In your own words, describe schizophrenia. Bi-polar disorder. Which am I?

[Cleansing]

I've been diagnosed with Major depression disorder in December 2005, In April 2006, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder type 2. In 2007, I was diagnosed as major depressive with psychotic features. Since August 2008 I've been schizophrenic. This latest diagnosis happened while i was in the psych ward. They evaluated my history and I had two violent incidents while in the psych ward, so they figured I was either schizophrenic or schizoaffective. Next thing i know, I'm out the hospital, and in a day treatment program, and my diagnosis is schizophrenia.

I still don't believe it though. I feel like i'm misdiagnosed.

My understanding of it is that there is a split in the mind. Your full brain is not working together. Sometimes you can't connect what you're feeling with what you're thinking to how you're behaving.
Of course psychosis is a big part of it. You see things, hear things, become delusional (might think there are alien watching you while you shower stuff like that).


Now, I often get suicidal, and can get very angry. In the past, I used to have these outburst in public (try to break the subway train's glass windows, throw garbage cans around, throw my belongings, scream invectives at the top of my lungs), and these outburst would come out of no where. that coupled with teh depression had this one doctor say I was bi-polar type 2.

But then I started seeing white figures walking around, and they later turned into black figures. In the past I have heard voices (maybe three times max). But I figured that was all alcohol/drug induced, coupled with being bi-polar.

But basically the doctor at the psych ward said because I get these grandiose ideas of homicide (think Virginia Tech Massacre 2) and suicide (trying to catch HIV on purpose) and because i've had these outburst, and use drugs/alcohol, and because I have seen and heard things in the past, i am schizophrenic. I admit, I sometimes feel delusional and get these crazy ideas, but i never act on them. They don't make me feel a certain way. It's just my head thinking crazy stuff.

- It almost doesn't even matter what my diagnosis is. Seems like im being treated for both bipolar nd schizophrenia.

- I do have depression so im taking two antidepressants (Lexapro and Wellbutrin XL).
- I'm taking a mood stabilizer, Lithium (usually used for bi-polar folk)
I'm on two anti-psychotics, Zyprexa and Geodon (usually for psychosis)
and I'm on Valium (anxiety, not sure if I really need this), Campral (alcohol addiction)


I'm on a lot of meds. And for the most part I'm stable. I just get a lil down sometimes. But I still get these grandiose ideas about drug use, like how I'm gonna go a week straight smoking crack with the fellas in Harlem and have sex with them all night, chill with them all day, then do it all over again, or switch it up and mayeb a few days go do some Crystal meth with the other crowd, have sex with them. Do it all aghain, until Im burnt out and the wek is doen. Like those kind of thoughts still come to my head.

I'm 39 days clean by the way. So I stop those drug thoughts immediately. But there just seems to be something wrong with me right? Like to even entertain the fact of going out there for a whole week?

[martha27]

WOW - Okay heavy stuff.

All I can tell you is from my experience and you can compare yourself to that, I am going share with you stuff I have really never told anyone before, but hopefully it will help and a lot of this behaviour has stopped since I have been on my meds and even better now I am sober (much better).

Diagnosed: Bipolar 1 with psychotic episodes
Medication: Lithium (mood stabilser), seroquel (antipsychotic), valium (anxiety) + other meds for underactive thyroid,etc. They are discussing whether to put me onto an antidepressant as i am depressed at the moment (very rare)

Moods: Mainly manic once every few years depression
Auditory & visual hallucintations: all the time (until I took Seroquel now they are gone almost completely)
Psychotic episodes: Usually a serious one once a year

I have been described by doctors as being very close to being schizopheric, and I think this relates to my psychotic episodes rather than my moods. If you look at both of our meds there only real difference is the antidepressants and the fact that you are taking 2 anti psychotics, this would lead me to conclude that you are having more psychotic episodes than me and due to your depression they may be darker in nature.

My psychotic episodes have included everything from prostitution, drug abuse, mafia affiliations and activites. However these were years ago before I started taking my meds.

My hallucinations are usally auditory i.e. radio and TV talking and laughing directly at me, terrorising me. My visual hallucinations have involved everything from having profound spirtual visions, to the man following me and things being moved.

In saying this I have never had fantastises about killing, I have had grandiose fantasties that are tied up with the mafia, these involve intimidation but not murder, etc.

I hope that me being honest has helped put a stick in the sand for where you are at, hanging onto your own sanity with nothing to cling onto can be like Alice in Wonderland. in saying this, it does not matter to me what my label is, the biggest danger to my life is paranoid psychosis and I must take my meds and stay on track or I could go down the hole and never come back, I am lucky to be alive, the last manic psychotic stunt I nearly got myself killed, that was years ago now.

But last year I messed around with my meds so I could get the creative inspiration to write my book and I ended up in a psychotic state, agitated with the media thinking cate blanchett was stalking me - yeh right! back onto the meds and no messing up from now on.

My advice would be to have less focus on your diagnosis (you know its an inexact science) and more focus on whether you meds are working - do you feel that they are working? do you feel strong enough to maintain you sobriety? can you resist the grandiose fantasies?

I hope this has helped at least in part Cleansing, its not easy I truly acknowledge that, you are doing brilliantly well against astrounding circumstances, I full appreciate how challanging your road is, but you are entitled to a fulfilling life and your meds are part of that program, not your diagnosis so much. xx

[Cleansing]

Yeah, i haven't had a hallucination (aural or visual) in about 1 year and about 9 months. So I guess the antipsychotics are working well. I do get angry easily, but i don't have any outburst anymore, and the feeling usually passes within an hour, so the mood stabilizer is going okay. now the depression, that's hard to gauge. i don't feel sad, I'm not suicidal, but I'm sleeping too much (can't get up early enough to do excercise) and sometiems nap durign the day. I never act on my grandiose ideas. Sometimes i do get the urge to spend money, and I spend a bunch of money in one day, but that's nothing dangerous. It's more like i can't use, and i'm alone a lot, so I go buy stuff. Makes me feel good.



My meds are working okay I guess. Yeah I guess the diagnosis doesn't mattre, as long as I'm stable, not hearing things, seeing things, and staying sober.

I feel like the Valium and Campral help alot with staying sober. i'm less anxious, and my mind is not thinking about drugs too much, or how I'm gonna fight the urges. I'm mroe relaxed.

[martha27]

Cleansing it almost sounds like you are doing better than me!!! Thats fantastic, sounds like you are on the right meds and they are working well, I sleep too much as well but that is the seroquel, and I just have to live with it.

I feel very lucky to be given a chance to reach my full potential and be a member of normal society, it could be so easy to be in hospital, dead or in the gutter, or God forbid really have harmed someone else, I just thank God for gracing me with medical care to allow me to be normal, its not perfect but it sure beats the other alternative.

Good Luck Cleansing, I know its not easy, in fact the greatest achievement of my life has been managing my illness and I have to keep it a secret, however I send to you a standing ovation and a graduation cap, because thats what you deserve

[Overman]

Schizophrenia is a thought disorder...Bipolar is a mood disorder.

Cleansing, the presence of both psychosis and severe mood fluctuations are the main features of Schizoaffective D/O.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Cleansing

I've been diagnosed with Major depression disorder in December 2005, In April 2006, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder type 2. In 2007, I was diagnosed as major depressive with psychotic features. Since August 2008 I've been schizophrenic. This latest diagnosis happened while i was in the psych ward. They evaluated my history and I had two violent incidents while in the psych ward, so they figured I was either schizophrenic or schizoaffective. Next thing i know, I'm out the hospital, and in a day treatment program, and my diagnosis is schizophrenia.

I still don't believe it though. I feel like i'm misdiagnosed.

My understanding of it is that there is a split in the mind. Your full brain is not working together. Sometimes you can't connect what you're feeling with what you're thinking to how you're behaving.
Of course psychosis is a big part of it. You see things, hear things, become delusional (might think there are alien watching you while you shower stuff like that).


Now, I often get suicidal, and can get very angry. In the past, I used to have these outburst in public (try to break the subway train's glass windows, throw garbage cans around, throw my belongings, scream invectives at the top of my lungs), and these outburst would come out of no where. that coupled with teh depression had this one doctor say I was bi-polar type 2.

But then I started seeing white figures walking around, and they later turned into black figures. In the past I have heard voices (maybe three times max). But I figured that was all alcohol/drug induced, coupled with being bi-polar.

But basically the doctor at the psych ward said because I get these grandiose ideas of homicide (think Virginia Tech Massacre 2) and suicide (trying to catch HIV on purpose) and because i've had these outburst, and use drugs/alcohol, and because I have seen and heard things in the past, i am schizophrenic. I admit, I sometimes feel delusional and get these crazy ideas, but i never act on them. They don't make me feel a certain way. It's just my head thinking crazy stuff.

- It almost doesn't even matter what my diagnosis is. Seems like im being treated for both bipolar nd schizophrenia.

- I do have depression so im taking two antidepressants (Lexapro and Wellbutrin XL).
- I'm taking a mood stabilizer, Lithium (usually used for bi-polar folk)
I'm on two anti-psychotics, Zyprexa and Geodon (usually for psychosis)
and I'm on Valium (anxiety, not sure if I really need this), Campral (alcohol addiction)


I'm on a lot of meds. And for the most part I'm stable. I just get a lil down sometimes. But I still get these grandiose ideas about drug use, like how I'm gonna go a week straight smoking crack with the fellas in Harlem and have sex with them all night, chill with them all day, then do it all over again, or switch it up and mayeb a few days go do some Crystal meth with the other crowd, have sex with them. Do it all aghain, until Im burnt out and the wek is doen. Like those kind of thoughts still come to my head.

I'm 39 days clean by the way. So I stop those drug thoughts immediately. But there just seems to be something wrong with me right? Like to even entertain the fact of going out there for a whole week?

Based on my limited knowledge of psychotic disorders, it sounds like you have bi-polar disorder with psychotic features, but perhaps not the full-blown disorder of schizophrenia. And you mentioned you did drugs in the past, that can certainly give you some hallucinations, especially if you have a psychosis. It sounds like you're doing great considering the weight of mental illness on your shoulders. And while I don't think your schizo, your diagnosis is not that important. I'm diagnosed as major depression and I take Lithium, Effexor, Geodon and ProVigil (to cut the fatigue). They seem to be helping. My previous shrink tried to diagnose me as bi-polar but I'm not, I never get manic or manic highs (I wish), or grandiose ideas, but that's why I'm still on a mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic. I know for me my drug and alcohol use made me somewhat manic (staying up for long periods of time), so that was probably what was accelerating or worsening your disorder.

My advice would be to exercise when you can, at least 30 minutes 5 times a week, eat good, healthy food and keep doing what you enjoy, what keeps you stable, like playing bass.

Take care and good luck,
Clay