They fired me :-(

[RockyGirl]

the job that I had wanted since I was 16 (now 19) I finally got a couple of months ago...there was a probationary period and I got through that then about 2-3 weeks later (Friday just gone) my boss fired me...said I wasn't improving...I don't know what to do...

this just keeps happening and I honestly tried my hardest 100% I really did and it wasn't good enough...so I have started drinking and neglecting my meds...I am seeing my therapist again this week and I'm booking another docs appointment cos I just feel so low and out of control...

I still keep seeing these visions in my head whenever I close my eyes and at nighttime the voices still bother me...I'm so scared

Everything is just so messed up

I am now even more convinced of my bipolar because about a month ago I was on such a high (I posted a thread on here before) I spent loads of money and had those amazing ideas and was more energetic...

now it's all gone to pot and I really do just feel so out of control...I can't recognize the person I once was...

[suki44883]

It doesn't sound like now is a good time to be neglecting your meds. Glad you are seeing your doctor soon. (((HUGS)))

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by suki44883

It doesn't sound like now is a good time to be neglecting your meds. Glad you are seeing your doctor soon. (((HUGS)))

thank you...I just can't seem to be bothered with them I just wanna stay in bed and cry

thank you for your support!

[Freedom1990]

The combination of drinking and not taking your meds is not going to help anything.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I've been fired from more than one job, and it is hard.

:ghug :ghug

[suki44883]

It only takes a few seconds to take your meds. Then, you can crawl back into bed and cry. Sometimes, that's just what we need...a good cry. (((HUGS)))

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

The combination of drinking and not taking your meds is not going to help anything.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I've been fired from more than one job, and it is hard.

:ghug :ghug

it's a horrible feeling of rejection...and because now the last 3 jobs i've had they all have noticed that i'm not well in the head and I really do try to do well I really do I promise it's just really hard...you can't just walk out the door in the morning and say "i'm leaving u at home today depression/anxiety/fear/hyperness" it just doesn't work like that!

Thank you for your words

Originally Posted by suki44883

It only takes a few seconds to take your meds. Then, you can crawl back into bed and cry. Sometimes, that's just what we need...a good cry. (((HUGS)))

I try, but it is hard...I will try harder...seems like my whole life revolves around trying...I never actually achieve anything...

[suki44883]

Come on now...get out of that bed, get something to drink (non-alcoholic, lol), walk to your meds and take them. Less that 3 minutes, tops! You can do this!

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Come on now...get out of that bed, get something to drink (non-alcoholic, lol), walk to your meds and take them. Less that 3 minutes, tops! You can do this!

3 minutes where I could be lying in bed self pitying and thinking about what happened to me and how my life has turned so crap...bloody hell I am so not a 'glass is half full' sort of person.

I always take my citalopram ... I have trouble taking my olanzapine but I try...it's just that it gives me funny dreams ...not funny haha either...

[suki44883]

Oh, you can still pity yourself while you're taking your meds. Only difference is, you'll be erect instead of prone.

[Bamboozle]

I'm not a "glass is half full" person, either.

Small steps...small goals...equals big achievement. You may not be able to control how you feel in regards to what happened, but you can control taking your pills. Taking your pills is something you can do to fight this nasty beast.

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Oh, you can still pity yourself while you're taking your meds. Only difference is, you'll be erect instead of prone.

fair enough I will give in this time...

you've actually managed to cheer me up a bit...that never normally happens u know lol

Thank you so much Suki :ghug:ghug

[Cleansing]

Im very sorry you feel so low. I know when I didn't take my meds it was either because I was using drugs and didn't care or because i was too depressed to get a cup of water and take them, I just wanted to be in bed. I would say "what's the point?" But there is a point, you're on meds for a reason, and not taking them throws you off for longer than you expect. The way they work is that you need a certain amount in your blood stream and that eventually hits your brain and changes all the chemistry. I agree with the other poster, it only takes a few seconds, reaslly push yourself to take them. Please. I want you to feel better.

Do you find that they don't work? Is that part of the reason why you don' take them?
or are you just depressed and don't give a fukk right now? Both reasons are valid. Because it soudns like maybe you're feeling low because you got fired, and aren't caring as much. But i remember another thread from you, and maybe you may neeed some other meds. What meds are you on? If you don't midn telling.

And the drinking must stop, most of these meds juts don't work with even one drink. I know if I take just one drink, my Lithium (mood stabilizer) andwellbutrin XL (antidepressants) bassically don't work. Plus alcohol is a known depressant. so even with meds I can drink on, the affect won't be the same.

Good luck, with your appointments. i hope they can be a ray of hope.

[suki44883]

Hey...any time! Glad to be of help. I knew you could do it! (((HUGS)))

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Bamboozle

I'm not a "glass is half full" person, either.

Small steps...small goals...equals big achievement. You may not be able to control how you feel in regards to what happened, but you can control taking your pills. Taking your pills is something you can do to fight this nasty beast.

Thank you Bam! You and Suki have managed to make my day a little more enjoyable !
Thank u both! :ghug

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Bamboozle

I'm not a "glass is half full" person, either.

Small steps...small goals...equals big achievement. You may not be able to control how you feel in regards to what happened, but you can control taking your pills. Taking your pills is something you can do to fight this nasty beast.

Double post sorry

[Cleansing]

about the meds part, that was wrong of me, i don't really know your situation fully or what you're on. But if you feeling this bad, tell your doctor that maybe something is off, maybe something is missing. also tell him/her that you stopped taking them. peace.

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Bamboozle

I'm not a "glass is half full" person, either.

Small steps...small goals...equals big achievement. You may not be able to control how you feel in regards to what happened, but you can control taking your pills. Taking your pills is something you can do to fight this nasty beast.

thank you for your post Bam! I wish the nasty beast would just go away...it's been with me since I was 11 I think I deserve a break...or maybe I don't

Originally Posted by Cleansing

Im very sorry you feel so low. I know when I didn't take my meds it was either because I was using drugs and didn't care or because i was too depressed to get a cup of water and take them, I just wanted to be in bed. I would say "what's the point?" But there is a point, you're on meds for a reason, and not taking them throws you off for longer than you expect. The way they work is that you need a certain amount in your blood stream and that eventually hits your brain and changes all the chemistry. I agree with the other poster, it only takes a few seconds, reaslly push yourself to take them. Please. I want you to feel better.

Do you find that they don't work? Is that part of the reason why you don' take them?
or are you just depressed and don't give a fukk right now? Both reasons are valid. Because it soudns like maybe you're feeling low because you got fired, and aren't caring as much. But i remember another thread from you, and maybe you may neeed some other meds. What meds are you on? If you don't midn telling.

And the drinking must stop, most of these meds juts don't work with even one drink. I know if I take just one drink, my Lithium (mood stabilizer) andwellbutrin XL (antidepressants) bassically don't work. Plus alcohol is a known depressant. so even with meds I can drink on, the affect won't be the same.

Good luck, with your appointments. i hope they can be a ray of hope.

thank you for your post...I don't take them because I can't see the point because I don't think they work and I just can't be bothered because I am usually too depressed.

I am on Citalopram 40 mg and Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 10 mgs daily...My doc has also prescribed me beta blockers for anxiety

thank you again for your words :ghug

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Hey...any time! Glad to be of help. I knew you could do it! (((HUGS)))

[Bamboozle]

Originally Posted by RockyGirl

thank you for your post Bam! I wish the nasty beast would just go away...it's been with me since I was 11 I think I deserve a break...or maybe I don't

Of course you deserve a break!

I'm on some meds right now...and I want to stop taking them for some of the side effects. I won't stop, though...doing so would make my situation even worse. The depression is bad enough to cut through the meds sometimes...yesterday was really bad. I feel alright today, though.

I get tired of dealing with this. Many times I want to throw in the towel and let it take me........but despite this there's a small part of me that wants to get through this crap. There is happiness out there for me and I want it...and need it....and somehow I'm going to find it.

I need to call my doctor to get my meds adjusted again. It's such a pain of trial and error and I don't want to do it at all, but do it I must. Hang in there, RockyGirl.

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by Bamboozle

Of course you deserve a break!

I'm on some meds right now...and I want to stop taking them for some of the side effects. I won't stop, though...doing so would make my situation even worse. The depression is bad enough to cut through the meds sometimes...yesterday was really bad. I feel alright today, though.

I get tired of dealing with this. Many times I want to throw in the towel and let it take me........but despite this there's a small part of me that wants to get through this crap. There is happiness out there for me and I want it...and need it....and somehow I'm going to find it.

I need to call my doctor to get my meds adjusted again. It's such a pain of trial and error and I don't want to do it at all, but do it I must. Hang in there, RockyGirl.

Make u a deal...i'll hang in there if you do eh?

[ClayTheScribe]

RockyGirl,

What do you enjoy doing? What are your interests? You need to pursue those. I know for me the thing that cut my depression and made it seem more manageable was doing what I loved to do, which, for me, is writing.

Don't worry about this job right now. There will be others down the road. You're going through a rough time in your life right now, struggling with a debilitating illness, how well are you supposed to perform? That's not a reflection on you as person. Sometimes these opportunities just come along at the wrong time. You're only 19, you've got plenty of time to find other jobs and find jobs that you love. You're at a very crucial and tumultous age, but I promise if you can make it to 21, things will start to look up. It's not the end of the road, even if it feels like it. Communicate clearly with your therapist and psychiatrist about what's going on in your head, especially with your hallucinations. Enough people have told you to stay on your meds, so I'll save it. Just know that if you miss one day, it's going to mess up your cycle for the week and you'll feel worse. Plus it might make you suicidal and you do not deserve to die. You're not a bad person or worthless and you are important to people, at the very least the people on this forum. You've just run into a ditch--now you need to get people who care for you and who are looking out for your wellbeing to come help pull you out. Remember that you are breathing, so there's more right with you than wrong.

Take care,
Clay

[martha27]

Rockygirl; when I was your age I was undiagnosed and unmedicated with bipolar, I had ceased all communication with my normal middle class family, I was living as a prostitute with other protitutes working 7 days a week in the red light district, my boyfriend was a standover man for the mafia, I was completely off in a grandiose fantasty, I caught 2 STD's and I nearly lost my life in a violent incident. I was not addicted to drugs, this was the first of one of my manic episodes, there would be many more and being unmedicated meant I would put my life at risk.

18 years later I have my own business, which is kinda famous, I have a husband and I have the most beautiful daughter in the world, my animals which I love (I know you do to). These days no-one, not even my husband knows about my past I am sharing it with you so you can see how serious not taking medication can be and why the posters here are urging you and also so that you can see you can have a life, you can even have a successful life. I now have my illness under control, a good doctor, the right medication and I live a copletely different life. A life I could have only dreamed of when I was 18 years old.

It is HARD, nonone knows how hard it is to cope with a mental illness other than the people that do, but look to all the role models you have on this site reaching out to you, caring for you and offering their experiences. YOU CAN DO IT, take your meds, look after your health, with stable mind and the right medication this job issue will be a long forgotten hicup - FOCUS ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH Rocky Girl, you can do it and it will take time, it won't be a quick fix, but you deserve a good life and a happy life

p.s. Thank you to the posters on this thread who offered such sound and gentle advice, thank goodness for people like you!

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

RockyGirl,

What do you enjoy doing? What are your interests? You need to pursue those. I know for me the thing that cut my depression and made it seem more manageable was doing what I loved to do, which, for me, is writing.

Don't worry about this job right now. There will be others down the road. You're going through a rough time in your life right now, struggling with a debilitating illness, how well are you supposed to perform? That's not a reflection on you as person. Sometimes these opportunities just come along at the wrong time. You're only 19, you've got plenty of time to find other jobs and find jobs that you love. You're at a very crucial and tumultous age, but I promise if you can make it to 21, things will start to look up. It's not the end of the road, even if it feels like it. Communicate clearly with your therapist and psychiatrist about what's going on in your head, especially with your hallucinations. Enough people have told you to stay on your meds, so I'll save it. Just know that if you miss one day, it's going to mess up your cycle for the week and you'll feel worse. Plus it might make you suicidal and you do not deserve to die. You're not a bad person or worthless and you are important to people, at the very least the people on this forum. You've just run into a ditch--now you need to get people who care for you and who are looking out for your wellbeing to come help pull you out. Remember that you are breathing, so there's more right with you than wrong.

Take care,
Clay

Hi, thank you for your words they really mean a lot to me. I just feel so lost all the time but I will continue to take me medication...it just seems like a hassle that I can't be bothered with to be honest...I don't really enjoy doing anything to be super honest ... I used to like reading, writing, drawing, seeing my friends etc but now I don't really take pleasure in any of those things...

thank you so much for your support and help!

Originally Posted by martha27

Rockygirl; when I was your age I was undiagnosed and unmedicated with bipolar, I had ceased all communication with my normal middle class family, I was living as a prostitute with other protitutes working 7 days a week in the red light district, my boyfriend was a standover man for the mafia, I was completely off in a grandiose fantasty, I caught 2 STD's and I nearly lost my life in a violent incident. I was not addicted to drugs, this was the first of one of my manic episodes, there would be many more and being unmedicated meant I would put my life at risk.

18 years later I have my own business, which is kinda famous, I have a husband and I have the most beautiful daughter in the world, my animals which I love (I know you do to). These days no-one, not even my husband knows about my past I am sharing it with you so you can see how serious not taking medication can be and why the posters here are urging you and also so that you can see you can have a life, you can even have a successful life. I now have my illness under control, a good doctor, the right medication and I live a copletely different life. A life I could have only dreamed of when I was 18 years old.

It is HARD, nonone knows how hard it is to cope with a mental illness other than the people that do, but look to all the role models you have on this site reaching out to you, caring for you and offering their experiences. YOU CAN DO IT, take your meds, look after your health, with stable mind and the right medication this job issue will be a long forgotten hicup - FOCUS ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH Rocky Girl, you can do it and it will take time, it won't be a quick fix, but you deserve a good life and a happy life

p.s. Thank you to the posters on this thread who offered such sound and gentle advice, thank goodness for people like you!

Hi,

thank you so much for letting me see that there is a better way of life...the thing is i'm in such a destructive mood all the time that I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel...

I am focusing on my MH...and I will go and see the psychiatrist again...

thank you for your lovely words and your support and help. It really does mean a lot to me.


:ghug

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by RockyGirl

Hi, thank you for your words they really mean a lot to me. I just feel so lost all the time but I will continue to take me medication...it just seems like a hassle that I can't be bothered with to be honest...I don't really enjoy doing anything to be super honest ... I used to like reading, writing, drawing, seeing my friends etc but now I don't really take pleasure in any of those things...

thank you so much for your support and help!




Hi,

thank you so much for letting me see that there is a better way of life...the thing is i'm in such a destructive mood all the time that I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel...

I am focusing on my MH...and I will go and see the psychiatrist again...

thank you for your lovely words and your support and help. It really does mean a lot to me.


:ghug

Might I also say, RockyGirl, that it's really important you not go through this alone. While your natural instinct is to stay shuddered inside, maybe because you don't won't to bother anyone else, now is the time to connect with friends and family (unless connecting with family would do more harm than good). If you can't count on friends, try finding a mental health support group--I'd imagine there are plenty in Britain, and lean on those people.

I know what it's like to lose interest in things you once loved doing, that's part of depression, but even under that self-destructive and depressive haze there is something you are passionate about. Chase after that with all the energy you can muster, even if it doesn't seem pleasurable at first. And if you don't know what you're passionate about, now's the time to find out. I know that seems like a heavy task right now, but it will lend to your salvation from this illness. I don't even you being at your age, but this is a period of tremendous growth opportunity and you can't let a winnable illness take away the chance to learn and be happy again. You WILL be happy again and there's no reason for you to hurt yourself, even if you've failed or hurt others. There is redemption for everyone, especially yourself. You are important, even if you don't feel like it. We here love you and we don't want you to hurt yourself.

I'd reccomend doing enjoyable activities that don't take much energy like listening to music you enjoy--what kind of music do you like?--and watching very humorous movies or TV shows that at the very least will make you smile. And don't feel guilty about laughing or smiling, that's just another silly impulse from the depression. I know that gets me sometime. Smiling and laughing will give you relief from depression, even if temporary, and change your mood. The reason you're still alive is because a part of you believes in self-preservation. Go with that part, even though you may feel you don't deserve to or don't want to.

And if you're having problems getting up or staying out of bed, ask your psychiatrist about Ritalin, Adderrall and ProVigil. That'll give you more energy and improve your mood a bit.

I know it's hard to read now, but I want to recommend a book that helped me out A LOT. It's called The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. They are all leading psychologists and it combines Buddhist teachings of mindfulness with cognitive behavioral therapy. Don't worry, there's no religious or spiritual content, it's all based on science. But it's enormously helpful and I'd recommend it to anyone with any level of depression. It's $20US and comes with a disc of meditative exercises (I'd wait to do them until you feel less chaotic), but might be available at your local library.



Good luck and take care

[RockyGirl]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

Might I also say, RockyGirl, that it's really important you not go through this alone. While your natural instinct is to stay shuddered inside, maybe because you don't won't to bother anyone else, now is the time to connect with friends and family (unless connecting with family would do more harm than good). If you can't count on friends, try finding a mental health support group--I'd imagine there are plenty in Britain, and lean on those people.

I know what it's like to lose interest in things you once loved doing, that's part of depression, but even under that self-destructive and depressive haze there is something you are passionate about. Chase after that with all the energy you can muster, even if it doesn't seem pleasurable at first. And if you don't know what you're passionate about, now's the time to find out. I know that seems like a heavy task right now, but it will lend to your salvation from this illness. I don't even you being at your age, but this is a period of tremendous growth opportunity and you can't let a winnable illness take away the chance to learn and be happy again. You WILL be happy again and there's no reason for you to hurt yourself, even if you've failed or hurt others. There is redemption for everyone, especially yourself. You are important, even if you don't feel like it. We here love you and we don't want you to hurt yourself.

I'd reccomend doing enjoyable activities that don't take much energy like listening to music you enjoy--what kind of music do you like?--and watching very humorous movies or TV shows that at the very least will make you smile. And don't feel guilty about laughing or smiling, that's just another silly impulse from the depression. I know that gets me sometime. Smiling and laughing will give you relief from depression, even if temporary, and change your mood. The reason you're still alive is because a part of you believes in self-preservation. Go with that part, even though you may feel you don't deserve to or don't want to.

And if you're having problems getting up or staying out of bed, ask your psychiatrist about Ritalin, Adderrall and ProVigil. That'll give you more energy and improve your mood a bit.

I know it's hard to read now, but I want to recommend a book that helped me out A LOT. It's called The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. They are all leading psychologists and it combines Buddhist teachings of mindfulness with cognitive behavioral therapy. Don't worry, there's no religious or spiritual content, it's all based on science. But it's enormously helpful and I'd recommend it to anyone with any level of depression. It's $20US and comes with a disc of meditative exercises (I'd wait to do them until you feel less chaotic), but might be available at your local library.



Good luck and take care

Hi Clay,

thank you so much for this! You have managed to make this day more bearable...I am now coming to like SR very much it is helping me a lot.

Thank you for all the useful information about the meds and I will definitely be checking that book out as if i'm not too depressed I like to read.

I am very close to my family but I hate to let them know what's really going on in my head because I don't want to hurt them any more than I already have :-(

If I don't feel too depressed I like to watch american dad and family guy...and the music i like varies depending on my mood usually...I like listening from everything from rap to Frank Sinatra so I have a wide variety of musical likes...

once again I have to say thank you so much...it's people like you we need more in this world

xx

Also, can I add you as a friend ? please