Depression

[deerwalk]

Well I hate to be a downer, but it's gotten difficult lately to handle unemployment and endlessly sending out my resume to no avail. What really hurts is having no back up whatsoever. No family. My friends are all working, and don't understand what it means to literally have nothing. Living with another person in a guest room in a crummy neighborhood is really taking a toll. I don't like living like this. I feel I have suffered such loss I don't know if I can recover. It has been made very clear to me that people simply do not care. I am of the unfortunate few that truly have no family whatsoever. Cue the violins. People can't or won't relate to this so I will prepare for insensitive commentary. I hate not having money to even get on a bus and go to a meeting, or for food. Scraping by on a bit of cereal every day. Being hungry is a demeaning experience.

[Bamboozle]

Hello, deerwalk. Have you applied for governmental assistance? You should be able to get something. Severe depression is a disability. If you can get a social worker, he or she can help you to land a job.

Maybe sign up with a temp agency?


The only thing that I can do right now when I feel hopeless is go outside with my camera and take pictures. It gives me something to focus on.

I know you are a creative person...and I think that during the difficult times it's important to hang onto that creativity and nourish it so that it grows. Make some paintings...take some pictures...draw...write.

[martha27]

All of the practical advice that Bamboozle offered is probably the first place to start it is very difficult to think any differently with a hungry tummy, by the way I have a clear idea of what Oliver Twist lived like, a bowl of oats may be filling but you sure get sick of them very quickly!!! However it is the mental strain of poverty/financial strain which is the hardest to survive. Financial problems are like a sickening cancer and the stress of constantly remaining optomistic, is a real challenge and privately on the inside you are really scared, tired and angry (& in your case hungry).

Everyone will have there own story through this time, just so you know I am not Martha Stewart, my small business is down 70% I have retrenched half of my staff (who I loved dearly) and I have creditors and the tax department chasing me down everyday, then last week my husband lost his job, I have not drawn a wage for over a year and I have spent all my savings, I am on the line. In saying all of this I have a daughter which keeps my head in the world and not up my own... hahahaha

In all seriousness, instead of lumping it all in a big mess I think of myself as a Mountain Climber and this is a blizzard, how am I going to survive? whether I keep all my fingers and toes is beyond my control but I am determined to survive. What have I achieved? On the mountain I have achieved a month of sobriety, kept my bipolar in check and not had to go to hospital, looked after my daughter, saved half my staff for now (it is a creative business they have nowhere to go), tried to be loving and tried to view this as a challenge not a punishment. I have used the Internet and looked up great people like Nelson Mandela and interviews about the worst times in their life and tried to get some insight into how they survived them.

I have also tried to focus on people that are worse off than myself and today my focus is on you and I am so sorry that things are so tough, if I could send an angel to rescue you I would, but hopefully you can find a way to overcome the mental strain of this challenge, huge as it is.....with your own mind (I am sure by now you want to tell me to get lost) people like Nelson Mandela survived years in prison with just his mind, he is no more special than you, and I am sure he often got down. Try and choose someone in history/you life that can be a good role model through disaster.

I send to you love, light, strength and music (they are all free)

[deerwalk]

Okay, those are good tactics. I think the real problem is I have always held my own until this past year. Losing my job led to me being entirely dependant on the goodwill of another person and that is so disempowering. I also have an unfortunate tendency to attract people who would drain the last bit of life out of me if they could- the type who call to complain and nothing else- then if you ask them for any small advice they act as if you don't exist. We're all familiar with the type- takers who don't give back. I am a natural giver, so I get targeted this way alot. I don't want to lose the fact that I am a giving person, but I do need to figure out a way to protect myself. As far as accomplishments, I did just have an opening in a local gallery. If only it paid!

[deerwalk]

Bam, I am only depressed due to circumstance. I am willing and able to work, I just can't seem to get an interview as the recession rears it's ugly head. I am doing a few (creative) projects and if they pan out I will gladly share I do have sketch pad and pen. Creativity only gets me so far. I tried to apply for food stamps but no dice- the person I live with (we are not involved) makes enough money and he essentially pays for my housing since I live in his guest room. So, that is seen as income and I don't get the food card. I am glad you are taking pictures! Meditation with a group does help a bit through this but practicalities are a bit harder to overcome at this time.

[deerwalk]

BTW Bam it's great to see you around, I believe you took a hiatus? Don't leave again okay?

[otterbearcat]

Originally Posted by martha27

tried to view this as a challenge not a punishment.

thanks for putting it in perspective.

[barb dwyer]

deerwalk -

I have no family here, either. And the family that is still alive - I don't talk to.

And Also out of work - I have become the 'token service work' bum rider to meetings.
Because there's no $$$ for gas to put in my own ride.
I turned it into a laughing thing.

I cut out little cardpaper stars and titled them 'stars for St Pete' ...
every time they give me a ride -
the get another 'point' for when they apply at the pearly gates...LOL

But I completely understand the depression, hon.
So I adherred myself to my home gorup and told them I was gonna become the biggest pain in their sides...

that's what the recovery 'community' is all about.

hang in, hon.