he would only eat when we could visit and we convinced him it was ok

Within a week he was stablilized and came home, (stabilized on Geodon then Depakote..........but couldnt tolerate the geodon so then just depokate but gained 30 lbs in short time so than switched to Limictal for several months) intil the was taken off all meds(by the doctor)

he took the meds for almost a year, then the doctor ..........who never would give me a difinitve answer on WHY this occurred................said maybe bipolor may have been pot............or other drugs hes not admitting too (but his tox screen was negative for all drugs just trace THC when he went to hospital)

anyhow about 4 1/2 months ago the doctor started telling us that when a year was up she would discontinue the meds...............to see if the episode reaccurred. Told him what to watch for made him promise to tell if he felt changes etc

So June 5, he had issues with graduation...........oneday hes gonna graduate then some transcript error at the last minute so they told him he may not......... so he was stresssed. He did graduate everything worked out and then went out of town with his dad(we're divorced so it was his time to visit and son loves to go with dad)
................less than 2 weeks passed and his dad called, said our son was again having racing thoughts his perception was off and he was somewhat paranoid................he came home we went to the doctor...........basically they said well yes, its bipolor here restart the lamictal and come back in a month.

Its been a rough few weeks only been on the lamictal for 2 days ............this episode hes crying alot, still manic too but seems to go up and down rapidly thru the day.

SOOOOO, long story short. I could use some support............so information and some personaly experience from any of you that have bipolor.

Out doctors are so vague.........not telling me what type of bipolor or if this particular med will be enough or if he will have episodes or another psychosis

The bright side is my son now 100% believes something is wrong and he vows to never stop medicine again.

Any experience strength and imput would be great THANK YOU

[cinderellawkids]

Im sorry just sending hugs, and hope months from now he remembers and doesnt want to stop taking meds

[Bamboozle]

Hello, LA. I'm sorry I don't have any experience with bipolar. I hope someone comes along soon. Hang in there.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liesagain

last year May of 08, my 17 year old son began to have changes in his behaviors.............in a matter of weeks be progressed into a full blown psychosis and had to be admitted to the hospital. No problems with my son before this.............well some as a child, As a child hed been diagnosed as ADHD, learning disbled (auditory processing disorder) and Gifted.

Leading up to the hospital he had rapid speech, changing subjects mid sentence and this need to "get organized" he was also irritable. Then he began telling me he could "tell" how people were feeling, had this insight that I couldnt possibly understand............then he became obsessed thinking he had something wrong with his heart.and also became obsessed thinking something was wrong with me or his dad........and began saying he "had to get away from it all" and he was paranoid of people in general---thats when I took him to the hospital. He was admitted to the psych ward and the episode progressed rapidly until I had a doctor (who I'd yet to speak to) call me telling me my son was bipolor needed shots right then as he was trying to "escape"
that was the first I'd ever heard of any illness and his panic sent sheer terror thru me. During the week he became convinced he was losing blood, the staff was killing of patients( because the patients were getting discharged) and that his food was poisioned.....he would only eat when we could visit and we convinced him it was ok

Within a week he was stablilized and came home, (stabilized on Geodon then Depakote..........but couldnt tolerate the geodon so then just depokate but gained 30 lbs in short time so than switched to Limictal for several months) intil the was taken off all meds(by the doctor)

he took the meds for almost a year, then the doctor ..........who never would give me a difinitve answer on WHY this occurred................said maybe bipolor may have been pot............or other drugs hes not admitting too (but his tox screen was negative for all drugs just trace THC when he went to hospital)

anyhow about 4 1/2 months ago the doctor started telling us that when a year was up she would discontinue the meds...............to see if the episode reaccurred. Told him what to watch for made him promise to tell if he felt changes etc

So June 5, he had issues with graduation...........oneday hes gonna graduate then some transcript error at the last minute so they told him he may not......... so he was stresssed. He did graduate everything worked out and then went out of town with his dad(we're divorced so it was his time to visit and son loves to go with dad)
................less than 2 weeks passed and his dad called, said our son was again having racing thoughts his perception was off and he was somewhat paranoid................he came home we went to the doctor...........basically they said well yes, its bipolor here restart the lamictal and come back in a month.

Its been a rough few weeks only been on the lamictal for 2 days ............this episode hes crying alot, still manic too but seems to go up and down rapidly thru the day.

SOOOOO, long story short. I could use some support............so information and some personaly experience from any of you that have bipolor.

Out doctors are so vague.........not telling me what type of bipolor or if this particular med will be enough or if he will have episodes or another psychosis

The bright side is my son now 100% believes something is wrong and he vows to never stop medicine again.

Any experience strength and imput would be great THANK YOU

I would go with your son's intuition on this one. It sounds like, based on his previous episode with severe paranoia, that he has bi-polar with psychotic features. I would suggest him going back on the Geodon to calm his anxiety and slow down the more psychotic, paranoid thoughts. He also needs to be doing talk therapy. There's just no way of recovering from mental illness without meds AND talk therapy to give him tools to counter the paranoid, negative thoughts. Your son's doctors seem odd, especially pulling him off the meds to see if he has another episode. That's not right to experiment like that. Are they actually psychiatrists? If they're just general practitioners, you need to see an actual psychiatrist right away, or maybe just see a different psychiatrist, because GPs know next to nothing about mental health. I would get a second opinion. Also does he exercise? He should be doing 30 minutes a day 3-5 days a week. That's fundamental in treating depression.

The best thing you can do is to be supportive of him and monitor when he goes into his manic phases. If it persists, you may need to up the dose on the Lemictal. Also make sure he avoids caffeine and amphetamines as those can spur manic episodes. And depending on how much pot he smoked--he needs to be honest about that--it can definitely trigger paranoia and psychosis, especially if he already has latent bipolar disorder.

Good luck and take care,

Clayton

[liesagain]

Thanks for the replies..........

Clayton, the doctor is a psychiatrists. Basically having has one episode of psychosis apparently isnt "enough" to as the doctor said.............label his with the diagnosis and keep him on meds for life. So apparently the treatment plan after initial psychosis is to use the meds for a year then stop them. They told me that there was only a 5% chance that the mania and psychosis will never return again.........( as a mom I was clinging to that 5% for dear life) but most likely it would return............the question at that time was when. They said it could take weeks or months even years.

So I guess the upside is it happened sooner(while he was still living at home)

We( he and I) are trying to learn all we can about the illness so all imput is great!!!

oh yeah..the geodon....he developed the prolonged Qt intervale an ECG/EKG change ( a rare side effect)and cant ever take that again.............

[SugarScars]

I am so sorry to hear that your doctors suffer from sheer ignorance. They are sending the message to your son that there is something wrong with needing to take medication everyday for the treatment of a life-threatening illness and reinforcing his thoughts that medication isn't really necessary.

The medical community has let me down a number of times as well, so please know that I deeply sympathize with both you and your son's situation. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I & II, Rapid Cycling Bipolar, ADD/ADHD several times, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (which is the only correct diagnoses out of the entire bunch), among others - some harmful, such as personality disorders.

Really, I was just very drunk and drugged. Once a doctor got me talking about that, all of those other diagnoses were scratched out and substance abuse treatment was sought out. After treating the real problem, I still have problems - but no symptoms of any disorders other than Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Substance Abuse that is in remission at this point.

I met with a psychiatrist at a well-known behavioral health facility one time, only to be told after 15 minutes of talking with him that I suffered from Major Depression and needed an anti-depressant.

I no longer seem to suffer from this problem ... probably because it was never there.

Your son's case is obviously the opposite. In his instance, his doctors are telling him that perhaps he does not have a disease, when he actually does.

If you can, get a second opinion. Otherwise, I would just tell all of your concerns to the doctor, point-blank, to get a reasonable explanation for his/her choices.

Keep us posted.

Sugar xo

[SugarScars]

I would also like to say that my doctors have never told me that Bipolar Disorder "goes away" and that stopping medication is a reasonable option. Please research all that you can to find out if this is actually the case. Just because I've never heard of it, doesn't mean that it isn't correct. However, all of the information that I've gathered points to the opposite.

Please seek a second opinion. That is my best advice.

[martha27]

Hello liesagain

For a really proactive, caring, beautiful mother you have an unusual name 'liesagain' maybe it is related to your original post, which I am afraid I missed. I read your post yesterday but I wanted to think about my reply before posting, to think about your son and how I can best help him and you right now. I needed to get my mind back to the first episodes I had and remembering that terrifying time for myself and my family.

I have the same illness as you son, Bipolar 1 with psychotic episodes. I was not properly diagnosed until I was 30 years old (why I was not diagnosed is unimportant for you right now) and my episodes started when I was your sons age, during that period of 13 years I achieved magnificent feats, such a being a top trader on the futures floor, getting into law degree, marrying a multi-millionaire, starting my own business, etc. I also managed to flunk my law degree, divorce the multi-millionaire and become addicted to alcohol and have 3 full blown psychotic episodes. You get the picture...starts to look like a pattern doesn't it? My family had this beautiful talented, popular daughter, with a crack in her....and the grief for them was terrible.

Psychosis: In order to give you an idea of what it is like to feel after a psychotic episode I will give you a very brief example that actually happened to me 2 weeks ago as a result of giving up alcohol and medication not quite right. I have my own business which is very successful, I have about 12 staff, I needed to give them a pep talk and also identify a few areas that needed improvement, no big deal just a routine weekly 'power talk' (which they normally love). I got up in front of them all and delivered exactly what I thought I outlined to you above, a very postive uplifting talk with an underlining tone of seriousness about a things. I looked at them all and wound up the talk, asked if anyone had any questions and then suddenly realised that they all looked like stunned mullets, then one of them started to cry. I had no idea what had just happened, I walked to the kitchen and one of my staff appraoched me and said "gosh that was a bit rough", then my paranoia kicked in, I felt that everyone was now staring at me after this speech, what had just happened? I could not make head nor tail of it. I felt terrible, I made a staff member cry, now they were all talking about me. I went home early, I rang my doctor!

I have a great doctor now, we talked through this event and the fact that I had ignored early warning signs, that my staff probably were confused by my behaviour and that this could be rectified, my meds needed to be tweaked and I needed a good rest and three days off work. I now feel great, I have chatted to my staff individually and came up with an excuse with the help of my doctor, spoke to my parents who helped me emotionally through it and I am now on the up and up. This situation when I was your sons age would have escalated into a full blown psychotic espisode (and it did many times). I will talk more about family, doctors and patients later down.

Your sons current state: After a psychotic episode I always feel very ashamed, about things like making that staff member cry in the speech I gave, I still feel bad about that. I also feel very frightened about my own mind, it feels that there is a monster lurking in there that could pop out at any moment (with education and training you can preempt this monster) I had no idea when I delivered that speech that I was in a state of mild psychosis. Every aspect of my behaviour I start to double check in my own mind b/c I could not trust that my perseption was acurate, for example after the speech I tried to limit interaction with people and stop answering the phone. I felt terrible grief for what I put my family through, after the speech incident I started thinking about what a freak I was . I also felt overwhlemed with people asking me what they could do for me, this contributes to my paranoid state. In summary after the speech incidentt I felt scared of my own mind, ashamed of behaviour which I was not even concious of at the time and grief stricken about the damge I had brought to innocent people, myself and my family.

What you can do: As a mother I can hear you crying out "what can I do" firstly help your son identify these feelings of shame disorentation etc, calm him down about the fact that his perception that "everyone knows hes a freak" etc are not accurate. You need to be the sane mind that he can mirrior himself against, tell him that you will never lie to him and always tell him the truth no matter how bad, so he knows what the reality is. Secondly I am sure you feel a bit confused about why the other posters have said negative things about your sons doctor, the fact of the matter is that it does not sound like you have a great relationship with the doctor. I will outline my relationship with my doctor below and you can see (I went throough 3 doctors before I found this one)

1) I see my doctor once every 2 weeks
2) We have a 'keep well plan' in place so that my 'team' (dad, brother, husband) can ring her if I start going of the rails, I have agreed to the 'keep well plan'
3) My 'team' went and had a meeting with my doctor without me present to ask about my illness and educate themselves
4) I have embarked on a plan to better understand my episodes and pick up on them before they escalate - hence calling doctor after speech episode.
5) I have to make life decisions such as having a baby (not an option for me sadly) changing jobs with her.
6) My medication is still being tweaked years on but it works extremely well, especially for the hallucinations which I no longer hear and the anxiety which has virtually gone - I cannot tell you the relief.
7) we have a plan in place if I need to go to hospital, who will look after my business etc. This allows me to come forward when I am ill.

My relationship with my doctor is completely based on a foundation of trust and her belief that I am the best person to manage my illness and to empower me and my 'team'. I had to go through 3 hideous doctors to find her, they do exist but you have to fight for it, badger every mental health expert until you find one that works with teens and comes highly recommended, don't give up embrace the 'wolf mother' in you!! This is what you can do for your son, b/c if he has a doctor that he can trust and learn about his illness then he can have a contained little situation like my speech episode and not do the damage to his life as I have done to mine.

Trust your instincts, your his mum, don't take no for an answer, find him the best doctor you possibly can!! THE BEST!!

This is the longest post I do apologise, please feel free to PM me if you wish and thank you to everyone who posted, my biggest grief in life is still the stigma and treatment that mental health patients and famlies have to endure - its a sad indictment on our society. Keep fighting!

Martha x

[liesagain]

Thank you all for your replies...............and your concern, and information

I dont think I explained the first episode clearly......or the doctors decision to stop the meds after the first year.

Basically at 17, my son had odd behaviors(that in hindsight I NOW know was hypomania, then mania then psychosis)

the progression was rapid and I took him to the local ER at that point he was paranoid and losing touch with parts of reality.

they did CT scans of his brain, complete lab work up and drug screen to see if there was something medically wrong........Nothing...trace THC/Pot in his urine.

he was then admitted to the psych unit at about 6am(after some 12 hours in the ER)
they told me to go home and I could see him at 6pm............but then around 3pm I received a call from the hospital doctor, who started out asking me if there was mental illness in my family...........all during the call I could hear my son screamimg "mom help me!!!!!" and my son was trying to grab the phone from her...........she then tells me"your son is in a psychotic episode I need your permission to sedate him........my son was screaming for me and trying to grab the phone from her, then tried to run out the door)........
I consented and he was given injections

this was all out of the blue.....I was scared to death........told her yes do what you have to, to make this stop.
He stayed in that unit for a week............stabalized with the meds and sent home with a follow-up appt with a different doctor.(thank goodness) NO diagnosis AT ALL they just called it a Psychotic episode...........with no explaination

The doctor we saw after the hospitalization, told us up front...........that it was bipolar 99.9% sure

Of course I didnt want to think that, and neither did my son.
I wanted to KNOW for sure and as you know there is no test ........so they explained that after a year he would be tapered off the meds and monitored...........to see if the "episode" reoccurred.

The doctor talked to my son and explained that He (son) would need to be aware of his moods and tell me about any change...........

He did great for 4 months but the symptoms returned. And as he had promised me and his doctor he told us it was happening.......the only hard part of that is he doesnt notice the small changes it wasnt until it was getting bad that he realised it and his best friend saw it too and said TELL your mom or I am.

Honestly, today I am grateful that he was taken off the meds..........because this time he is 100% sure that it is bipolar..........and he is willing to take medication forever.

Before........he really believed that he was just "stressed" or smoked to much pot............and he truely believed that being put in the hospital is the "reason it got so bad"

Now, he has no doubts. Hes asking questions about the illness, management and his future...........today he wants to do anything he can to make sure "it" doesnt happen again.

We've discussed getting him a therapist.........that he can trust and really talk to, and also the importance of self advocating and self monitoring and reporting.

Right now he feels cheated...........that he wont be able to drink, smoke pot or as he says "do what all college kids do" (I know NOT ALL and I tell him that but hes 18 what can I say)

But hes also NOT ashamed he seems to understand that its an illness that he couldnt prevent.

Tonight I heard him on the phone telling 2 different friends............"no, I cant go out, I'm tired and I have to sleep or my bi-polar wont get stable"

My heart aches for him, yet I am also proud of him. Also ....his main close friends are really supportive and thats great. He tlaks to them openly and they even were laughing together today about some of the things he was saying last week during his episode

I am thankful for all of you who take your time to share your experiences.........I know we have a long road ahead But he can live a healthy, happy stable life but alot of that is going to be up to him and his compliance.

Martha.......what you said about telling him I will always tell him the truth.....

We actually JUST talked about that today, that NO matter how old he is, no matter whats happening in his life..............I love him and I'm here for him and I will never lie or let him down .............when his brain tries to trick him...........he can always count on me to tell the truth so he doesnt have to doubt.

MY main job right now is to calmly answer, calmly respond and not let him see me upset or worried...............because that makes him NOT want to tell me anything......... because he doesnt want me to be upset or scared.

So I reassure him I"M not afraid AT ALL, I KNOW this will be fine .....never cured but controlled.......I am sure his life will be great.

( he has alot of fears about his "adult" future)

I told him today..........that he doesnt have to worry, that even if his brain tells him he doesnt need help or meds or if his episodes ever get so bad he cant make decisions THAT I can and will go to court if I have to, I would NEVER give up on him or just leave him in an "episode" (that seems to be his greatest fear at this time.

We have also discussed him consenting to appointing a power of attorney for himself.........like me and his dad.

Hes really thinking about his illness and how it could affect him and he wants to be proactive..............for today I dont know what more I could hope for.

Thanks everyone!!!

[martha27]

Hi Liesagain

It sounds like you are all in a good place, and as your family moves forward it will get so much better.

You have a lot to be thankful for in that his episode was so severe as to scare him to death, I mean that in the nicest possible way, as a lot of the sufferers on this site and outside don't have such a severe psychosis but just enough to really damage their lives and it trickles on and on and they self medicate etc.

Make sure your son buys into his own treatment plan and I am sure he will go on to have a successful life with Bipolar.

Keep loving each other, good luck to you!

[unholy_mess]

Sounds like you're going through a lot...but it also sounds like you're taking some really, really positive steps in getting this thing under control. And it's great that your son is accepting his diagnosis and learning to live with it.
That was the hardest part for me...learning how to live my life so that it's still my life and yet recognizing that how I lived my life affects my mental state.
I'm very impressed about him telling his friends he needed sleep. That, for me, is one of the most important things...sleep. One of the easiest ways for me to tell if I'm starting to head off center is to be aware of my sleep patterns and when they start to change (for me, too much typically means I'm heading towards a depression, too little means I'm starting the climb up to my own particular form of mania). Eating is another one of those things I try to pay attention to as a signal of a mood shift.
Something I've sort of had to come to terms with is that my life isn't ever going to be the same as everyone else's. There are things about which I must be vigilant...I need to be aware of my mental state whereas most people don't necessarily keep themselves in check all the time. I have to stay on a good schedule. I have to take medications. But all in all, nothing that is negative...just different. Your son can have a perfectly "normal" (as normal as any of us really ever are...haha) life with bipolar. It seems like you're doing a good job of reminding him of that.
It's really important to have a good, stable, loving support system in place and you guys seem to have that for him, which is great.
Good luck...I hope things continue to keep looking up! Sounds like you're heading down the right track!

[ClayTheScribe]

You've taken some great steps and are doing everything right, and he seems to have a good grip on his illness (I didn't understand it that well at 18).

I want to encourage you to find him a therapist as soon as you can because the meds will only keep him stabilized, but the therapy is where he works and gets tools to deal with the illness. Also, I'd encourage him to attend a NAMI Connections support group. That's where he can connect with other people with bipolar and mental illness, learn their experiences and get help with how to deal with his illness. I'd also recommend getting the book The Mindful Way Through Depression.

Continued success,

Clayton

[liesagain]

wanted to update..............

my son has reached his intended dose on the lamictal and he is doing great back to his normal self.......actually maybe better than normal he seems more calm (he was always hyperactive even before the BP diagnosis)

hes been very deligent with his meds and hes open and honest about how hes feeling.

thanks for all the support, just wanted to let you all know he's doing great